How to know if he’s the one: 5 telltale signs from the French Relationship Expert 

You’ve been dating a great guy… But how to know if he’s The One? Every single person has their own idea of the perfect Prince Charming. You might even have a list written out that you began years and years ago. And yes, it can be a mental list! Now you’re dating someone, and you’ve fallen in love with him. You’ve realized that he might not meet all the criteria on your list, so how do you know if he’s the one you’ve been waiting for?

There are some very important questions that I want you to ask yourself when it comes to love and deciding on whether or not this man is your soulmate. I will go over these questions throughout this article, but I am also going to answer some of the questions that people have recently asked me like, “Can he be the one if we were together and broke up,” and, “How to know if he’s the one if he isn’t perfect?”

We become so obsessed with the idea of The One that I think we sometimes rule out partners that could make us extremely happy simply because they don’t match a certain thing you have on your list of qualities that you want in your soulmate. Example: He’s not over 6 foot.
Similarly, there are sometimes elements we accept about a partner’s behavior simply because we want to have found our soulmate so badly!
In today’s article, I want to explore how to know if he’s the one by giving you some food for thought.

How to know if he’s the one: Why do you ask?

I know you’re going to say, “Alex, why WOULDN’T I want to know if he’s the one if I’m going to invest in this relationship?!”
I ask because I think it’s interesting to take a look at where this notion comes from. From a very early age, we are raised with the idea of perfect romances. It can be a cultural thing, but it can also come from a person’s family history. Think about all those Disney movies we watched while growing up. Everyone always lived happily ever after in love and never had to face any real life challenges. What happened was that many people subconsciously developed the idea that the perfect partner and perfect relationship would not encounter bumps in the road, and partners wouldn’t have flaws.
In reality, the purpose of challenges in relationships is actually to bring two people closer together. They will allow you to see all sides of a partner, and will allow you to work together to overcome obstacles. Sometimes obstacles lead two people to separate, but things can always be repaired if the desire to do so is present enough.
Similarly, as you will see in a moment, one of the main indicators of whether or not he is the one is actually how he deals with conflict in times of stress.
So of course, you want to know if he is the one because you don’t want to invest if this isn’t the right man for you. The key to ultimately finding the one is going to be to know what is most important to you, and recognizing important qualities in a partner. This means that you must also recognize qualities that might mean that you are not compatible.

Is he the one for me if he does these things?

I know that you might be reading this article right now because your relationship used to feel unshakable, but now it feels like it’s crumbling. We all experience all kinds of emotional challenging situations from time to time, and it’s hard to understand what’s going on when you’re in the middle of it.
It’s normal that you would be wondering whether or not this person is the one for you, and if this is the case for you, I don’t want you to be too hard on yourself about questioning your relationship.
I want you to understand is that these periods are important because they will permit you to be honest with yourself about the situation. It’s true that if you’re in a perpetual state of uncertainty in terms of your relationship but stay in it anyway, it would be a good idea to read my article on whether or not you’re lying to yourself about the relationship.
Let’s take a look at some negative behavior that you might have been noticing. If you’ve seen multiple of these elements in your relationship, something needs to change.

Is he the right one if there are issues and he does nothing to make things better?

Perhaps there are tensions in the relationship at the moment. If he constantly avoids or ignores you, has no regard for your actions AND is oblivious to your needs, he might not be someone who will be able to make you happy in a long term relationship. 
A man that you’re going to spend your life with will need to be in tune to your wants and needs. If he doesn’t seem to care or put in the same amount of effort as you, you might not be with the love of your life.

Can he be the one if he doesn’t try to make you happy…?

Sure, we all have bad days when we will need a little bit of space and time to ourselves, but if your boyfriend seems to always be too tired or busy to do anything to make you smile, or if he’s constantly in a bad mood and doesn’t feel like doing anything that would make you happy and loved, do you really want to spend the rest of your life with this man?
Relationships have to be based on give and take – not just taking. I know that you want to give to this person because you love him, but he should be doing the same thing for you – and not just once every month and a half! Don’t make the mistake of holding on to that one thing he did that one time that was super sweet, when he hasn’t gone out of his way to bring you joy in weeks! 
By the way, this doesn’t have to be a huge declaration of love. I’m talking about thoughtful gestures of love that are geared towards making you happy and making your life better. For example, bringing you a coffee in the morning or taking care of that oil change you never have the time to do.

How to know he’s the one if you broke up!

This is a tricky one. I often have people coming to me with this question.

They feel that they’ve just lost the love of their life and they want to know how to get him back. 
I understand why you would be experiencing a moment of doubt right now. You’re feeling a surge of emotions for this man, you’re actually thinking that he might be The One, but if you broke up, how could that be? You’re probably thinking that it doesn’t make sense: “If we are meant to be together then… Why aren’t we?”

The truth is that many people that are supposed to be together separate and the reasons behind it are vast. Sometimes distance is needed in order to really see things clearly and truly understand that you only want to be with one specific person. It’s not uncommon for someone to panic or worry that the relationship isn’t working and then realize that the problem wasn’t the relationship; it was personal. Other times the separation is due to work or other external circumstances.

If you’re wondering, “Is he the one even though we broke up,” the answer is simply that it is perfectly possible for him to be your soulmate even if you separated. Sometimes the timing isn’t right and one or both partners need to learn some important lessons or accomplish something important before they can really be together. 
When you’re in the thick of it, it can be really hard and very scary, but if you both accomplish what needs to happen and you get back together, your relationship will be even more solid than before. 
That said of course it’s also possible that he isn’t the one and that’s why you separated. It’s up to you to really think it through and figure out what your gut tells you! I am finally going to jump into the main indicators, so read carefully!

What does it feel like if he’s the one? Look for these signs…

I want to be clear right off the bat – there is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to “the perfect partner.” As you read these signs, I want you to think about what your love language is, and what type of gestures and behaviors make you the happiest. 
so without further ado, let’s look at how to tell he’s the one!

 1. Pay attention to whether or not you can be yourself around him.

One of the biggest signs that he is the one is when it feels so easy to be yourself around him. He doesn’t make you feel nervous or unsure, he doesn’t make you feel embarrassed about your quirks. He doesn’t make you wonder if you’re going to say the right thing, and he accepts all of you, good and bad. He doesn’t expect you to change because he loves you just the way you are. If anything he wants to help you to reach your full potential, but he doesn’t expect you to change who you are! In fact, he doesn’t even want you to change because to him, you are perfect. 
You can go to him with anything – something that made you laugh today, something that’s been bothering you at work, or even a question about a decision you’re making (big or small.) If he makes you feel welcome and secure and comforted, it is very possible that he is the one.

2. He could be the one if he’s still worth it at his absolute worse.

It’s important to note that the strength of a relationship isn’t actually gaged by how things are when everything is peachy and easy. You can see a relationship’s staying power in times of tension or hardship. Maybe your boyfriend just lost a parent, maybe he got fired, maybe he’s just in a bad mood, maybe he’s sick and miserable… How does he treat you? 
Is he a supportive, kind and uplifting partner when things are fine and an absolute pain to be around when things aren’t going well in his life? Does he make you feel really insecure in the relationship when things aren’t going as well as he would like in his own life?
If you’re going to spend your life with this person, he needs to be able to make you feel like he’s going to protect the relationship you have regardless of the other things he’s dealing with in his own life. 
I often say that people in a solid relationship are like teammates, so make sure that you both share the same goal and want to make each other feel supported and happy no matter what.

3. You are feeling satisfied with the relationship as it is right now.

I often encounter this phrase: “it’s going to be perfect when he ____ . “ Basically, is not uncommon for people to fixate on the future when it comes to knowing he’s the one. They tell themselves that it’s okay if they aren’t satisfied with the relationship currently because things can change. 
Yes, people can change. No, it isn’t guaranteed that they will. 
If you want to know if this person is the one for you, you need to take a look at the person he is today and ask yourself if he is right for you not. You have to be on the same page right now, and he should be ready to commit and invest now. Not “only” when he’s gotten that new job. You shouldn’t be thinking, “It’ll be perfect later on when he decides that he DOES want children, when he decides that he DOES want to get married…” If he is saying no to very important things to you now, it’s time to reevaluate the situation. 
Another telltale sign of whether or not a person is your soul mate is if you both are heading towards the same goals and want to accomplish the same things side by side. Oftentimes, no matter how strong the bond between two people is, if ultimately they don’t want the same things, the relationship begins to falter. Relationships require some compromise and sacrifice, but both partners should remain happy.

4. Does this person inspire and mentally stimulate you?

It’s possible that he’s the one if you offers you new perspectives, insights, and outlooks on life. If he inspires you to experience new things and keep on learning. If you share intellectual conversations that help both of you to improve and expand your frame of mind. It’s not about the topics – it’s about whether to not this man brings out the best in you and inspires you to truly become the best version of yourself by opening yourself up.

Can he be the one if he’s not perfect?

In our society, the words “The One” carry a huge amount of weight. People often subconsciously think that their partner needs to fulfill every single criteria on their list of characteristics that their perfect match should have. The problem is that we often forget that no one is perfect, and sometimes these “lists” (even if they’re just in the mind), can place a huge amount of pressure on the relationship and ultimately cause tensions. 
My point is that you should narrow down your list of criteria to the most important things and avoid being nit-picky about the rest. 
The way you communicate and share common goals are some examples of important things, whereas having a certain physical appearance is not. So, if your gut is telling you that this person is The One, and you suddenly realize that they have a flaw, don’t panic. Instead, remember that you’re not perfect either and switch your focus to moving forward, together. 
Convincing yourself that a relationship will be a romantic fairytale forever is unrealistic and it’s crucial to understand that real love has ups and down. Its staying power directly depends on how much you and your partner are willing to work to make it last.

I sincerely wish you all the best,

Your coach for knowing if he’s the one,

Alex Cormont