Self love: How to create MORE of it!
I’ve been a love and relationship coach since 2007 and I can honestly tell you that one of the most important things in my life is helping people to learn to love themselves and become happy in their lives. I think it’s such a terrible shame that we aren’t taught in school how to love ourselves, how to build our self confidence and how to believe in what we bring to the table.
Something that I don’t often talk about is the fact that when I was younger, I had trouble with self love as well and I struggled to find a solid sense of self confidence. Fortunately, I was able to challenge myself and do the work, and in the years that have passed since then, I’ve been able to define tips and tools that can help a person to change their life. Just because you’re struggling with self love today, it doesn’t mean that it has to stay this way!
In today’s article, I want to give you four concrete tips to help you find self love and feel better than ever. Learning self love is one of the most important things you can do in your life, and it’s not as difficult as some people think. By the time you get to the end of this article, you’re going to know exactly what you need to do in order to finally love yourself and set yourself up for longterm happiness in love!
What is self love and why is it so important?
A lot of you have heard the term “self love” before, but I’ve noticed that many people misinterpret these words. They assume that self love is synonymous with selfishness or being self-obsessed when in reality it has nothing to do with that.
Self love is about appreciating who you are and being kind to yourself. It’s especially tough because we live in a society that is constantly making people feel like they aren’t good enough, they aren’t thin enough, they aren’t successful enough, and so on and so forth. It’s very destructive and it’s such a shame. Self love is what we need in order to be truly happy in life, both with ourselves but also in relationships, in our personal life as well as our professional life.
We only have one life so it’s crucial that we learn what self love is and how to love ourselves.
So, as I was saying in the introduction to this article, there are certain actions that you can begin to incorporate into your life that will change everything. Self love comes when you can finally control that little voice in your head that tells you all the negative things that feed into your insecurities. But how can one control this pesky little voice?
There are three ways to find self love and change the way that you feel about yourself. The very first one comes in the form of affirmations. Self love affirmations are positive sentences that you repeat to yourself so that you can start to train your thoughts to become more positive.
I know that many of you might be thinking that this sounds unrealistic, but I can tell you that it works from personal experience. If you’re familiar with me and my background, then you know that before becoming a love and relationship coach, I was a professional basketball player in France.
At the age of 12, I have a mental coach that I worked with every single day who put me in front of a mirror and had me repeat, “Alex, you are the best!” I remember thinking that it was such a strange thing to do, but then I realized that he was helping me to train my mind and this is something that you can do, too. Train your mind to be happy by starting your day with self love affirmations.
“I am happy and I am so proud of the person I am and the life I am creating for myself.”
“I am a good person with good values, and good things are coming to me.”
“I am loved and more love is on its way.”
The more you train your mind, the easier it will be to be happy, and the happier you are, the more you will love yourself. What’s more, if you’re positive in your mind, then you can attract the right people too. I encourage you to do this every two hours and this will start to feel like an anchor. The more you do it, the more natural it will feel. It’s crucial to do these types of things every single day. Think about it like going to the gym – when you stop going, you start to lose muscle and the brain is like the muscle. It’s up to you to train it!
How to have self love: Define who you want to be
Another thing that I often tell my clients to do is to take a pen and a piece of paper and write down exactly what they want to do in their lives. So, write down who exactly you want to be. A good way to do this exercise is to think about somebody that really inspires you and dissect what it is about this person that inspires you exactly.
Think about what your dreams and goals are, and write them all down. Be as specific as you can be and then you can start working towards these concrete goals and then you will have results. I can guarantee that when you have results, the way you feel about yourself and your life will change.
It’s very important to give yourself clear goals and aspirations and to step outside of your comfort zone. If you want to develop your sense of self love, you’ll need to develop your positive state of mind. I always recommend giving people compliments without doing it to get anything in return. If you want to attract the right partner, start socializing more. Really make an effort to talk to the people around you and as you get to know more and more of them, you can choose the one you like!
Practicing self love by allowing yourself to be who you want to be
When we are speaking about how to self love, it’s important to note that you have to work on yourself. When you do this, you’re allowing yourself to be the person you truly want to be.
Maybe it’s time to hit the gym, maybe you can update the way you dress or change your hairstyle, and it’s definitely time to work on creating more self love through building your sense of self confidence. So continue to challenge yourself! Go to that salsa class you’ve been thinking about. Read a book about personal development, and work on yourself from here on out.
If you’ve been having negative thoughts like, “I’m not good enough,” then it’s time to change. Remember that everything comes with how to you present yourself, and I don’t just mean with the way you dress. Stand up tall with your chin up, make sure that you smile at people, and be confident in the way that you interact with others. One of the things my coach taught me when I was young was that the way that you stand can give you a huge amount of energy. If you’ve got your shoulders slumped and your arms crossed, you’re not going to be exuding anything positive and your mental state will reflect this. So give yourself all the tools that you have available to you and you’ll see that all of these little things will have a positive effect on your sense of self love.
Self love in your every day life
I know that there are probably some situations in which you feel confident about yourself and others in which you feel like you need to work on your self love. So your job today is to write down exactly what you don’t like and start to work solutions next to each one.
Are you unhappy with your appearance? Make time in your schedule to go to the gym multiple times every week, start taking fitness classes, pay attention to your diet, and make choices every day that make you proud.
Do you want to be more successful? Give yourself longterm, medium term and short term goals that you can start working towards today. Where do you want to be a year from now? So where would you need to be six months from now? And where would you need to be two months from now?
What can you start doing this week to reach your two-months-from-now goal?
When I give my clients these exercises, I ask them to apply them to their four lives:
Family & Friend life
You can also try this: Every Sunday night, give yourself a challenge for the week in each of these four lives. You have to work on creating a foundation from your self confidence. If you want to love yourself then you’ve got to love the people around you, do things that make the lives of those around you better, that have a positive effect on your professional life, and that make your life better overall. I want you to take matters into your own hands and take power over your life. This is what will give you that self love you’re looking for.
Think about what EXACTLY brings you joy, and make an effort to incorporate more of it into your day to day life. This could be certain people, your passions and hobbies, a sport, renovating part of your home, anything that brings you joy! Just think about how you can introduce more happiness into your schedule (even if your schedule is busy!) every single day. Over time, your life will feel more fulfilling and in turn, you will love yourself more for giving yourself this gift.
I am always so happy to share my experiences with you, and I want you to know that I am here to help you personally if you would like one on one coaching. We are all here to grow and it makes me so sad to see people that don’t love themselves. It’s so important to me and I want to do everything in my power to help you love yourself fully. You can find more of my tips by clicking here to access my YouTube channel, and as I said, you can always work with me one on one by clicking here.
You have to actively work on creating something bigger than you and you will see that you will begin to love yourself more and more. If you can become the best version of yourself, you will start to create a meaningful life – a life that you love and deserve!
I wish you so much happiness in your personal life as well as in your love life.
Your French relationship expert,