Intimacy Issues: How To Get Back In Control of Your Sex Life!
Issues with intimacy fall into the category of erectile problems, but what sets this apart is that it is caused by one specific thing: a mental block.
Contrary to impotence or erectile dysfunction, men who encounter issues with intimacy don’t struggle with obtaining a solid erection. The problem they come across is that they lose their erection at a point during which they should still be erect. Very often this happens right at the moment that they enter their partner, and this gives rise to frustration both in both individuals.
The issue isn’t a physical one like extra weight, diabetes, or problems with circulation because the erection begins properly. It’s more related to a blockage that disrupts the entire dynamic.
Fortunately, it is perfectly possible to overcome this phenomenon and unlock any issues with intimacy, and I am going to explain how to do just that in this article. Before I go into detail about the psychological element and what actions to set into motion in order to fix these issues, I’d like to begin by talking about how to react when you encounter issues with intimacy. This reaction can change a lot of things and for some men, it could even be the solution.
Issues with intimacy: The 3 principal factors at play…
Are you wondering where issues with intimacy come from? Are you hoping to get a better understanding of this phenomenon? Well, there are three main things at play that can explain why a man would encounter problems with intimacy.
1. Intimacy problems can be directly related to stress
Of course, there isn’t one sole reason behind issues with intimacy, but in three out of four cases, the psychological element is affecting a man’s erection.
The psychological element is one of the main causes of issues with intimacy because stress is the main thing that causes blockages. For some people, stress can be linked to sex itself, but for others, it might have nothing to do with sex at all.
For example, if you’re experiencing burnout, you are at a higher risk of experiencing erectile issues than if everything is going great at work and in your personal life.
In order to have a truly satisfying sex life, you have to work to keep stress and the issues of everyday life under control. Your well being is very important so it must never be neglected. Keeping all of this in check is going to be one of the biggest key players in making sure that you’re on top of your game when you’re in the sheets.
Nevertheless, more often than not, penetration or the act of having sex itself is what gives rise to issues because it provokes a certain fear. For example, if this is your first time, or if you feel guilty about sleeping with this person, your brain will send a signal that can create a mental block. Sometimes the issue is actually the fear of having an issue!
2. Subconscious thoughts can be at the root of issues with intimacy
The trouble with intimacy can arise from negative thoughts about oneself. For example, a person might not feel like he is good enough for this woman. A lack of self-confidence might make you think that you’re not strong enough to really pleasure her.
We have thoughts and memories that have developed as a result of our personal experiences like past relationships, possibly having watched too much pornography or an upbringing that taught you that sex was something bad, dirty, and quite the opposite of pleasureful.
When it’s your first time sleeping with someone and you want to make sure that you perform well, it’s the pressure that you place on yourself that gives rise to the issue at hand. You’re so afraid of premature ejaculation that you’re unable to attain an erection.
3. Emotional intimacy issues stemming from a person’s childhood
It can be hard for a man experiencing issues with intimacy to accept that perhaps the problem is simply stemming from his relationship with his mother. It’s perfectly normal, but this doesn’t mean that you’re having unhealthy thoughts when you’re being intimate with your significant other.
Some men had been raised in a very overpowering way by their mothers, whereas others suffered from a complete lack of love or had a mother that always belittled them and made them feel small. The man keeps searching for love throughout his life from his mother, but what happens when he finds a sweet, loving woman who is there for him and is willing to give herself to him entirely?
This man that was once in search of love finds himself submerged in it. Excitement grows and as their two bodies become one and penetration begins, this wave of love subconsciously conjures up the incessant search of love from his mother. The result is that he immediately loses his erection without knowing what just happened.
He remains stuck and panics, wondering why this is happening to him and why now?
What happens when a person experiences severe intimacy issues?
As I was explaining above, issues with intimacy typically arise right before penetration, but this isn’t the only moment during which it happens. It can happen when you are undressing one another, before or during oral sex, while you’re changing positions when your partner begins to moan with pleasure…
For some men, this issue comes without warning and for others, it happens at different times, making it hard to understand this problem.
Erection begins after stimulation or a sexual urge. Your brain sends a message to your penis which begins the mechanics. Your body slows, your pupils dilate, excitement increases, etc.
Your body is suddenly in a state that is not usually in. It’s almost like it’s in a trance and excitement takes over everything until ejaculation frees you from this hold. Excitement is what keeps you in this state. If there is no more excitement, then there is no more erection.
However, when you experience symptoms of intimacy issues, the issue isn’t related to excitement because it’s still very much present! It’s probably even at its maximum level. This is why so many men don’t understand what is happening to them, and they feel hopeless or panicked at the thought of facing an issue that they don’t know how to overcome.
An issue with intimacy is simply an emotion that can come from an image, a gesture, a thought, a word, or a sentence that was constantly repeated to you in your past that is integrated into our thought processes – even if you don’t necessarily agree. These subconscious memories come into play the moment you are more excited and they short circuit the sexual pleasure you are experiencing.
Physical intimacy issues: Your first reaction!
What happens when a man loses his erection right before he enters his partner?
For the man, there can be a moment of panic. The loss of his erection makes him realize that he is losing control over what his body is doing and his emotions.
His first reflex will be to focus on his erection and try to think of the sexiest images he has in his mind to make himself fully erect once again. He might try to touch himself or still try to enter his partner in the hopes that his members will spring back to life. Sometimes it works, but it is often quite hard to get back on track when the blockage has already happened.
Intimacy issues in men: What are the two mistakes to avoid making?
The first mistake is in fact immediately putting all of your focus on your erection or lack thereof. The more you focus on it, the more the feeling of panic will increase and make you lose control over your emotions.
Right after this, the majority of men make their second mistake, which can be fatal if you want to heat things back up. It is stopping all contact. No more caresses or kisses, and it’s as if the entire world stopped. This negative decision can amplify the problem because your partner can completely misinterpret your attitude and think that your desire is gone.
For her, this loss of erection followed by no more contact at all could make her think that you just don’t think she’s sexy or attractive enough and that you simply don’t want her.
There is no worse moment for someone to feel unwanted than right in the middle of intimacy.
This is why proper communication with your partner is going to be the key to success after experiencing a problem with intimacy. Incomprehension and things that are left unsaid can truly damage the love between you and this is easily avoidable.
How should you act when you experience an issue with your erection?
Of course, when this happens, the first question you ask yourself is, “What do I do?!” Well, sometimes you have to think in a completely different way.
Let me explain…
The way to act after losing your erection is to accept that it’s happened and continue regardless of it. Massage her, kiss her, use your hands and tongue, your fingers or toys… Continue pleasuring her.
This attitude will change your relationship and the way she feels about it. She will no longer feel like maybe you lost your erection because of her, and accepting what just happened and moving on from it can allow you to get hard again because it gives you the chance to get your emotions back to where you want them to be.
For some men, the simple act of losing this erection and just waiting for it to naturally come back can be all it takes to fix the problem.
What to do about intimacy issues
First of all, let me be clear. There isn’t one single treatment for issues with intimacy because we can’t predict when it’s going to happen. Moreover, it’s usually a psychological element. Nevertheless, if you find that this is happening a bit too often, don’t panic.
Follow these four principals so that you can avoid future issues with intimacy.
1. Understanding the cause of issues with erection
I know this might sound obvious but it’s an important reminder. You have to understand the origin of the issue if you want to fix it. It can be linked to physical or mental fatigue, something difficult that you went through in the past, or other aspects that are more or less buried within you.
If you’re a woman and you’re wondering, “How to deal with someone who has intimacy issues,” you’ll need to talk to your boyfriend or husband and figure out whether or not this has happened in the past. Just make sure that you’re not being judgmental, and don’t automatically think that sex had been better with someone else. Remind yourself that this has nothing to do with his attraction to you.
2. The solution for intimacy issues: Working on managing your emotions
When you want to overcome issues related to intimacy while you’re making love to your partner, you have to pinpoint where this blockage is coming from by working on yourself and on your past by analyzing what has hurt you and what words have stuck with you.
Of course, the goal here isn’t to relive the past – it’s to pinpoint the moments that caused you any type of suffering and replace them with something stronger that you are going to start working on today. You have to move forward at your own pace and be supported by your partner.
By improving your self-confidence, by taking responsibility for your choices, accepting things that you’ve gone through in the past, and accepting to work on your own wellbeing, you’re going to steadily reduce these issues. The happier you are in your life, the less these issues with intimacy are going to pop up.
The moment you feel confident in your relationship, in your personal life, and in the love you’re receiving, you will be able to have and maintain a solid erection that will not falter for any reason!
3. Overcome intimacy issues by temporarily abstaining from sex!
When you’re experiencing trouble with maintaining an erection, the energy that accompanies it feels negative. Even if you’re experiencing an issue with your erection, it doesn’t mean that your desire for your partner isn’t there.
You’ll quickly release this energy a few days later via masturbation (and sometimes while feeling ashamed about doing so). This release of energy will naturally be renewed by a new cycle.
This fear and this anger and frustration towards yourself is going to invade your mind when you’re unable to enter your partner, and accumulation of moments that this happens will make you feel bitter about the entire situation. Instead of improving your life, these feelings are going to fill your head with negative thoughts, make you nervous, impatient and aggressive, and you’ll end up being completely unhappy.
In order to turn this energy into something positive, I encourage you to force yourself to abstain from sex for fifteen days! This forced abstinence will allow you to clear out these negative thoughts and increase your sexual desire.
You’re going to give it the time to regenerate in a positive environment that will naturally return when you avoid masturbating. Some men actually masturbate too much and this can actually be at the root of issues with intimacy as well.
Doing this will allow you to take a step back and put things in perspective, calm your thoughts, and once again find the sense of well being that you had lost.
Afterward, when you start being intimate again, you’re going to approach the situation in the way that I outlined above: You’ll accept the possibility of losing your erection, but even if it happens, you aren’t going to stop. The idea is to take the pressure off of the situation and continue enjoying the moment with your partner. The less you worry about it, the less you’re going to lose your erections!
4. The best remedy for intimacy issues: Don’t blame yourself!
If I can give you one last piece of advice it is this: whatever you do, don’t put yourself down over this. It isn’t your fault. A lack of love from a mother, the harsh words of a father, the sometimes hurtful teasing of an ex… These words and actions have left you with wounds that have logically turned into mental blocks.
So don’t blame yourself. Instead, allow these things to make you even stronger.
Issues with intimacy aren’t the end of the world – it’s just a challenge in life that can make you even better than ever once you resolve them.
Your coach for knowing how to deal with intimacy issues,