Online Chat: Could It Be A Way To Find Love?
Online Chat: Could it be a way to find love?
I know that when you read the words Online Chat, you probably immediately think of chatrooms and forums. You might even think of AIM and Instant Messenger! As I’m sure you know, our means of communication have vastly expanded. The internet has connected millions of people worldwide and we can meet people more easily than ever.
But what are the most common platforms for chatting online and is it really possible to begin a romantic relationship with someone in this fashion? The truth is that the internet in an incredible tool to meet people, but as with anything of this nature, there are certain rules you need to follow.
In this article, I’m going to go over some of the biggest do’s and don’ts of online chatting, as well as how to flirt online!
Online chat: Why do people love it so much?
Like I said above, the internet has become an exceptionally effective tool for bringing people together and connecting them no matter where they are.
Many people are fully aware of the fact that chatting online or using online dating services is one of the absolute best ways to meet someone compatible. We live such busy lives that sometimes it’s hard to meet new people. Every day is filled with work, school, or other responsibilities, and a lot of people don’t have the time to go out all the time and find new people to meet.
A lot of people are also quite shy and have trouble approaching people when they’re face to face. They prefer a gentler approach in which they can get to know a person from a distance before meeting up IRL!
Though the idea of chatting online with a stranger online could make you nervous, it should actually make you feel really excited. There are so many doors that are open for you!
Online chatrooms and forums are also great ways to connect with people that share the same hobbies, passions, and interests as you. Similarly, there is often a community feel where people help each other. From forums on meet up websites to chatrooms, to dating apps and dating sites, there are so many ways to communicate and meet new people.
And no, it doesn’t always have to be romantic!
You can absolutely use free chatting online as an excellent means to make new friends. This is especially true when you’ve just moved to a new place and you don’t know anybody yet.
If you want to find something romantic, online chats are good tools as well, but chatting with someone on a dating site or dating app is going to get you results much faster. That doesn’t mean that you can’t start chatting with someone that you find interesting online, though!
There are so many platforms available to us today, and all you have to do is have fun browsing. As with anything, it’s preferable to be subtle in your approach at first so that you can test the waters and see if the other person is interested in something romantic!
Chatting online: The most common platforms
Like I keep saying, there are so many internet platforms where you can chat to someone that interests you. Here are the most common ones:
Facebook is probably the biggest social media platform out there and is used to be people of all generations and backgrounds. With the Facebook Messenger feature, it’s easy to keep in touch with anyone that you’re “friends” with. If you aren’t connected on Facebook and you send a message to someone, your message will go to a folder in the person’s inbox called, “Message requests.”
Fortunately, it’s easier to find these messages now because, in the past, this folder was often rather hidden.
People use Facebook chat all the time, and once you’re connected with someone it’s an easy way to keep in touch and/or help something bud.
Though Instagram is mainly known for images and video, you can chat with people and send anyone a message. You can easily send pictures and videos that have been posted (by you or someone else) back and forth. When you’re talking to someone you’d like to flirt with, Instagram is a great tool because it’s filled with hilarious memes.
As I’m going to explain a little further down in this article, humor is one of the best weapons for making someone fall for you, especially when you’re talking online!
Instagram is often used as a way for people to curate how others see them, and it’s often a way that a person makes the first impression on someone interested. Especially in the younger generations, it’s not uncommon for someone to browse a person’s Instagram account when they’re interested. If the potential “target” is active on Instagram, this allows a person to get a better idea of what they like, and what kind of life they live. The only thing is that it’s sometimes hard to get an accurate depiction of someone’s life based on their Instagram photos because more often than not, people only post the very best.
This is why it’s so important to not remain stuck in the virtual world… but more on that later!
Snapchat is a social media platform that is primarily used by the younger generation, and the idea behind this app is that any image you send disappears after a certain amount of time that you set. Other users can always screenshot the image you send, (and you’re notified of this).
People use snapchat to send all kinds of photos and videos… Anything from hilarious images, moments from the event they’re attending, something steamy, or anything that they feel should only exist for a moment.
There is also a messenger service that you can use to chat with people online.
Online chatrooms, though not so commonly used anymore, are forms of communication in which messages can be sent either anonymously or not. They’re commonly used to discuss and debate topics like politics or sports, ask for advice on a multitude of topics or flirt.
Strangers can discuss a wide variety of topics. Unlike forums, messages in chatrooms are typically shorter and resemble a spoken conversation.
Interestingly enough, there is a term I learned recently: Chatiquette
It comes from the word “netiquette,” which refers to the etiquette used when speaking via written text on the internet. For example, it is a pretty well-known fact that when you’re communicating with someone via written words, you avoid doing so in caps lock - unless you want the other person to read your message and imagine you shouting it.
Knowing how to flirt when chatting on the internet
If you’ve been chatting with someone online that interests you, whether it’s via an online chatting room, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, email, text message, or pretty much anything else that revolves written words, there are certain rules you’re going to need to follow.
Flirting with the person you want through text messages is actually a great way to warm up to meeting face to face. Once you’ve gotten to chat a bit, you’ll have an easier time feeling at ease in person.
Perhaps you already know this person in real life, and you’ve started talking online. It’s a great way to get to know each other better without putting too much pressure on either of you. I know that in the beginning, a lot of people tend to seize up and put too much pressure on themselves to be perfect. When they’re face to face with the person they want, they have trouble being themselves because they’re so stressed about thinking on their feet and making sure that they’re always prepared with the perfect thing to say.
You want to make sure that you aren’t obvious about your intentions right off the bat! You want to make this person begin to wonder if you’re actually into them or if this is just your personality.
Another great thing about flirting online is that you can do it at any given moment. All you need to do is make sure you know how to be patient and not expect an immediate response. You can text or message when you’re feeling confident and when you have something funny or charming to say. He or she will respond when they have the time, so you don’t have to worry about thinking on your feet and being 100% prepared at all times.
I should say though, make sure that you’re not the only one putting in all the work. Your “target” should be flirting back, and even if it’s not entirely 50/50, you shouldn’t be flirting considerably more than they are. If this happens, you’ll be coming on too strong, which is a huge turn off for a lot of people.
The trick is to maintain a bit of mystery and as I said - make them wonder if you’re interested in them like that!
Complicity is THE most important thing! You want to establish a real connection with this person and prove to them that you aren’t like every other person that’s going to try and flirt with them!
You can also use online messages to build sexual tension. Making each other laugh and flirting are the perfect ways to get closer.
One of the best tricks for knowing how to flirt in an online chat is putting yourself in the other person’s shoes. If you were to receive the text you’re about to send, how would you react?
Would it make you laugh, would it make you smile, or would you be creeped out? Make sure that you’re using this tool as well as you can!
You want to have interesting things to share and talk about. What questions would really help you to get to know this person? When you’re talking, make sure that you pay attention to their answers and bring them back into the conversation later on!
You want this person to think positively of you after each conversation, so pay attention to what you’re sending. It shouldn’t be awkward or boring for either of you. Start developing some inside jokes and pay attention to what you kinds of texts get a good reaction from him or her.
If you know this person a bit already, send them a text that pertains to a band or a hobby they like, and if you don’t know them well, ask them about what kind of things they enjoy. Once you get closer, it’ll be considerably easier to start to chat online!
That said, when it comes to knowing how to flirt with someone via text, it could be said that it’s even more important to know what NOT to say!
Don’t say anything that makes you look desperate, needy, or clingy! You want him or her to feel that you’ve got a really interesting life, and more importantly, you want him or her to feel inspired to be a part of it! You DON’T want them to think that your entire universe revolves around them, and especially not right when things are starting out. You might be surprised at how quickly this can turn someone off.
Furthermore, if you’re too forward, you could very much damage the mystery. You want to be charming, mysterious, and not at this person’s beck and call. Both men and women respond well to an exciting challenge - not someone who’s always begging for their attention.
Online chatting: Don’t remain stuck in the virtual world
Though online chatting really facilitates things when you’re talking to someone that you really like and want to pursue, it also can cause some problems that I want to quickly go over with you.
One of the biggest mistakes that I see people making is keeping things in the virtual world for far too long. Sure, when you’re shy, it feels easier like this but at some point, you have to meet up face to face or else things aren’t going to go anywhere. The other thing that can happen is that you start to paint a picture in your mind of the other person that is not accurate. Truth be told, you can’t fully get to know someone unless you spend time with them in person.
This reminds me of what happened to one of my coachees. She had met a guy on Tinder, a dating app, (by the way, if you want to know more about these apps just click here). Linn started chatting with this guy online for weeks on end, and he was funny and charming. She really enjoyed talking to him and was very much looking forward to meeting up with him for a drink. She had no doubt that it was going to be great because he was so fun when they were talking online…
Well, when they met up, he looked like his pictures, yes. Perhaps a little taller than she expected but that’s pretty much the only difference… physically speaking.
Linn was completely caught off guard because this guy that she had been chatting with for weeks, ended up showing her a completely different personality. He was able to be outgoing and charming via texts and online messages, but in real life, she felt like she was talking to a wall. He was nice, but so reserved, and so uncomfortable, that it made her feel uncomfortable and awkward… And as you can imagine, the date was a bit tedious.
She was quite disappointed and ended up telling me that she wishes she had met up with him in person earlier on so that she could have seen what he was really like. She said, “Because honestly, I don’t want to have a virtual relationship.”
So my advice is to use this tool to warm up to meeting in person, and if you feel like you’re going to be very different in person, I suggest working on your self-confidence. To help with doing just that, I invite you to read this article. You bring a lot to the table, so make sure you don’t hide how great you are!
All my best,
Your coach for knowing everything you need to know about online chat,