The dangers of falling in love too fast and what you can do about it!
We all want love. We all want a partner that is going to be by our side and make us feel joy, passion, excitement, and a sense of contentment on a daily basis. We have so much we want to share, and we all want to finally find that wonderful, fulfilling relationship. We all want to feel desired by someone special, and we all live in a society that can feel empty or unsatisfying in a variety of different ways.
What’s more, we grew up in a culture that feeds us fairy romances through movies, TV shows and books, and we crave a love that looks exactly like what we’ve seen through the media. There is nothing wrong with wanting true love! There is nothing wrong with having an idea of what you want it to look like, and there is nothing wrong with taking the initiative to go out and find your soulmate!
The problem arises when people begin falling in love too fast…
Why does this happen so often, and why does it create such substantial problems? Is there anything you can do to steer clear of it so that your relationship doesn’t fizzle out as quickly as it started? What are the dangers of falling in love too fast? I have written this article for you today because I see how often people find themselves in this situation, and I don’t want you to lose the opportunity to build an incredible love story simply because you have the tendency to fall in love too fast. I am going to go over why this happens and what exactly you need to do about it!
Why do people fall in love too fast?
I’ve worked with a lot of people that come to me and say “I fall in love too quickly.” They haven’t been having luck in their love lives because they get ahead of themselves and end up damaging the dynamic in the relationship. The result is that the relationship crumbles and they’re left bruised and confused.
So why do some people fall so fast? Well, it’s a very human reaction. We are born with a desire to be loved, and when we get a taste of something that feels like it has incredible potential, we latch on.
At the beginning of a relationship that seems to already be fizzling out, I often hear people saying, “I don’t understand. We had such an amazing time together when we met… The chemistry was there, we talked for hours, we even kissed… Why is he/she so distant now? And why do I feel like I’m already falling in love?”
I’m going to be blunt because it’s important that you see things clearly. This is the only way you’re going to ensure that you properly develop the right relationship and end up living happily ever after with the person of your dreams.
When you feel a connection with someone and even when a relationship is budding, it’s crucial that you understand that the fact that you had a great time does not automatically mean that this person is ready or willing to invest and commit to a relationship with you. It’s important to learn how to recognize when someone is sincere, take your time, and know how to protect your heart until this individual has shown you that he or she is willing to invest just as much time and effort as you.
Sometimes you can have the most incredible time with someone, but it doesn’t mean that he or she isn’t a “player,” selfish, or narcissistic. Some people thrive off of creating a thrill in the moment. It gives some people a fix, an ego boost, or sometimes even a sense of control.
I want to be very clear. On of the most important keys to forming long lasting, stable relationships is patience!
I’m not telling you all of this to scare you, and I don’t want you to assume that anyone you’re developing feelings for you is just going to forget about you at the drop of a hat. No, I just want you to understand why it’s so important to take your time and truly feel out the dynamic between you and define whether or not this person is on the same page as you. If this person isn’t going to invest and you allow yourself to keep giving and giving, chances are that you’re going to get hurt.
Taking your time with these things allows you to get a better understanding of whether or not it’s a good idea to dedicate your time and energy to this relationship. When you recognize that the right person has come along, your decisions and actions must be driven by mutual investment – not fantasies.
I recently had a coachee that met a girl on vacation in Mexico. He had gone there with some friends for ten days, and she was staying at the same hotel. They clicked immediately and spent about five days together. They went swimming together at night, explored the beaches together, laughed, talked, and it felt like magic. He told me that he couldn’t believe his luck, and couldn’t wait to see her back in LA (they were both from California). He knew that his friends would love her, and he imagined the amazing relationship that they were going to have. The guy was head over heels by the end of their Mexico trip.
But low and behold, she went back to LA a few days before him, and it was as though she had dropped off the face of the planet. He figured that it was fine – they’d just see each other when he got back a couple days later. He called when he arrived, and she didn’t answer. So he texted and waited for her reply. She wrote back later on that evening, but did not seem all that enthusiastic. She seemed quite indifferent actually. At first he thought he must have misinterpreted her texts, but as the days went on, he realized that she had no intention of seeing him and he felt his heart crumble.
He asked me if he had done something wrong, why she didn’t want to see him anymore when they had had such an amazing time, what he should do… As we talked, I began to ask him about his last few relationships, and we discovered that he had a pattern for falling in love fast.
We went on to discover that his enthusiasm at the beginning of relationships actually played a part in why so many of them fizzled out as quickly as they began. I know it’s paradoxical – why would someone get scared of a relationship when you show them that you’re interested in a relationship? Why would someone shy away from a relationship with you when things were going well and you make it known that you’re willing to be a reliable, supportive partner? What’s so scary about that?
Well, people sometimes feel like they’re suddenly under pressure. They suddenly feel suffocated and worry that things are moving too fast. So they panic. Learning how not to fall in love too fast can actually ensure that your next relationship can develop into its full potential.
So that brings us to the How-To section of this article…
How to not fall in love too fast…
Falling in love is of course a very natural thing, especially when you recognize that this person has all the qualities you’ve been looking for in a partner. They make you feel good, they make you laugh, you have so much in common, communication is fluid, they get along with your family and friends… the list can go on and on.
But you’ve recognized that diving in headfirst too early on can shift the dynamic between you, even if you know deep down that the potential for greatness truly is there.
The goal is now to begin working on not falling in love too easily. Yes, yes, I know. It’s easier said than done, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible!
There are various tools for this that will actually benefit all aspects of your life, and I am going to begin with the biggest one!
You need to channel your energy into making your life as great as can be. I want you to actively work on making your life reach its full potential. This means that you actively pursue your professional goals, you spend ample time with family and friends that make you happy, you work on physical goals, you make time for passions and hobbies both new and old, and you challenge yourself.
Not only will this greatly benefit your own life, it’s going to keep you safe from any possible issues relating to emotional dependency.
I bring this up because I have seen a common theme in people that come to me for help asking, “Why do I fall in love so easily and so quickly?” For some people, a relationship and a partner serves as means to fill a void because they cannot make themselves happy. This is very dangerous territory and I want you to steer clear.
Taking care of your personal life not only enables you to live the life you’ve always wanted, it proves to you that you are perfectly capable of making yourself happy. You do not need to rely on another person, and this allows you to keep things in perspective.
If you start feeling like you’re constantly yearning to spend time with your significant other, work on making plans with your best friends. Filling up your schedule can help you to keep your emotions under control, especially if you feel like you’re starting to fall way too hard.
It’s hard to control your emotions, but trust me you can do it. You are also perfectly capable of taking a step back. Even if you feel that you’re falling in love, you don’t need to put your life on hold. In fact, creating balance in your life by making sure you dedicate ample time to activities and people that are important to you is going to ensure that you allow the relationship to develop naturally.
Even if your heart swells each time you look at this person, you have to maintain balance in your life so that the relationship doesn’t end up feeling suffocated.
How to avoid falling in love too quickly: Bonus tips!
When you’re in the thick of it and you feel your heart begin to hammer in your chest whenever you think about this man or woman, it can be hard to keep your emotions under control. You might instinctually want to run and tell him or her that you’re madly in love and want to get married and have babies!
But as we’ve discussed, that can be a bit much – especially when it’s early in the relationship.
So what are some other tips to help you to avoid falling hard and fast and possibly getting your feelings hurt?
Well, chances are that not many people know you better than your best friends. If they’ve hung out with you and your significant other or potential partner, ask them how it looks to them. Is this person as invested as you are? Does it feel like he or she is in love or is falling in love?
Be open to their honest opinions and ask them if you’re being unrealistic. you’re genuinely asking them, so they should not be afraid to tell you the truth – whether it’s positive or negative!
Another thing to do is to relativize. If you’ve been in a relationship before, then you know that you’ve experienced these feelings (or at least something very similar) before. Our memories are funny when it comes to relationships. We think we’ve never felt this way before when in truth we absolutely have. It helps to put things in perspective, and no – it does not mean that this time around isn’t special! Just be careful to not get too carried away.
Speaking of keeping things in perspective, keep an eye on this person’s flaws. No one is perfect, so be careful to avoid placing them on a pedestal. It’s important to accept someone with all their flaws, but it also helps you to not get ahead of yourself and fall in love too quickly.
If you feel like you’re struggling with falling in love too fast and you’re worried that you’re going to get hurt, you can always get in touch with me directly here!
Similarly, if you have any questions please feel free to leave your comment below and I would be more than happy to personally get back to you.
I sincerely wish you all the best my friends.
Your coach for knowing how to not fail in love too quickly