How to cure loneliness: the 3 biggest tools!

Loneliness affects a great number of people today despite the fact that it is now easier than ever to meet new people all the time. I see this on a regular basis and interestingly enough, not all of the people who want to know how to cure loneliness are single. Many of them have significant others and some of them even have kids. I’ve written this article today to go over the root of loneliness and all the tools that are at your disposal for overcoming it.

We can experience loneliness at any stage in life, but I know that it’s exceedingly frustrating when you feel like you are living a good life and have a fantastic social life. So when you have great friends and a schedule that is full of things that bring you joy, how come you still feel lonely? I’ve outlined various steps to take when you are struggling with a feeling of solitude, and these are applicable whether you’re in a relationship or not! You’re in control of your life and I’m going to show you how to get rid of this feeling once and for all!

So many people are lonely today, but the good news is that there are certain things that you can change starting now that will make a huge difference. By changing the way you view it and implementing various tools into your daily life, you can combat the feeling of loneliness and begin living the life you’ve always wanted to live!

How can we define loneliness?

The definition of loneliness will vary slightly from person to person, but generally speaking it is characterized by a feeling of solitude and dissatisfaction.

I talk to coachees on a regular basis and hear them saying, “I am so lonely, there is someone missing from my life!!” It’s so simple today to spend time with friends and family, and with the help of dating apps and friends we can meet new people all the time. But after having been confronted with my coachees’ solitude so often, I understood that these things aren’t as simple as one might think. It’s in part due to the fact that we don’t all live in big cities, but also the fact that once we pass a certain age, it becomes harder to meet new people with whom we have a lot in common.

I know that we have all gone through periods when we feel lonely. I have definitely experienced this as well. At one point I felt like no one understood me, I didn’t have much in common with anyone, and even though I wasn’t looking for a romantic partner at the time, I felt lonely. Of course, everybody’s situation is different, and so is the context. This became even more clear when I spoke to single moms that felt like they were locked up in solitude. I was a young guy who was able to go out whenever he pleased. I didn’t even have the responsibility of children so I had much more freedom.

Regardless, every person who feels lonely will have a different situation, and there are solutions to every problem. You just have to remember that efforts have to be made and sometimes it’s going to take more than one try. You can’t let this scare you off! I was on Instagram this morning and I saw a quote that caught my eye.

“What comes easy won’t last long, and what doesn’t come easy will last long.”

I really liked this quote because it was a reminder that the more you invest in something the greater the reward can be. So even if you feel like you’re scared to put yourself out there or do what takes to overcome loneliness, remind yourself that it is worth the effort.

But before we get into all of that, let’s take a look at the different forms of loneliness.

In order to understand why you’re feeling so lonely and why this is such a common phenomenon in the people that come to me for help, I simply asked them to tell me the negative emotions that they’re feeling. Whether they’re in a relationship, single, on a break, or in any other type of situation in their love lives, here are the top seven:
1. “I’m looking for the cure for loneliness because I don’t have a significant other.”

2. “I never open up.”

3. “It’s hard for me to express my emotions.”

4. “I’m always there for others but no one is there for me.”

5. “I’m afraid being judge so I keep to myself.”

6. “I feel like people take me for granted. I even feel alone at work because I have no relationship with my coworkers.”

7. “My partner doesn’t understand me.”

As you can see, loneliness isn’t always the result of not having a romantic partner or not having enough friends. The issue can go much deeper and can actually be a mental block that can’t be fixed overnight. The feeling can be overcome little by little by spending time with like-minded people – not by making the mistake of thinking that more one night stands will help fill that void!

Cure for loneliness: Pinpointing the source of this emotion

As I was saying, loneliness can stem from a multitude of different things. People that feel lonely can be in committed relationships, can have lots of solid friendships, and can even be quite popular. Many times, my coachees explain that they’ve always felt lonely – even when they were little. They had trouble making friends and they didn’t feel appreciated. If a person is still feeling lonely today, something needs to change.

So where is your loneliness stemming from?

I need the cure for loneliness because I’m single

Not having a romantic partner is one of the most common reasons behind loneliness. We are naturally social beings and aren’t meant to be alone. It’s hard to come home to no one day after day. There is nothing more normal than wanting to be in someone’s arms and know that you get to wake up with them every morning.

I was speaking to one of my coachees recently, and he was telling me that he has been feeling lonelier than ever because he’s passed a certain age and really wants to have a family. Both his younger siblings are already married and his sister is having her second baby, and he wishes that he could find his soulmate and begin their life together.

I’m going to tell you the same thing that I said to him. When your loneliness begins to feel like pressure, you have to be careful. You don’t ever want to settle for something that isn’t quite right for you simply because you don’t want to be alone anymore. It can lead to serious consequences – especially if you begin a family and then realize that you this relationship isn’t right for you. It’s always best to take your time and make sure you do things right. Only then can you ensure that you’ll grant yourself access to the best relationship possible.

The cure for loneliness isn’t to dive into a relationship with the first man or woman that comes along. Sure it might give you a quick fix, but if it falls apart, you could end up feeling even lonelier than before. Like I said, take your time and let things evolve naturally.

When you’re in a relationship but are still lonely and depressed!

Feeling alone in a relationship sounds a bit contradictory, I know, and not everyone can understand this, but it isn’t that uncommon.
If there are more and more breakups and divorces, it’s often because a person no longer feels appreciated and they no longer feel complicity in the relationship. Moreover, it’s also possible to feel a lack of communication and understanding between the two partners which leads to tension and the lack of desire to spend time together.
There is no longer any exchange of positive or negative things. Unfortunately, many couples experience this. You’re with someone who isn’t that interested in your desires and your expectations, who doesn’t make much of an effort despite yours (or lack there of!) A routine can also settle in alongside a lack of shared projects, and the relationship can transform into two roommates living under the same roof.

I’ve just experienced heartbreak and I need a cure for loneliness

When I use the term “heartbreak,” it doesn’t necessarily have to be related to something romantic. I once coached a woman who was experiencing a profound feeling of loneliness because she had just had yet another miscarriage. It was difficult for her to open up to her husband or to her mother because they couldn’t truly understand what she was feeling. She was running out of time to have a child, and she felt like it wasn’t a topic that she could really talk about with people. Moreover, she was beginning to be taken over by fear of the thought of never knowing the joy of being a mother, and the doctors weren’t doing much to make her feel any better about her prospects. Without even realizing it, she became a rather antisocial because she was afraid of being judged. She lost her self confidence and was afraid of being seen as a bad wife.
For her, solitude was both a refuge and a punishment because her loved ones couldn’t understand. She wasn’t sharing her thoughts and feelings with anyone and the only solution was work on personal development. To succeed in doing so, she was going to have to get through a painful step: Accepting what happened.

Loneliness and depression as a result of a demanding job

People come for me for help with curing loneliness because it seems impossible for them to find time to meet someone special. They have a demanding job and their schedule is always full, and it’s not bringing them joy. Sometimes they’re so unhappy at their jobs that they end up feeling like they aren’t useful. I’m going to go more into detail about this feeling in a moment, it is something that complicates matters as it makes you pull away from others.
It’s hard to open up to people around you especially when you feel like you’re constantly surrounded by your colleagues and no one else. When you’re feeling dissatisfied with your professional life, and when you’re feeling a lack of self confidence, it’s perfectly normal to feel lonely.

So what is the cure for loneliness?

First things first, I want you to understand that it is absolutely in your power to overcome this feeling and you can start working on it today! You don’t have to let the feeling of loneliness run your life any longer. Besides, I know that you were determined because you are sitting here reading this article right now!
If you’re single and lonely and know in your heart of hearts that you are ready for a relationship, a cure can be finding the right person for you. That said, finding a partner is not in the ONLY solution!
I think it’s also important to mention that very strong friendships can be a wonderful cure for loneliness. It’s true that many of us feel misunderstood or like we don’t have much in common with others, but if you feel like this is the case for you you can work on meeting more people. Platonic love should be just as highly valued as romantic love. Like I said above, some people in committed, intimate relationships are sometimes even lonelier than single people.
There are plenty of ways to get out there and meet like-minded people. For example, if you have a particular hobby, you can sign up for classes or meet-ups. Similarly, even just reminding yourself that there are other people out there that are just like you can be a wonderful feeling. You can listen to podcasts, attend seminars, read books, or even try out new activities based on your passions!
I know it hurts when you feel like you don’t belong or like you can’t turn to anyone, but on a planet of 7.6 billion people, I know that there are plenty of potential friends and partners out there for you! You just have to put yourself out there and find them.

As this article on how to cure loneliness comes to a close, I want to leave you with one more thought. Many people turn to external circumstances and other people to make them happy and feel good. We so often forget that we bring so much to the table and we can have a positive impact on many people.
Has someone ever randomly smiled at you on the street? Even if it took you off guard and you didn’t smile back, I’m sure it stuck with you and made you feel nice when you thought about it later on that day. You can begin being a source of joy in other people’s lives, and you’ll see that it’s going to start coming back to you as well. There is a lot to be said for opening up and being vulnerable. I know that sometimes it’s scary to open up, but being vulnerable with other people makes them feel as ease enough to do the same with you. This is how connections are built.

Someone once told me that when they feel lonely they feel worthless, and like they’re not enough. They had forgotten that they matter, their actions matter, and they can have a positive influence on other peoples’ lives.
So as you begin working on filling up your life with more opportunities to meet people and combat the feeling of loneliness, I also want you to think about small acts of kindness and thoughtful gestures that you can begin implementing into your daily life.
And remember, when it comes to feeling great in a relationship, you have to be able to feel great about yourself. You can’t feel great about yourself until you get to know yourself, and being on your own allows you to do just that! So take advantage of this time and use it to your advantage!

I’m wishing you all the best in life and love, and don’t hesitate to get in touch with me if you would like one on one guidance!

Sincerely,

Your coach for knowing how to overcome loneliness

Alex Cormont