Give him space and he WILL come back!

by | June 29th 2020 | 16 comments

For those of you who are familiar with my philosophy, you know that I often talk about the push and pull technique and how effective it is in the attraction process. You probably also know that I am fascinated by human nature and go out of my way whenever I can to learn more and apply it to my work as a love and relationship expert. One of the most common questions that I am asked when working with someone in a one on one coaching session is, “If I give him space, will he come back?”

I wanted to write today’s article for you to explain exactly why giving a man space is an effective way to re attract him. It has everything to do with human nature and nothing to do with pushing him away to the point of losing him. So many people panic when I tell them that the best way to re attract a man is by giving him space. They worry that if they give him space, he’ll just move on.

Ladies, I’ve been a love and relationship expert since 2007 who has been working in the field and I can confidently tell you what works and what doesn’t. If you can give him space and incorporate the tools I am about to go over with you, you will see a big change in the dynamic between you and this man. In this article, I will go over how to give him space and just how long you should do this, why this technique works so well, and how exactly this works!

How long should I give him space: The timeframe

Whenever someone comes to me for help with how to re-attract a man, they seem to always want to know exactly how long they have to pull away. I understand that it makes you feel vulnerable and you’re worried that you’re just making it easy for the guy to turn the page and move on, but that’s not how this works… More on that in a moment.

To answer your question of how long should you give him space, the answer is probably not what you want to hear. There is no magic formula and the truth is that if you’ve realized that this guy is taking you for granted and he’s becoming distant, you have to give him space until he reaches out to YOU. Yes, that means that you have to be patient and stick to the plan.

how to set boundaries in a relationship

It’s important to understand that love is sometimes a battle, but it’s worth the fight. He needs to reach out to you, text you, call you, invite you out on a date. We want the guy to make the first step!

Now, if you want to speed this process up, you just need to make sure that you’re filling up your schedule with exciting activities and use social media to your advantage. Update your pictures and show him that he’s missing out on some great times. We want this guy to realize that losing you would be a great loss.

If you’re still adamant about having a clear timeframe, I can tell you this. It takes a human being 21 days to form a new habit. So if you can do things for 21 days like no contact, giving him space, and focusing on yourself, you can easily manage your emotions and stop thinking about him. I recommend three weeks because anything less than that is too short and anything over that starts to get a bit too long.

If you can wait until he reaches out to you, until he makes an effort, that would be the best.

Listen, I know it’s hard. I’ve coached thousands upon thousands of both men and women so I know both sides of the situation. When you love someone, you experience a surge of emotions that can be completely overpowering, and this is why you need to clear your mind. Go to the gym, get physically active, but also make an effort to put a breath of fresh air into your life. Change your style, change the way you eat, go out, and do new things both alone and with your friends. Practice yoga and meditation and set some professional as well as personal goals for yourself. You could even go on a trip with your best friend for the weekend. I just want you to challenge yourself to experience NEW things!

I can promise you that if you can control your mind, then you can control your emotions, and giving this guy space will become the easiest thing in the world…

Give him space: Why this works so well

Truth be told, the push and pull technique is something that guys do all the time whether they realize it or not. So I want to take a moment and dive into why it is so beneficial to give him space. It’s not about giving him space while he figures out what he wants – it’s about switching up the dynamic and creating a more balanced and gratifying relationship.Relationship anxiety

So as I started saying above, you know how I love to talk about human psychology. One of my all time favorite books on the subject is called “Persuasion: The influence and science of persuasion” by Robert Chialdini. Two things really stuck with me after I finished this book. First, that as human beings we will always chase what we don’t have. A simple example is like a pair of shoes you want that you’ve been saving for.

Once you get them, you’re happy for a while but then you start thinking about the next pair that you’d really really want. This is how all of us work. And at the same time, even if you start to think about that next pair of shoes, you wouldn’t necessarily want to give the pair you bought to your best friend, which brings me to point #2. As humans, we don’t want to lose what we have.

This brings me back to my point: The push and pull technique works extremely well because you’ve been showing this guy interest, giving him affection, giving him your time and energy and then suddenly you stop. His mind is going to receive a jolt and he’ll think, “She was so into me before, what happened? What do I do?”

Trust me, I can hear you all the way from over here saying, “Alex, I am so done with these games, I really just want to be myself.” But it’s not about games! You SHOULD be yourself. When you pull away, you need to be focusing on making yourself happy, making your life better, and becoming the best version of yourself.

More often than not, I see that when people pull away, they suffer. They want to text the guy, call the guy, get some kind of reassurance from the guy, but no! In order for this to work, you have to focus on yourself! Don’t foliate on how to give him space to fall in love or when to text him… Giving him space works if you use the time to make your life better. This is exactly what will make a man think, “Wow, she has such an amazing life, I need her, I want HER! I need to make an effort to get closer to her!”

It’s the perfect technique for balancing out the attraction process and keeping you safe from being in a position of neediness or clinginess. What’s more, it’s not just a technique! It’s something that will create attraction and improve the quality of your life, balance your emotions, and help you to become the best version of yourself. It protects you from losing yourself when you are attracted to a man.

Give him space and he’ll come back and become interested again

As I’ve been saying, pulling away, giving him space, and ignoring him are powerful techniques to get him interested again. The thing is that most men are afraid of losing independence and they’re afraid of a committed relationship because they’re worried they won’t be happy. Even if they’re happy now, they aren’t convinced that they’ll be happy enough in a committed relationship. So the result is that they pull away and ignore you.

An interesting little tidbit of information is that science has found that one of the things the human mind responds the most negatively to is when they are being ignored. Not yelled at or cried to; but ignored. What does this mean for us? Well, if you can give him space and in certain cases, downright ignore him, it is a powerful way to make him understand that he’s made a mistake. He’ll realize that before, you were actively showing him your interest and now you’re not available to him anymore.emotionally independent

I know that it can feel very difficult to understand how ignoring someone can make them want to be more committed but if you can think about human nature and how the mind works, it will become much easier to understand. Remember what I was saying above about developing new habits in 21 days? Your actions will affect his behavior as well. If he can develop the habit of reaching out to you, pursuing you, and showing you that he’s interested, then you’ve won! This is how you create a new dynamic and get closer.

Remember if you’re constantly making the first step, you can inadvertently undermine the attraction process. Men are hunters and keeping this in mind will always serve you.

I understand that this might not feel natural, but sometimes a period of distance is exactly what you need to recalibrate the relationship between you and set it back on the right track. I know that each situation has it’s own, unique details so please don’t hesitate to reach out to me personally for one on one coaching. In just one hour we can transform your love life and set you up for success. By asking you targeted questions, I can analyze your situation, answer all of your questions and provide you with a tailor made action plan to help you reach your goal. I understand how frustrating this can be, trust me. I’ve dedicated my entire career to helping people find solutions to their problems in love and set themselves up for longterm happiness in life and love!

You can also check out the hundreds of videos that I have created on my YouTube channel to help you coach yourself through these challenging periods. I want to help you every step of the way. Feel free to leave any questions you may have in the comments section below and my team and I will be there to answer you 🙂

Last but not least, you also have access to my eBook that has become a best seller. In it, I reveal all the secrets to creating a love life that is more fruitful than you ever thought possible. I share my personal experience in the field as a coach, give you all kinds of exercises and techniques, and teach you how to navigate through even the most frustrating challenges in love. As you can see, I want to do everything in my power to make sure that you start living the love life of your dreams!

I wish you all the best, ladies!

Your #1 French relationship expert

Alex Cormont

16 Comments

  1. Munira Shahnawaz Mithani

    Appreciate your knowledge in guiding women as a relationship counsellor. My ex has contacted me after 25 yrs and is interested in a non committal relationship.We were in a relationship for one year. But now he broke up 2 weeks ago. He is also married nd doesn’t wish to leave his marriage.I am willing to leave my marriage becoz its not a happy one. Even after the break up he texted me and has been in touch with me a few days. Just now for the last 2 weeks becoz of my personal reasons I’m not able to communicate vwith him though we still decided to continue to b friends.He is madly in love with me but also very attached to his wife and family.Hiw do I get him to commit to me. He still loves me his ideal match He considers me his soulmate. He got married becoz at that time I was not interested. But he hasn’t forgotten me. Kindly advice.

    Reply
    • Alex Cormont

      Hi Munira, when a man understands what he stands to lose, he will make concrete choices. This man needs to see that he could lose you, and you can make this happen by working every single day on becoming the absolute best version of yourself, not dedicating much time to him, and focusing solely on yourself. It’s counterintuitive, but it works!

  2. Rose

    In my case, I met him, we dated twice but now he’s in his country, we’ve only been texting and calling since january. He has said to me that he’s attracted and he likes my personality. He’s not a texting person but he’s been texting this long but since 2 weeks ago he doesn’t check messages for days, sometimes he doesn’t reply to me but after 2 or 3 days. Yesterday, he called me because I called him last friday and he returned the call and also videocalled when he says normally he doesn’t have time for it but I see him a bit distant. So, in my case, is it fine to apply this technique in this case? We’re not a couple, so I’m not sure if I can apply this in my situation or only when you’re a couple? Because he knows I don’t like to be ignored and eventhough he does it sometimes…

    Reply
    • Alex Cormont

      Hi Rose, please don’t hesitate to reach out to us for coaching so that we can ask you targetted questions and properly analyze your situation. To work with me or a member of my team, just click here!

  3. Linda

    Hello! My exfiance broke up with me 8 months ago. We had fallen in love with each other within just a couple weeks of meeting each other. We moved in together 3 months later, he asked me to marry him 4 months after that. 7 months later he broke up with me. He hadn’t been in a serious relationship before me for ten years and I had just come out of a 15 year marriage. Anyway, we’ve still been seeing each other continually during this 8 months time. Last week he wanted to help me buy a car so he came with me and handled everything. Well the very next day he told me that he doesn’t want contact anymore. I said ok and the same night he texted me a couple times not being too horrible but not really being too nice either, called me multiple times (I didn’t answer because of what he had texted) The next day he “loved” 23 pictures through text that I had sent him previously. And the next day I heard him in my backyard picking up his outdoor table from my house that he had let me borrow (I had told him he could pick it up anytime) and he left my bathroom items that had been at his house hanging in a plastic bag on my backdoor doorknob. He then texted and messaged me two songs about 15 minutes after he left my house. This was yesterday morning. I haven’t heard from him since. He’s very confusing, very moody, and controlling. He gets mad often over small things or things I don’t even know or understand what he’s upset about. But I know he was in love with me and he tells me he’s still in love with me. We are very drawn towards each other and have a lot of fun together. He does want to lead my life and my children’s lives completely. I do want his leadership we just don’t always see eye to eye. That’s when he gets upset with me and won’t talk to me or will break up with me. Not sure how to handle this. He very much pursued me in the beginning. I am not reaching out to him since he said he wanted to move on. I just don’t know how serious he is. I know it comes down to him wanting to make all the decisions. I have no idea what made him do this. It’s like he throw tantrums. So I’m wondering if I’ll hear from him again. I’m sure I will I just have no idea how long it will take and if he even wants a future together. What is your take? Thank you.

    Reply
    • Alex Cormont

      Hi Linda, it is very good that you are not reaching out to him. It seems that this man is taking you for granted, and changing this will change his approach to your relationship. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to us for coaching so that we can ask you targetted questions and properly analyze your situation. To work with me or a member of my team, just click here!

    • Camilla

      Hello. I so love your videos and your accent. I am a single 53 old female who never married and no children. My question is men are surprised and tell me I am a liar for not being married before. I am a attractive blonde who knows what she wants…. but she as hell cant find a nice gentlemen. I have been working on myself and I am very independent who likes my own space. Thank you for time. God bless you.

    • Alex Cormont

      Hi Camilla, happy to have you with us! Continue working on yourself and sculpting the life that you want, and you will attract a man that is on the same level as you. Wishing you lots of success in life and love!

  4. Ellah

    What if we got into a fight ? Will these methods still work ? The distance & giving him a space ? My BF & I are together for almost a year & few months now. Since the very beginning, I was clear that I wana save my self till marriage. He respected that & never did something crossing the limits, yes we kissed, cuddled & other stuff but never reached a level where it was risky to loose virginity & I never felt unsafe with him. With quarantine & all this world chaos, we haven’t seen each other in 4 months !! When finally restrictions are reduced & we are kind of going back to normal life, I suggested that we meet & we were finally able to make it, and decided on an evening to spend together. He came to pick me up from work & he was like (sorry hun, change of plans, we’ll just spend hour & a half together bcz X happened plus we’ll pass by the office because X ( the excuses were urgent, so I didn’t get mad, upset yes but not mad , I missed him so much so I was like an hour & a half is better than nothing.)) We went to his office (no one but us), we sat, chatted 2 min, then he kissed me right away like two kisses & to my surprise he directly took his pants off, like literally naked from bottom down. I was shocked, he came near to me wanting me to do the same trying to pull mine but I refused & I pushed him away. He took one step behind, put his pants on again & was like (Apparently you’re not in the mood for that & Thank you for ruining mine as well). I was like (I’m in the mood since we agreed last night that we will see each other but you jumping on me like that !! Come on, After not seeing you for all these months & not being touched at all, I’d like to actually spend time with you, & then some introduction, sweet words, soft slow kisses, excite me & tease the mood a little before any intimacy. Come on you know this about me, we’ve discussed our love language before & how we like our desires to be met. Why the rush ?) He was (Because we only have an hour) I was (ok next time, call me before you pick me up & tell me about the change of plans & we can decide wether to meet or postpone it to another day when we are more free & available & have more time. Plus even if we were in a hurry, we could’ve just kissed slowly & cuddled, no need for more, we need that after all these months don’t you think. Just warm hug for reassurance & security) He got pissed & was like ( this is so disgusting. Girls who say I want boundaries but want to have some fun as well, part of it at least & then if they felt threatened they play victims. Everyone would die for me to fuck them (sorry but he literally said that) , & you, the women I love doesn’t want that. I’ll never touch you again. You should actually sit & think of what you did wrong !) (FYI Alex, he has very good body & texture, he is popular, very lovable & sexy, always wearing nice …etc & yea we both can see how girls check him out all the time, so I guess he is a bit narcissist or at least used to feel desired & wanted all the time). I was surprised – again- & was like ( What ?! what are you talking about. I was crystal clear from day 1 & you said nothing & nothing has changed since then so why this madness now ? I’m not playing victim. I’m sticking to what I want & doesn’t want in a relationship. You can’t make me feel guilty about this, it’s my right & you agreed. Is it bcz your ego can’t withstand the idea that yes , one girl actually said NO to YOU & pushed you away. I’m not a slot who you bring to yr office to F* in an hour & then go like nothing happened.) I yelled, started asking questions – now that I think of I find stupid & unrelated or relevant to the incidence- shed some tears & here is when he started to calm down & act so cool with the coldest look in his eyes & distant attitude. Then of course the hour went by & we had to leave. So he was like let’s stop now & we will discuss it tonight. I left him by saying (thank you for turning the evening that I’ve been waiting for so long the worst ever. He replied ( honestly, I ‘m disappointed too). I calmed down, & after 3 hours of leaving him I sent him this ( Will you still be mad at me & leave me mad at you to sleep like this tonight or we can talk about it with honesty & calmness & solve it out).
    The msg was sent 44 hours ago. He hasn’t even opened it yet, although he is active, online, even posting a story wishing everyone a happy holiday (we have a traditional holiday where I live these days) on social media.
    Is he really having his space & I should wait & give him that ? Or him not opening the message means that it’s over & he will simply ditch me with not even a word? I’ve a feeling that he is punishing me for rejecting him & his ego is hurt. & I’m sorry if he is hurt, I know men’s ego is so precious & essential to them, & being rejected isn’t easy as well, but I was clear as well & haven’t changed my opinion. I didn’t trick him or surprise him. Am I wrong or he is ? Should I really apologise? I already did the first move by texting him, was that wrong or right ? Should I text him again, or call or even pass by his office to solve this face to face , or may be as I saw in one of your videos write him a letter expressing me understanding his hurt but also me needing him to understand my boundaries & then decide if he wants to be part of it , accept & respect it or simply it’s too hard for him to commit ? Will this (give him space & no contact strategy) work or he will find it an opportunity to break up ? Why in the first place I’m the one sho told him let’s go out, I should’ve waited for him to ask me out after this long quarantine. But I didn’t think it would matter back then, I missed him & I simply wanted to see him !! What should I do ?

    Reply
    • Alex Cormont

      Hi Ellah, it is great that you know your boundaries and are willing to stick to them. This man should not be allowed to make you feel guilty when he tries to overstep them. I encourage you to switch your focus to yourself now, and yes, time and space would be beneficial. The dynamic between you needs to change, he needs to respect you, and he should not be pursued unless he makes serious changes. The key to success in love is investing your time and energy into making your life into what you’ve always wanted it to be. That is how you attract a worthy partner and teach a person what they can, and cannot get away with. Wishing you lots of success!

  5. Kris Lane

    Hello Alex,

    Thank you for all your great advice. What do I do if I already told him how much he means to me? He has been playing the push and pull dance with his feelings. He pursued me by coming around all the time. When I finally admitted I also had feelings for him, we video chatted nightly for 6 weeks, sometimes 6 hours at a time with him initiating the calls. He is 18 years younger and in graduate school, but is still 37. He goes to school where I live and we met at work. He has to go away up to two months at a time for training. We had become close friends for a year before we admitted our feelings. It has now been 2 years and we go out on friends dates frequently when he is in town, but he says we have to put our feelings aside while he finishes school or his studies will suffer. He is the best man I know and is nothing like my past two failed marriages where my husbands cheated. I feel like he is the one and worth the wait. He told me the first thing that attracted him to me was my kind heart and intelligence which I had never been told before by a man. I know he would do anything for me if I needed him. He has been protective and has told me I know more about him than even his family, who he is close to. He is still trying g to figure out if he wants to have kids of his own, which I am unable to give at this point in my life. I am 55. I have offered adoption and surrogacy as an option. We talked early on about marriage and me moving wherever he would get a job after graduation. Am I doing the right thing by waiting to see how this turns out while working on myself, my confidence, taking relationship classes, and learning how to trust again? I am staying busy with friends, family, and self improvement. I forgot to mention that communication is very important to both of us and we have so many things in common. He asked me to join his church and choir, which I did and love!

    Thank you for any help you can offer.

    Reply
    • Alex Cormont

      Hi Kris, yes absolutely – continue focusing on yourself, your confidence, your projects, your personal and professional circles. It is okay if you’ve already expressed your feelings to him, but for the time being, do not talk to him about your feelings. Instead, introduce some more mystery, talk to him like a great friend, and showcase what an amazing life you’re living. If you make yourself too available to him, it becomes easy for him to take you for granted. If you want him to stop playing the push and pull game and commit, make him realize what he stands to lose.

  6. S’aina

    This days it’s been like more than 6 months I have started getting too insecure and possessive regarding my man, which leads to fight at the last
    All I wanted to ask is how can I stop being possessive and insecure ???

    Reply
    • Alex Cormont

      Hi S’aina, a great tool that can help with possessiveness and insecurity is making sure that you’re very busy. Give yourself personal and professional goals that you work towards every single day, because the more confident you feel, the less possessive and insecure you will feel. Confidence comes from a sense of accomplishment. Wishing you all the best!

  7. Tiffany

    Hi Alex,
    I got mad at him for not letting me why our video call hang up and told him the next day, he explained but also said that he’s not in the mood for my attitude. I just politely said that next time he just let me know. I tried to give him space (only texted on Friday and called over the weekend, but he didn’t respond back) I realized i did have a bit of attitude, so I sent an apology text about it, of course he still didn’t respond. I was worried so I contacted his coworker to ask if work is ok for him. He was pissed and said that i need to not message his friends if I can’t get a hold of him. He even said this which hurt me, “honestly, I’m pretty pissed off at you just as a whole. I really do not want contact with you at the moment.” The situation started and dragged since the 16th of August until now. What else can I do? Is he just upset or does he want to end it? I haven’t contacted him (no text or call since the day he sent me that painful message)

    Reply
    • Alex Cormont

      Hi Tiffany,
      It’s very good that you’re giving him space right now. Things need to start out on a clean slate. Please don’t hesitate to reach out for one on one coaching by clicking here.

      Best,
      Alex

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