He ghosted me: What do I do?
I don’t think words can describe how deeply frustrating and hurtful it is to be ghosted by someone, especially when it happens to be someone that you were developing feelings for! If you’re reading this article right now, it means that it has happened to you too. You’re thinking, “He ghosted me and I’m not sure how to make him come back…” Fortunately, you have come to the right place because I am going to explain what goes on in a man’s mind when he ghosts you, and then I will give you four tips that will help you get in control of the situation.
Nobody wants to get ghosted but if you follow the tips I am about to give you, you’ll never be ghosted again! There are certain adjustments that you can make to the way that you operate that will have a powerful effect on your love life. Ghosting will become a thing of the past and this guy will realize that he’s made a huge mistake.
Without further ado, let’s jump right in, ladies!
Why did he ghost me: The main reasons
When you’re thinking, “He ghosted me,” the first question that comes to mind is “Why?” Did you do something that turned him off? Did he meet someone else? Was he planning on disappearing all along?
It’s really hard because when you are ghosted, you have no answers to your questions. You don’t know what’s going on and this is what is so frustrating. This is what makes you fixate on him and on the situation. On top of that, you end up losing your self-confidence because you begin to worry that it was something that you did or something about the way that you are. It’s a feeling that can eat away at your happiness, make you think that you are not enough, or that you need to be someone else, so we need to take a look at the solutions.
So when a man ghosts you, we need to understand why this happened. As I was saying, it’s such a common thing so I want to explain the reality of the situation. In many cases, a man does not want to hurt you and tell you that he’s not really feeling this relationship, that he’s not really in love, or attracted to you. Many men are terrible communicators (and no, this does not excuse his behavior!) Because this guy is unable to share his feelings with you, he opts to take the easy way out and you wind up realizing, “He is ghosting me.” It’s tough to read, but the hard truth is that he’s not in love with you and he’s taking you for granted.
I know that that isn’t what you want to hear but it is my job to tell you the truth and offer concrete solutions. When a man is ghosting you, it means that he has the power in the situation and you’ve been put in the position of weakness. In some cases, he doesn’t want to hurt you, and in other cases, he’s just a jerk that wanted nothing more than sex. There are also some cases in which he’s just not ready for a relationship so he bows out by ghosting you. In this case, you are not the problem, he just doesn’t want to be tied down. Unfortunately, I don’t know the guy so I can’t tell you what’s going on in his mind, but one thing is for sure. What I can tell you, however, is this: YOU are the one who should be the one in control of the situation!
He ghosted me: The importance of boundaries
If you’re thinking, “I got ghosted,” then it means that things need to change. A man should not feel like he can ghost you like this, so it’s time to set boundaries. What does this mean exactly? Should you list off everything you want from him at the very beginning of the relationship?
Well, no, don’t be too pushy… But if he’s acting strange, is ignoring you, and ghosts you, it’s time to forget about him. I have been a love and relationship coach since 2007 and have coached over 30,000 women, and there is one thing I can tell you for sure. In the majority of cases, a guy who ghosts you will come back. He’ll come back when you’re over him, when you’ve moved on, when you’re more confident, and maybe even when you’re with someone new! It’s totally unacceptable.
So now it’s up to you to set your boundaries by not reaching out to him and by using the no contact rule. If this guy took you for granted and now feels that he can just ghost you, it’s time to put distance between you. You can use the no contact rule for a couple of weeks and then make a powerful comeback. And this is where I can help!
So if you’re thinking you got ghosted, or maybe you’re wondering, “Is he ghosting me or just busy,” there is one thing I want you to keep in mind. A man that is interested will always show you. We show how we feel through actions more than through words, so if he has disappeared, it’s not looking good at the moment. Another thing to keep in mind about male psychology is that guys always want to feel like they can keep you on the side and come back to you if and when they feel like it. He likes to know that if he feels like coming back around, that you’ll be there waiting for him with open arms and ladies, we don’t want that at all.
The good news is that this guy is probably going to come back around at some point and you’ll have your revenge, but the bad news is that he is disrespecting you. So we need to switch the focus to YOU. If he comes back, the dynamic in the relationship will need to be very different and both of you will need to value YOU more. Let’s explore how to do this, shall we?
What to do after he ghosts you: 4 tips
If you genuinely feel that this guy isn’t a jerk who just used you for sex, and just got scared away because he wasn’t ready for a relationship, I have four tips that will make him gravitate back towards you sooner than you thought possible. If he’s a player who does not respect you then please, ladies, don’t waste any time on him.
So, the very first tip I have for you has to do with changing your mindset. Instead of thinking, “What can I do to make him want me again,” I want you to repeat this: “I am going to show this idiot what he lost!”
It’s extremely important because it will in essence rewire your thought process and take him off of that pedestal. Remember, you are the only person who should be on that pedestal!
Next, I want you to have a day where you pamper yourself. I like to call it a “cocooning day!” Go to the spa, the hairdresser’s, get yourself new clothes, and most importantly, book a session with a professional photographer! We want you to look and feel good, and then you can update your profile pics on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, WhatsApp… everywhere! It will just take one time for him to come and see your pictures to realize, “Oh, she’s looking so great and so happy, maybe I made a mistake…”
Next up, stop making common mistakes like texting him, calling him, asking him where he went, begging him, crying… This is not for you; you are confident and busy loving your own life right now.
Last, but most certainly not least, always make sure you are doing NEW things. This is how you can show him that your life is special and that you’d bring a lot of excitement to his. When he reaches out, this will also give you the power to show him that you’re thriving without him. So plan out the next ten weeks and challenge yourself to do one new activity every week. The more physically active you can be in these activities, the better, because it will make you physically feel good too.
We want him to see what he stands to lose.
So it’s time to focus on making your life better than ever before, surround yourself with people that make you happy, get plenty of exercise, give yourself positive affirmations every morning and every night, and remember that you can control everything that is going on inside of your mind. Positive thoughts bring positive actions, my friends.
This guy will come back and he’ll feel so foolish for letting you slip through your fingertips.
I wish you much success,
Your French relationship coach,