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Red flags in a relationship: the biggest ones and how to steer clear of them!

by | February 11th 2020 | 14 comments

When a relationship is developing with someone, we tend to see the world through rose-tinted glasses, right? We’re mesmerized by pretty much everything our partner does, we feel warm and fuzzy when we think about them, and we can’t wait for the next chance we’ll get to spend time with them. We’re so captivated by them and by the budding relationship that we can be at risk for turning a blind eye to some of the biggest red flags in a relationship, and this is very dangerous.

I work with people on a regular basis who come to me for help in getting the guy they want, or for saving their relationship. But one thing that we don’t talk about that is equally common is identifying a toxic relationship. The absolute best way to guard against falling into a toxic relationship with someone is by knowing how to detect red flags in a new relationship. If you can identify these things, you’ll be able to protect yourself from a relationship that ends up causing you pain and suffering.

I’ve been working as a love and relationship coach since 2007, and I have personally been able to help and guide over 40 thousand people. In all these years, I’ve been able to identify some of the biggest red flags that you need to keep an eye out for when you’re starting to date someone new and I wanted to write this article for you today on this subject. It is my goal to give you all the tools you need to ensure that you can be happy and fulfilled in love for the rest of your life!

Being aware of red flags in a new relationship

The issue with toxic relationships is that they tend to develop and become toxic over time, and sometimes people are left wondering how and when things got so bad.

In my experience, this usually happens when a person either ignores or does not know how to recognize the early dating red flags that appear. It’s such a common phenomenon, and it is the source of so much pain. I really want to make sure that I give my clients the tools to remain vigilant and know how to protect themselves from winding up in an unhealthy relationship.

It’s always easier to get out of a bad relationship when it’s in its beginning stages than when you’ve been together for many years.

I actually just got an email from a young woman named Elisabeth a couple of hours ago, and she’s the inspiration behind today’s article. She is struggling with making the guy she wants to be with commit, and in describing her situation she brought up one of the main warning signs in a relationship that I want you to keep an eye out for.

She told me that she’s interested in this guy that she met a few weeks ago at her friend’s birthday party. His name is Sam and she saw him checking her out from across the room. They were introduced to one another by a mutual friend and they seemed to click right away. The conversation was flowing, he was charming and clearly very interested in her.

They hit it off so well that they started texting in the week that followed, and she was super excited about going on a date with him.

They talked about going to this beach she knew about to have a picnic together as the sun would be setting, and Elisabeth couldn’t wait. It all sounds great, right? Well, Sam has already canceled two dates on her. They haven’t even gone out yet and he keeps canceling!

So Elisabeth is over here wondering what’s going on and what she needs to do to get him to stick with the plan, but unfortunately, this guy is showing some pretty big red flags already. So let’s go ahead and take a look at the 6 biggest red flags in a relationship that I want you to be aware of.

Identifying the biggest red flags in women and men

I want to be entirely honest with you. All too often I see people making excuses for the person they’re dating because they want the relationship to work so badly, but if you ignore red flags, you’re only doing yourself a disservice. One of the keys to profound happiness in love is keeping your eyes wide open and being aware of what lifts you up versus what brings you down. Learning how to spot a big red flag can make an enormous difference in your love life and can ensure that you wind up with a person that is going to make you happier than anyone ever did before. It will make sure that you are laying out a foundation for a relationship that will withstand the test of time and inspire you to become the best version of yourself.

Toxic relationships are way too common and I want to do whatever I can to protect you from them. So if you realize that you are recognizing the red flags that I’m about to go over, its time to pull the plug on this new relationship. I know that’s not fun to hear, but your future self will thank you.

I know that many people want to find love so badly that they end up accepting inappropriate or negative behavior from their partner, even when they know that it’s not right.

But you don’t have to do that. Plus, you’ve already gone out of your way to read an article on red flags in a new relationship so I know that you’re setting yourself up for success! So let’s go ahead and take a look at what to keep an eye out for when it comes to spotting relationship red flags.

Red flag in a relationship #1: You are not being yourself

This is so common. I see this all the time! A person gets into a relationship and suddenly they start to think that they’re not good enough, they’re not confident enough, and they feel like they need to be someone else to make their partner happy. It’s almost like they start to play a role to impress their partner and deep down, they feel really uneasy and stressed about not being able to keep their partner interested.

If you can’t be yourself with this person, it means that you need to change your behavior. Now is the time to work on yourself and truly become the best version of yourself. At the end of the day, a new relationship has to have a strong foundation and in order for this to happen, you have to be true to yourself and show who you are.

If you can make these changes and stay true to yourself, you can change the dynamic of the relationship and set it up for success. Ignoring red flags can severely undermine your relationship, and create an imbalance that ends up in a toxic relationship and/or a breakup.

Red flags in a relationship with a man or woman: Your Intuition

It’s always important to pay attention to your gut feeling. If something feels off to you, don’t ignore it.

Maybe you have a hunch that this person isn’t telling you the entire truth or is intentionally omitting information. For example, perhaps they’re still dating around, perhaps they’re in another relationship, or perhaps they’re just not committed to you… If your intuition tells you that something is up then it’s very possible that there is.

It’s a tool that should not be underestimated. Sometimes it can even manifest itself in the form of a twisted stomach or anxiety when you think about the person you have started to date….

Relationship red flags and deal breakers: Inconsistency

This is one of the biggest AND most common relationship red flags that I’ve come across in all my coaching sessions with clients.

When a person is hot and cold, and completely inconsistent in their actions, you’re looking at a blaring red flag. Let’s say that one week this person is constantly calling you, texting you, seeing what you’re up to, saying sweet things, wants to see you… And then from one day to the next, he or she vanishes into thin air.

A week later, like clockwork, they’re back.

What ends up happening in many of the situations I encounter is that the person on the receiving end of all of this just accepts it because they’re afraid of losing their partner. The result is that their partner continues to do it. Remember that you need to be careful with what you allow from a person because you are in essence teaching them how to treat you.

If you want to have a long-lasting relationship that is healthy and happy, you need a partner who is consistent and trustworthy!

Long term relationships red flags: Constant arguing

I sometimes work with people who tell me that they really want to be in a relationship where there are explosive fights because it makes them feel alive. The problem with this is that sometimes “passion” is confused with toxicity. Tough love is fine, but if you’re constantly yelling at each other and putting each other down, you’re creating a very weak foundation for your relationship and you’re opening the door to a toxic relationship.

Again, a healthy relationship is one in which both partners build each other up. There will inevitably be disagreements from time to time, but a relationship that is full of conflict will not be a sustainable one.

Similarly, if a person is always blaming you for literally everything, it’s one of the red flags of an unhealthy relationship. This is more than a toxic relationship actually, this is being in a relationship with a narcissist. Sure, once in a while your partner will blame you for something, but if it’s a consistent issue and you’re always the scapegoat, it’s a problem. If you’re seeing this, you will need to pull the plug on the relationship.

Relationship red flags: Moving too fast

People often think that when a person clearly doesn’t want to invest or commit to the relationship, it’s a red flag, but they often forget that the polar opposite is also a red flag.

When someone dives in head first and declares their undying love for you without even knowing your favorite color, this is also a relationship red flag.

If someone gets involved way too fast, there is no time to create a solid foundation for your relationship and things will be unstable and it puts you in a very vulnerable position. This red flag isn’t the end of the world, but you absolutely must be careful with this type of thing.

Things need to develop at a natural pace in order for a relationship to reach its full potential and be healthy and stable.

Your partner is always comparing you to their ex or to other people

Another big red flag in a relationship is when a person seems to always be comparing you to someone else. This is also very common.

When you first meet, everything is lovely, but then they start to make comments about how their ex did things differently, how his colleague does things differently… maybe even better…

But you need to be with someone who is sure about you, who appreciates you and everything about you that makes you unique. You should not be compared to other people in their lives, past or present, because you are an individual that should be appreciated as such.

Avoiding red flags in a relationship is crucial

I really want you to be careful with the red flags I’ve gone over in this article. If you’re unsure about whether or not you are experiencing red flags, I encourage you to reach out to me. It would be my pleasure to personally coach you and make sure that you set yourself up for longterm happiness in love.

Some red flags are minor and can be fixed, but others need to be avoided at all costs. If you’re unsure, remember that I am here to help you every step of the way.

To summarize, the biggest red flags are when you realize that this relationship is making you not be yourself, when your intuition tells you that something is wrong, when a person is inconsistent, when you two are putting each other down all the time, and when your partner is constantly comparing you to other people in their life.

You deserve nothing but the best from love, so make sure that you aren’t accepting things that will undermine your chances.

I wish you the very best!


Your coach when you want to know the biggest red flags in a relationship

Alex Cormont


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    Hello Respected Sir.Thanks for sending the article “Red flags in relationship”. When relationship begin it’s like a fairy tale for everyone and it’s no doubt.But problem creeps in when things start to change slowly one by one.
    . Less or no call,texts, msgs meetings start showing in relation .This is ignored when one have all sorts of excuses for the relationship to survive,even though deep down inside we know something is seriously wrong and it’s getting one sided.At this moment it’s important to control the emotions instead of falling in love trap quickly.
    Giving time to each other is huge like where it is heading,how partner reacts,the communication among them, investing time should not be ignored.Its important to stay urself n not lose urself for others sake.We can’t wait that one fine day things will change so better to move on instead to suffer .
    …. . Relationship is build with balance in which both accept each other positive points and respect the differences . Giving value to the person ,his work by giving honesty , loyalty n trust make it work .True relation always lift u up in life with your worth and value in partners eyes.
    … Sir I hope you will like the matter .In case you didn’t agree and would like to suggest please let me know
    …… .. It would always be my pleasure to personally learn from you.waiting for your reply and response along with many more lessons and articles . Wishing your happiness grows each moment and each passing day as you grow with success . lots of regards .

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    Wow!!! I’m really learning a lot about how to handle a relationship. I wish I knew all these earlier in life. Thank you Alex,

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    Hi Alex! Merci beaucoup pour cet article

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    Thank you for the information. I always enjoy your articles they are truly infornative and right on target. I have been in a toxic relationship with narcissistic tendencies for almost 3 years now and wish I had all all the knowledge I have gained now prior to this it would have saved me alot of heartache and tears.

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    My boy friend is showing some red flag by not contacting me and behaving in consistent.how I will overcome this and get long lasting love and commitment

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    My ex broke up with me 2 weeks ago as he is saying I always pick on something but he always wanted me to express myself and when I tell him e.g. that he is lacking/inconsistent with giving me or the relationship attention, he is not agreeing. I had a feeling he has commitment issues and recently it was confirmed that he does have that due to past relationships. He finds that he can not change neither do I, as I say I can adjust. We both still love each other, but he believes that a relationship cannot be based on love only but also on understanding and acceptance. After the break up we saw each other twice as we are businesswise connected and when I see him, I do see and feel the love but he does not want to say it. I follow all your vids and also from coach Adrian and coach Nathalie and I really try not to show him that I miss him and still love him. Alex, what can I do? Should I wait for him or ….

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    Dear Alex. Thanks for the red flag tips. I have left a hot and cold and believe the man is a narcissist, plus a Hoarder which is a mental disorder. He got mad at me because I called him for putting me down about a TV Program. No less. This person jumped up out of his seat on my living room sofa and had a tantrum like a two year old. He was argumentative and tried to “flip the script” on me, but it did not work. He also calls me and hangs up and blames the disconnect on my cell phone being old. However, what he is doing is trying to “gas light me” and likes things “crazy”. What do you call a man like this crazy or just a narcissist – or both. Can you do a video on this type of man that I am finding very common. Or, am I just a magnet because I am an empath.

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    Some relationships are toxic.

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    Wow!! this article is of great help coach. Amazing! I am happy to read this. Salute to you, Coach Alex.

    Thank you ❤️

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    As I work on myself and spend time alone, I see the red flags I ignored or brought them to my ex attention. To dismiss them because of the gaslighting, I even recognized the gaslighting. It got to the point my inner self wouldn’t allow me to continue to ignore the toxicity.

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    My best relationship coach ever. Thank you sir.

    • Alex Cormont

      Hi Jane, thank you! Happy to have you with us 🙂

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"What if the true definition of love was not what you thought it was?"
It’s time to make your own.

Alex Cormont

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