3 pro tips on how to start dating again
In today’s society, we end up dating so many people and experiencing so many disappointments that it comes as no surprise when you hear people saying, “I’m giving up on dating.” And yet, I hate hearing this. I know that you’ve been through so much already and sometimes it just feels easier to throw in the towel and give up on love altogether. It can feel like blow after blow, but I don’t want you to let past experiences hold you back from finally meeting the right person for you. That is why I wrote this article today on how to start dating again. I want to explore the proper way to heal from past heartaches so that you can finally gain access to the perfect relationship for you. In order to find it, there are certain things that need to take place…
So if you want to know how to jump back into the dating pool and finally find the perfect fish in the sea, you’ve come to the right place!
Dating again: Why do we feel so discouraged?
The truth of the matter is that we live in a consumer society. Everything is available to us at all times, and while that can be awesome, it can also give us a jaded perception of love and relationships. I often see that people feel bored when the honeymoon stage wears off and move on from the relationship in no time. They feel that there is no point in investing because they can meet someone else right away. The result is that the person who was willing to invest ends up getting their heartbroken. What’s worse, they see that this is a pattern that happens over and over again and in the end, they just want to give up on love altogether. I find this to be such a shame. People seem to be forgetting that no relationship is perfect and every single one will have its ups and downs. A bump in the road doesn’t have to mean the end of a relationship, especially when you know that the relationship has the potential for greatness.
Unfortunately, many people find themselves with a partner that simply is not willing to put in the work to strengthen the relationship and make it withstand the test of time. If you’re reading this right now, chances are that you’ve probably been put through the wringer already and you’ve been feeling like you’re ready to give up on love altogether. I mean, who wants to keep on getting hurt, right? But what if I told you that there are certain things that you can implement in your life to significantly decrease the odds of you getting hurt again? Things that can ensure that you get into the right relationship with the right person? A person who is going to be on the same page as you and invest as much as you’re willing to invest? You’re in luck because that’s exactly what you’re going to learn in this article. When you are ready to start dating again, keep these tools and techniques in mind so that you can find the perfect, long-lasting relationship for you.
Am I ready to start dating again?
There are a few ways to tell when you were truly ready to begin dating again. When your heart is still broken, dating feels like the most horrific thing in the world, but when you’re ready to open that door again there’s a shift. So instead of answering the question, “When should I start dating again,” (because the answer is going to be different for every single person), I prefer to explore the signs that you are ready. When you’re hurt and bitter, the idea of people in relationships irritates you. You don’t like seeing happy couples. That said, when you are mentally ready to begin dating again, you’re going to feel very different about it. Instead of resenting them, you’ll be happy for them and you’ll find yourself wondering if attractive people are single. If somebody catches your eye and you realize that you’re interested in getting to know them better, chances are that you are ready to start dating again. Similarly, the idea of someone inviting you to dinner doesn’t make your skin crawl! In fact, it sounds nice and you’re up for it. One of the biggest signs that you’re ready to start dating again is when you realize that you haven’t thought about your ex in a while.
When the breakup is fresh, this person is on your mind at all times. As time goes on you realize that they begin to take up less and less space in your thoughts. You know when you’ve let go of emotional baggage and when you’ve let go of the grip that this break up had on you. In fact, you’re starting to realize that you’d really like to curl up on the couch and snuggle with someone while watching a movie. What’s more, the person you’re envisioning is not your ex! Another indicator is when you start feeling like wearing things that you know you look good in… things that you know will get you attention from the opposite sex! So, now that you’re feeling like you’re ready to start dating again, how should you proceed?
How to date again when you’ve gotten your heartbroken
I’m going to get straight to the point here. When it comes to dating after a breakup or after serious heartbreak, there is one very important thing that has to happen before anything else. When you feel like your heart is just been thrown through a washing machine… again… you need to take the time to heal and bounce back. I know you hear this all the time, but I cannot stress the importance enough. Healing from the breakup is important for your own well-being but it’s also important for future dates and relationships. I bring this up because I see a lot of people that use dating as an emotional Band-Aid when they’ve been hurt by someone they love. Yes, I’m talking about rebound relationships. the problem with rebound relationships is that they don’t allow a person to properly digest and heal from a painful breakup. The ideal thing to do, especially when you want to know how to date again, is to dedicate some time and energy to improving your life. You want to take some time to make your life become as amazing as it can. You want to bring balance, joy and excitement into your life, and prove to yourself that you are capable of making yourself happy.
This is one of the most important elements of any healthy relationship! Improving your own life allows you to maintain balance, keep your priorities straight, define non-negotiables, and keep yourself safe from emotional dependency. Make sure that you’re filling your life up with activities and people that bring you joy. Don’t neglect your passions and your hobbies, make time for exercise and trying new things like rock climbing or yoga, and make sure that you feel confident. I hate to see people making the mistake of searching for happiness in another person. The result is that the relationship feels like it’s too much pressure and the person’s significant other pulls away. But you are taking the time to take care of yourself and feel confident about getting back out there. It’s going to be about baby steps. There is no sense in overwhelming yourself! You’ve been through a lot and it’s going to take time to heal a hundred percent. When you’re ready to do it, here’s what to do…
1. How to get back into dating: Take things step by step
When you are ready to begin dating again, set small goals for yourself. You don’t need to make things feel more daunting than they already do… I mean you’ve been dealing with grief, anger, sadness, disappointment, frustration… the list goes on and on. Everything you were building feels like it’s shattered at your feet and now you’re starting over. So start with baby steps. Begin by putting things into perspective. If it wasn’t meant to work out with your previous partner, it’s better that you found out sooner rather than later. Now you are available for the right partner and you are going to find that person. You know that your ultimate goal is to meet the person that you are going to grow old with, but I want you to just start out by going out with someone that makes you feel nice. You don’t need to be fixating on the idea of finding a soulmate right now – just except to spend time with someone who makes you smile or laugh.
Go out with somebody that makes you feel positive about going on a second date. Take things one step at a time and enjoy the present moment. Getting ahead of yourself right now might just overwhelm you. As things develop, allow yourself to start imagining all the exciting things about dating that you maybe you had forgotten about. For example, the excitement that comes along with the first kiss, the butterflies you feel for someone, that yearning to see them again and learn even more about them… There’s so much to be excited about when you begin dating again! It’s normal that you might not be feeling as positive about it after what you’ve just gone through, but try to remember all the positive elements that you may have forgotten about! Just take things slowly and enjoy the little things.
2. How to date after a breakup: Be open-minded
When you start dating again, challenge yourself to be more open-minded. Perhaps you always date the same kind of person that you meet in the same places, with the same group of people. Think about broadening your horizons, especially because you would be surprised at what kind of gems life is holding for you when you open up to them! Sure, not every single person you are going to meet will match what you’re looking for, but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the ride. It’s important to have fun and be open to new experiences that can offer you positive memories as well as important lessons. Even if you stumble across a few people that don’t inspire you, don’t give up! Not all the good ones are taken.
3. Getting back into dating: Be open to dating apps
We live in a very interesting time and we have many tools available to us that didn’t exist up until quite recently. So, in fact, we are very lucky, especially when it comes to dating! With the invention of dating apps and dating sites, you now have access to infinitely more people than you did in the past. You can even narrow down your search by defining what you are looking for! Dating apps are especially good when you feel nervous about stepping back into the dating pool. You know that the people on them are open to dating, and you can take some of the pressure off by conversing with these people at a distance at first. It can help ease you back into things, and when you’re ready you can meet up in person.
Last but not least, don’t pressure yourself
There is a chance that you’ll realize that you aren’t actually ready to begin dating again, and that’s alright. Some people need a little bit more time than others, and there’s nothing wrong with this. I spoke with someone recently who was telling me that they give themselves a timeline for bouncing back and getting back into dating. They said that they circle a date in their calendar and challenge themselves to be ready to dive back in by then.
This person explained that it really helped them to feel more in control of the situation, but you don’t have to do this (unless you want to of course!) We all need a different amount of time to digest and move on from heartbreak, so don’t be too hard on yourself if it’s taking a little while. You don’t have to panic if you realize that you dove back in a little bit too early. Just take your time, take care of yourself, allow yourself to heal, and focus on making yourself happy. If you have any questions at all, please don’t hesitate to leave them in the comments section below and it would be my pleasure to personally respond to you!
All my best,
Your coach for knowing how to date after a breakup