How to be good in bed: The best tips for men and women!
Are you wondering how to be good in bed and how to spice up your sex life? Are you looking for some new things to try and some positions you’ve never done before? You’re in luck because this article is going to explore how to become a better lover and feel more confident in the sheets!
We all know that there are good and bad ways to have sex, but don’t panic if you’re worried that you aren’t satisfying your partner. You’re about to find tips and tools for both men and women to help spice things up and ignite the passion.
It’s perfectly normal for someone to think about how to be good in bed. You aren’t arrogant and know that there are always things that we can still learn, and you want to be certain that you’re pleasuring your significant other or the person who is in your bed with you! Maybe you’ve been with your partner for a while and you want to turn up the heat in the relationship by making the sex more incredible than it was before, or maybe you’re looking for a way to make a certain someone (or more than one person!) come back begging for more!
Why everyone wants to know how to be great in bed
People often want to learn more about being great in bed just because they want to feel more confident when it comes to making love, but it goes deeper than that as well.
If you’re in a relationship, knowing how to please your partner is going to help you two to become closer and to solidify the bond between you. Intimacy deepens your connection because you learn more about your significant other and they learn about you. Learning how to listen to your partner and how to please him or her will make the sex better and better as time goes on. The better the sex becomes, the more you’re going to want to have!
Being in a relationship with a new person inevitably means that you have to learn what both of you like and dislike. This can be a very fun process, but you have to actively try things out!
A lot of people might think that wanting to know how to be good in bed is simply about getting an ego boost, but in reality, for many people it’s about confidence in their bodies and their abilities, and it’s about reinforcing the physical aspect of their relationship with their significant other.
Many people separate because the “sex wasn’t good.” Chemistry between two people is very important, but sometimes when the actual sex is a bit lackluster, the relationship slowly falls apart… and I think that that is a huge shame! There is so much that you can do to make sex better in your relationship!
In fact, just last week I was speaking to a woman who was telling me about her divorce. She was still on great terms with her ex husband… They had been married for almost twenty-five years, they had two beautiful daughters, and their relationship was always positive and healthy. So why the divorce?
They divorced simply because the sex disappeared.
This is why I keep saying that sex is so important. When you feel that it could be better or that it’s slowly becoming less and less frequent, there are many things that you can do to change the direction your sex life is taking so that you can save or maintain your relationship!
How to be good in bed: Everything you need to know!
Most people have a general idea about what to do in bed… You begin with foreplay, and then you get down to business, but I realize that many people don’t fully grasp certain elements of this. For example, when it comes to foreplay, people often go right towards the target without taking the time to really arouse him or her.
When the body is very aroused, it becomes more sensitive to touch, which inevitably can make sex better. This means that before you turn all of your focus to in between your partner’s legs, take the time to explore other erogenous places on their body.
It’s true, women have more erogenous zones than men, but there are certain areas on both men and women that enjoy special attention! Think about kissing his or her neck, ears, stomach… (More on this later!)
By the way, I’d like to mention that many people skip foreplay way too often! It might be because you just can’t wait to make love with your partner (in which case, fine, go for it!) but it might be because you’ve just started going through the motions of sex with your longterm partner. Good foreplay is a great way to rekindle the flame in a relationship and make you feel closer and more excited to make love.
Let the moments leading up to sex become more and more filled with sexual tension. Undress your partner slowly and let the anticipation rise. Kiss, lick or nibble areas on their skin before you even begin to undress them. Depending on the kind of sex you want to have, (whether it’s wild or slow and tender), play with how you undress your partner. If you want it to be wild and you don’t mind possibly losing a few buttons, have fun and rip their clothes off so that they can see how badly you want them! Just make sure that you gauge how your partner is feeling and if they are in the mood for this kind of passionate lovemaking. When it comes to being good in bed, one of the most important things is to know how to read your partner’s desires.
If you want to have slow and tender sex, kiss the skin under each button you unbutton and work your way down. Caress his or her body with your hands and pay attention to sensitive areas (suck or nibble the tip of one of their fingers for example). Set the pace and show your partner that you’re loving his or her body.
Another important aspect of how to be really good in bed is really quite simple: Confidence.
If you feel good about your body you’ll feel less inhibited and distracted. Exercising not only releases endorphins that naturally make you feel happier and more energetic, it makes you feel more confident about your physique and improves your stamina… Which definitely comes in handy when you want to have great sex! No one expects you to have the stamina of a Olympian athlete, but having to stop for a breather every three minutes isn’t very sexy.
Don’t underestimate the importance of physical health, especially when it comes to being good in bed!
Now that we’ve gone over the general rules of being a good lover, let’s take a look at how to be good in bed for women and men!
What makes a woman good in bed: 15 tips
Let’s take a look at how to make Aphrodite herself envy your sexual prowess in the sheets! The underlying theme behind all of the tips I’m about to share with you is confidence, so always make sure that you’re feeling good about yourself and about your body, and that you know that you can make a man putty in your hands.
- Show him how much you want him: One of the things that turns men on most is seeing how much you desire them. It makes them feel attractive, desirable and sexy, so don’t be afraid to let your guy know that you want him. Nobody wants to have sex with someone who seems like they’re just settling for it or accepting it… They want to see the passion and desire in your eyes! You can communicate this to him through body language, initiating sex, or even telling him outright what you want to do to him or what you want him to do to you! It’s up to you to choose what you feel most comfortable with, and always remember to have fun!
- Don’t hesitate to initiate: Speaking of initiation, don’t hesitate to take the reigns. We need to get rid of the silly stereotype that men always need to initiate sex. If you want it, go for it! What’s more, the more he sees you taking charge the more turned on he will be!
- Tell him what you want: Everyone can benefit from a bit of guidance, especially when it comes to being great in bed. No one can read minds either, so when you’re getting hot and heavy, go ahead and guide him with your hands or whisper in his ear what you really love. Positive reinforcement goes a long way, even if it’s after you’ve finished your session in between the sheets!
- Don’t fake orgasms: Following in line with telling him what you want, faking an orgasm isn’t going to help show him what you really like. If your guy needs a bit of help when it comes to making you climax, instead of faking an orgasm and making him think that he should continue pleasuring you the way that he has been, give him a bit of guidance. Remember to avoid too much criticism and focus on the positive. Tell him what you love and what you’d love more of.
- Try experimenting with new things: Don’t be afraid to switch things up to surprise him or to combat the routine. Try new positions, having sex in new places, try using toys, role play… and above all things, if he opens up to you about something he’d like to try, don’t judge him. Be open minded (as long as you’re comfortable) and again, always have fun!
- Be open about fantasies: It doesn’t matter if you’re in a relationship or not, if you’re dreaming of trying something or pretending to be in a certain situation, bring it up! Many times a guy won’t bring up their fantasies for fear of being too vulnerable, but you can open up the conversation and make him feel at ease by sharing your fantasies. Besides, hearing you talk about that is going to turn him on even more…!
- Don’t be ashamed of things you like: So maybe you’re into something kinky, or you need a vibrator or talking dirty in order to reach climax. Don’t hide these things because you’re afraid of what he might think! Many women don’t want to change a certain image that men (or their man) have of them, so they hide aspects of their sexual appetites… not realizing that these are the exact things that can turn up the heat!
- Be spontaneous: Don’t hesitate to surprise him because this is exactly what keeps things fresh and exciting in relationships. If you walk by a sex store, take him by the hand and lead him in to see if you find anything that looks fun! Initiate sex when he least expects it!
- Don’t be afraid to play rough: A lot of men like it when you get a little rough. Play around with some hair pulling or some biting (just don’t actually hurt him…!)
- Learn to be in the moment: Many people get distracted with stress from work or negative body image, and instead of enjoying the intimate moment they’re sharing with their partner, they’re thinking, “God, my thighs… I need to lose some weight,” or, “I still need to finish that report… What time is it…?!” Learn to be present with your man and enjoy his body. If you’re distracted, he’ll notice, and it will take away from both of your experiences.
- Love your body: Love your body, be comfortable with your sexuality, and show him that you’re feeling good. Don’t try to cover up any little imperfections. He’s got a naked woman in his bed, so he’s going to be focusing on that instead of any little things you might not like about your physique! This goes hand in hand with the notion of confidence and learning to be present in the moment.
- Don’t be selfish: One of the biggest mistakes a person can make in bed is expecting the other person to do all the work. You’re two people and it’s all about give and take when it comes to amazing sex.
- Be the dominant one sometimes: If you feel like your partner is usually the dominant one or if you are used to being the submissive one when it comes to a roll in the hay, switch it up and take the reigns! You can initiate sex, and you can explore positions like reverse cowgirl that give you more power over the rhythm.
- Up your foreplay game: Don’t forget what I said above about never neglecting the erogenous zones! There are a few on men that I wanted to include in here that you may not have been aware of up until now! These spots are full of nerve endings and can excite him more than you may have expected!
When things are heating up and you’re getting into foreplay or beginning to make love, give some special attention to the following:
His V line
His neck, and namely the skin around his Adam’s apple
The fleshy part under the corner of his bottom lip
Kiss and/or caress these areas to drive him wild!
How to be amazing in bed: Men
- Don’t overlook foreplay: Sure, sometimes you’re just so in the mood and all you want to do is get straight down to business, but men often underestimate the importance of this step! She might not outright ask you for it, but the majority of women want you to use your mouth and your fingers to warm them up before you actually begin having sex. Like I said above, the more aroused you make your partner, the more sensitive she will be to touch!
- Make sure you have good stamina: Again, being in good physical shape is going to do wonders for your sex life. Not only will YOU feel more attractive and confident, it is going to help you last longer and have an easier time bringing your partner to orgasm. Even if you finish before her, if you’re able to continue pleasing her until she finishes as well, you’re going to win some serious points.
- Try a little dirty talk: Start off PG and see what your partner responds well too. You can start by telling her she’s so sexy and then take it from there. Many women really enjoy hearing a man say naughty things in her ear while they’re in bed, so give it a try if you haven’t already!
- Make her orgasm: Though this one is pretty obvious, I still had to put it in here. It’s not the end of the world if it doesn’t happen every time, but if you feel like it isn’t really happening enough, don’t be afraid to let her guide you. You can make it sexy too - while you’re making love, whisper “Tell me what you like” in her ear. It’s borderline dirty talk but it’s also making the sex even better… It’s a surefire way to turn her on.
- Don’t be shy: If there’s something you like in particular, don’t be ashamed of it. If you prefer a certain position, or if you have something kinky that you’d like to try, don’t be afraid to bring it up. Don’t be bashful, but make sure you respect her boundaries as well. If you want to try something really out there, talk to her about it first and chances are she’ll open up to you about her fantasies as well.
- Switch up the rhythm: When you’re pleasuring her either during foreplay or when you’re making love, alternate between faster and slower rhythms. Pay attention to what she responds well to and give her more of that. Knowing how to be great in bed for her is all about paying attention to what feels good to her.
- Don’t neglect other parts of her body: Pay attention to all the other sensitive areas of her body and don’t just fixate on the bullseye! Her neck, her earlobes, her stomach, her butt, her inner thighs… All of these places want some special attention as well. One of the best ways to set the mood and turn her on is to give her a sensual massage. Begin with a massage that explores all parts of her body, and then bring your lips into the mix and start kissing her skin while you massage her… When you’re making love, don’t neglect the clitoris and her G spot. The best technique for this is fingering her or using your fingers to massage the opening of her vagina while you’re making love, or trying positions where you can be very deep (ex. Knees to ears!)
- Compliment her: Tell her how sexy you think she is and how badly you want her. One of the tricks for being a good lover is making your partner realize how much they turn you on. The more comfortable she feels in her body, the more comfortable she will be with oral sex and making love. The more at ease she is, the easier it will be for her to feel pure pleasure and reach orgasm.
- Cuddle after sex: Knowing how to be good in bed goes beyond just sex. Showing someone that you enjoy being with them is part of how to make sex amazing. Don’t underestimate cuddling after sex as many women find this to be very important!
If you want to know more on how to make a woman orgasm, I suggest you read this right away!
As this article comes to an end, I want to bring your attention to one last thing. If you run into any criticism, don’t take it too personally. After all, working together to make sex better will benefit both of you and you can find what you both like best! It’s hard to be criticized in life and even harder to accept it when it comes to how you make love, but if you’re able to laugh it off and have fun together, you can use it to make your sex lives better than ever.
I’m here to guide you every step of the way so don’t ever hesitate to reach out to me personally here. I’d love to hear your opinions and ideas on how to be good at sex, so don’t hesitate to leave your comments in the comments section below!
All my best,
Your coach for knowing how to be good in bed,