Sexless marriage: How to fix it starting today
Have you and your partner drifted into a sexless marriage and are you worried about what it means for your relationship? Would you like to know what you can do about it and how to reinforce the bond between you and your spouse? Well, you’ve come to the right place because through this article, I am going to share some information that’s going to set your mind at ease and show you how to rekindle the flame in your marriage! Experiencing a dry spell can be damaging to a relationship, especially because of all the myths that surround this phenomenon. Though a decrease in sexual activity is normal, a couple that is barely intimate if ever, should not panic. You’re already on the right track towards rectifying the situation because you’re online searching for useful information, so I congratulate you!
Many people chalk a lack of sex up to busy schedules and fatigue, or worse still, damaging stereotypes. In this article, I am going to explore what exactly constitutes a sexless marriage, the reasons behind it, and what to do and not to do if you want things to change. This problem is far more common than you may think, so don’t start comparing yourself to other couples around you. Many people become embarrassed if they’re not as intimate as they once were, so they put on a front and make sure that other people don’t know that things have considerably cooled off in the bedroom. The important thing is pinpointing what makes you happiest and how to attain it, so let’s get started.
What is a sexless marriage?
There is a general misconception about what constitutes a sexless marriage because people often think that it means that there is no more sex whatsoever in the relationship. The truth is that experts define a sexless marriage as one in which sex occurs less than ten times per year. Intimacy in a relationship is one of the elements that glue you together. When you can be close both intimately and mentally, you increase the longevity of your relationship tenfold, so if sex is disappearing or has already disappeared, it’s up to both of you to bring it back. Intimacy nurtures your connection to one another, and it leads to feeling happy and cared for.
In longterm relationships, it is not uncommon for sex to diminish, especially as your lives and schedules change. When you’ve both got demanding jobs, or children, (or both!) you can end up feeling exhausted by the time you get home and sex gets put on the back burner. As the days, months, and years pass, this becomes the norm and before you know it, you find yourself in a sexless marriage. You can end up feeling panic because you’re not sure what this means for your relationship and you start to wonder, “What does a sexless marriage mean? Am I losing my partner? The result can be that you both end up feeling pressured to be intimate with each other, and this changes the dynamic. It’s no longer sexy or exciting; it becomes stressful. When you feel stressed or pressured, you have more trouble being passionate, and this can become a vicious cycle.
You feel like you should be having sex, so you either avoid the subject, or you force yourself to do it and then it doesn’t feel natural, which in turn makes you feel worse. It can be exhausting. Chances are if you’re looking up “what do to in a sexless marriage” or “celibate marriage and what to do about it, then you’re not satisfied with the way things are. There are a few things to take into consideration when you set out on a mission to restore the passion between you and your spouse and keep in mind: what worked at the very beginning of your relationship might not work now. Relationships evolve, and that simply means that you’ll have to work on a powerful balance of what you know works and new excitement. But more on that later… Before we get any further, let’s pinpoint your specific situation so that we can explore what you can do about it and get those sparks flying again!
Sexless marriage: Which partner is not reciprocating the desire to be intimate?
It’s perfectly normal for there to be ups and downs in a couple’s sex life, but if you see that the length of time without being intimate is stretching out over months, it’s important to change something so that those months don’t become years. As I’m sure you know, sex is very healthy and like I said, it’s one of the main things that can glue two people together. Many people ask, “Can a sexless marriage last,” and the answer always depends on the relationship. Some people accept a decreased amount of intimacy in the relationship without feeling any repercussions, whereas other people might end the relationship because they need something more passionate.
Each relationship is entirely unique, so it’s up to you to think about what both of your needs and expectations are. Working as a team to be on the same page is always the best thing for you to do. A sexless marriage can develop as a result of a wide variety of things, and the solution will of course depend on where the issue is stemming from. Do you both try to initiate or is one partner more resistant to being intimate than the other?
Marriage and sex: You have an active sex drive but your partner doesn’t
It’s easy to start to feel uneasy when you come to the realization that you are initiating intimacy much more than your partner, and it is especially unnerving when you notice that your partner’s sex drive has become pretty much nonexistent. Many times, men stop initiating sex because of stress, or another issue that is common, and yet uncomfortable to talk about. Men experiencing some form of erectile dysfunction are sometimes afraid to tell their partner, so they avoid intimacy as a way to avoid having to talk about it. A man’s ability to perform is often a question of pride, so if they are no longer able to do so whenever they feel like it, they might adopt a different type of behavior. If you are thinking that perhaps your husband is experiencing this, it’s important that you approach him with affection and no pressure.
Show him that you want to be close to him and enjoy cuddling as well. By the way, taking things into your own hands and taking care of making sure you reach the finish line is also great, especially because it can turn him on. Another issue behind issues with intimacy is mental blocks that affect both men and women. If someone has lost self confidence or has developed a negative body image, this can also lead to a decrease in their sex drive. Make sure that you rule out any health issues before you focus on emotional ones. It’s not uncommon to have a no sex marriage if your partner doesn’t feel comfortable being intimate because they’re not happy with their body. If you don’t make an effort to make them feel more confident or initiate sex, things are not going to change. Other mental blocks include unresolved issues from the past, insecurities or problems in the relationship, or stress from work.
Marriage without intimacy: When your partner tries to initiate but you aren’t receptive
Another possibility is that your partner initiates intimacy, but you haven’t been feeling receptive. As I said above, this can be a result of a variety of emotional factors, and it’s important to think about where this feeling is coming from. Are you now looking for sexless marriage help because you don’t know why you’re feeling this way, or because your feelings for your partner have diminished? Is it because of the routine in the relationship after all these years of being together? Don’t hesitate to get in touch with me here so that we may find the best solution for your specific situation. Regardless of the issue that you’re experiencing right now, there is a solution and I am here to guide you from A to Z until you reach your goal. Having the desire to change is going to be one of the most important things if you want to get things back on track.
In the second part of this article, you are going to find tools for ushering in change right away. If you do feel that the problem is coming from you, analyze it. If you need to boost your self confidence, hit the gym or get yourself some new clothes that make you feel great. If you feel that it’s a physical issue, set up an appointment with a doctor. There are so many tools available to you and all you’ve got to do is take matters into your own hands and start making changes that are going to benefit your relationship. There are so many responses to what to do if you are in a sexless marriage, and sometimes just reaching out to a professional can get you back on track in no time.
What are the main causes of sexless marriages?
So I’ve gone over some of the most common culprits behind sexless marriages, but what other causes might there be? Lack of sex is a problem, but it’s a consequence that’s only on the surface. Once you pinpoint the root of the issue, the issue will become much less frightening because suddenly you’ll have a better idea of what you can do about it. Oftentimes, when I am coaching people who are experiencing this situation, I see that the root of the issue is that actually that they’ve become disconnected from their personal lives. They take on the role of “mother” or “father,” “husband” or “wife,” and the pressure of daily life stamps out their libido. All of their time and energy goes into work, making sure that they provide love and support for their family, the education of their children, staying on top of all the things that they have to do… In the end, they no longer have a life that feels like their own, and they become stressed or emotionally dependent.
The relationship and the connection between the two partners are forgotten and what’s more, both partners feel like they’re losing themselves and each other. The result is a negative spiral. Another issue is that as time wears on, the routine begins to take over. This is nothing out of the ordinary; it’s just something that you have to learn to combat… Unless of course, you’re fine with things being calm and easygoing all the time. Some people need more passion than others so again, what constitutes a sexless marriage depends on your expectations! An active sex life is not going to maintain itself. You have to work at it if you want to keep things fresh, which by the way is one of the most important elements of satisfying, long-lasting relationships. That said, lack of novelty isn’t the only culprit behind marriages without sex. It can also be an accumulation of little things like one partner’s feelings getting hurt, or one partner getting turned down too many times.
Other issues can stem from communication issues both in terms of the relationship and in terms of the couple’s sex life. Other times, when one or both partners become too busy or neglectful of the other, issues can arise in the intimacy department. Lack of trust in the relationship, financial issues or pressure at work, weight gain and negative body image, anger, depression, infidelity, demanding children, anxiety, an unbalance of power, childbirth, fatigue, and tension between the two spouses can have an effect on their sexual activity. When there are negative feelings in the relationship, communication is the key to get both of you back on the same page. Though these conversations can be uncomfortable, they are vital. When you don’t understand one another, it feels like there is a disconnect between you, and this of course can carry over to the bedroom as well.
How to fix sexless marriages
So now let’s get to the good stuff! If you’ve found yourself in this situation, let me share some expert advice on what to do about a sexless marriage, and what you can start doing today to turn things back around. When you had just begun your relationship with each other, I bet you couldn’t keep your hands off of each other. Now that things have cooled off, I can only imagine the questions running through your mind. It might even feel like it’s a completely different relationship now. Perhaps you’re wondering, “How can we be together if we aren’t even having sex?” The good news is that you’re in luck. The fact of the matter is that though your sex lives aren’t as spicy as you would like, you ARE still together. This means that sex wasn’t the only thing holding you together, so your bond is much deeper. A lot of times people get together because of what we like to call “Passionate Love at First Sight,” and then once the initial excitement and sexual tension wear off, there isn’t much left. You’re in luck because your relationship has a stronger foundation and you’ve been together for a while now. This means that you know each other very well and know what works, what doesn’t work, and what would be an exciting change for you.
One of the quickest fixes for how to help a sexless marriage is planning a Date Night at least once a month. Take some time away from it all just to be together. Leave your phones on silent, and break away from the routine. Go to restaurants you’ve never gone to before, and if it’s possible, maybe even rent a hotel room for a night. Think back on the beginning of your relationship and then recreate the moments that allowed you to really get to know each other. Allow yourselves to be spontaneous by organizing surprises and thoughtful gestures for one another. You can start doing these things now and your partner will most likely pick up on what you’re doing and take it as an example of what they can do for you as well. Sometimes, all you need to do is talk about it, even if initially it makes you feel uncomfortable, but there are also some deeper rooted issues like unhappiness in the relationship. Again, communication is key and perhaps couples counseling is the remedy. When talking about sex, focus on keeping it lighthearted and fun.
Reveal some of your sexual fantasies to your partner and discuss trying new things. When you’re together, don’t underestimate the power of romance, especially in the form of contact. The more you touch, the more connected you’ll feel, so allow your skin to touch when you’re together. It is the quickest way to reignite those feelings. Ladies, if you feel like the sex in your relationship could be vastly improved, focus on revamping your personal life. Pick up old hobbies, and make time to see people and do activities that make you happy. When your personal life is intact and making you happy, you’ll see that your hunger for sex with your partner will increase. Gentlemen, if you’re looking for the remedy to this situation, try focusing on setting the mood. And I don’t just mean right before the act itself. Take it upon yourselves to be more facile with your ladies, be romantic, and make her feel special. Be flirtatious and light some candles, get a hotel room for the night, and show her that you’re focused on her. Ladies and Gentlemen, there is one thing to which I’d like to draw your attention.
Though communication is very important so that both of you can understand one another and remain on the same page, actions do speak louder than words. So my advice is this: Though you do have to talk about it, limit the number of conversations you’re having on the subject. The more you talk about something, the more pressure it places on the situation, so focus more on making an active effort to bring about change. Focus on sweetness and fun, give your partner heartfelt compliments and show them that you are physically attracted to them. Don’t forget to be tactile, and make an effort to do things that you know work as well as new things like sending steamy text messages or photos, or leaving a note for them to find. By the way, one of the best remedies that help sexless marriages is hitting the gym. Not only do you get your endorphins flowing, you start to feel better about your body. Your energy, blood flow, and stamina will increase.
Relationship without sex: What to avoid doing
I’ve shared a lot of tips and tools in this article, but I haven’t talked about what you should avoid doing yet. Sometimes people make the mistake of thinking that they should try everything when they’re experiencing being in a sexless marriage and they end up making mistakes because they didn’t think before acting. People often go to extremes to try and spice up their love lives but things end up going too far and creating long lasting damage. I have coached multiple people that turned to new experiences like swinging, and their relationship ended up crumbling because it wasn’t right for them. Though I advocate trying new things, it is crucial that both you and your partner are on the same page and want the same things. Similarly, you should never put yourself in situations in which you aren’t comfortable just to please your partner.
Sometimes people misunderstand their partner’s need for intimacy and end up having a reaction that makes matters worse. It’s important to note that men and women are wired a bit differently and men typically have a higher sex drive than women (though there are often exceptions to this “rule”). The result of this is that many women write off their partner’s desire for sex as a biological hankering when in reality he wants to feel wanted and close to his partner. Women are able to attain this closeness through other means such as cuddling, so sometimes it’s hard to understand their partner’s needs. When a person begins to feel rejected, they can begin to feel frustrated, depressed, or even resentful. And this is of course leads to other issues. If a person is rejected enough, they stop trying. Like I said earlier, avoid putting pressure on yourselves by talking about the issue over and over and over again. Talk about it once or twice, address the issue and come up with solutions together, and then focus on carrying out the solutions. You’d be surprised at how often I see people pointing fingers at one another or using an aggressive tone of voice. Instead of attacking your partner or pressuring your partner about the issue, pay attention to your words. Don’t say, “We never have sex.” Instead, try telling your partner that it’s been a while and you miss him or her!
No sex relationship: Keep this in mind
I couldn’t write this article without mentioning a very important notion. Remember how I said that each and every relationship is entirely unique? Well now that you have lots of information on sexless relationships and marriages, I want you to take some time and reflect on your relationship. The meaning of sexless marriage is relative. It is based on what both of your needs are in the relationship. If you are both content with having sex less than ten times a year and you are happily married, then there is no need to panic. A marriage with a decrease in the amount of sex that the couple is having becomes a problem when there is dissatisfaction. If you two are content with the way things are, you do not have to make a valiant effort to bring about change unless that is truly what you and your spouse want.
I am always here to answer any questions that you may have, so don’t hesitate to reach out to me personally by clicking here.
Wishing you all the best.
Your coach for combatting a sexless marriage,