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He’s playing with my emotions: Help!

by | August 10th 2020 | 2 comments

One of the most frustrating things for me as a coach is seeing a man playing with a woman’s emotions. I can’t tell you how many women I work with who come to me for help saying, “I have serious feelings for him but he’s playing with my emotions and I don’t know what to do.” Though it can be very frustrating and draining to feel this way, I want to tell you that there are solutions available to you. Because this is such a common topic, I wanted to dedicate an article to why exactly guys play with your emotions and what you can do about it.

By making changes today, you can wake him up and make him see that his behavior is inappropriate, and you can set yourself up for longterm success in your love life. These are just patterns that we learn over time, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t break them. My job is to equip you with all the tools you need to start living the love life of your dreams, and make sure that no one ever plays with your heart again!

So if you’re dealing with a guy that is hot and cold with you, I want you to know that you will find solutions in this article. I have dedicated my life to coaching people in tough situations in love, so if you want to know what to do with a guy that’s playing with your emotions, you’ve come to the right place. Ladies, let’s get started.

Playing with emotions: why does this happen?

This is one of the confusing things that people have to deal with in love. Just this morning I was coaching Vanessa who was saying to me, “Alex, I don’t understand. We started dating about two months ago and he was the perfect Prince Charming. He would always call me and make me feel special, he would make plans with me, he would talk about how he feels about me, but now he’s gone totally cold. Sometimes he’s still sweet but then he goes right back to being cold. Is he playing with me? Is there anything I can do to make things go back to the way they were?”

I had to explain to Vanessa the same thing that I want to go over with you as we get started. When a man is playing with your emotions, one of the most common mistakes that I see is a person fixating on the past. They assume that because he used to be really sweet and kind, he must surely become sweet and kind again. This is where human nature comes into play. The thing we need to keep in mind about men is that they’re “hunters.” I am sure you have heard this before. Men enjoy the chase, they want you to feel like a challenge, or like a prize. So when they first meet you and they don’t have you yet, they’ll think, “Wow, she’s so amazing, I really want her… So I need to make her fall for me.” Don’t get me wrong, sometimes this is subconscious, but I am sure you’ve noticed this pattern.

Then, once your feelings for him have been established, he goes cold. He becomes distant and it feels like he doesn’t take you or this relationship seriously. It feels like he’s playing with your feelings. But we need to focus on that fact. Today, in the present moment, this man is not stepping up to the plate and this needs to change. You deserve better than this, especially if you’re someone who has a lot to give. There are a few tools that have proven to be very effective with my clients who have gotten involved with someone who is playing with feelings.

He’s playing with my emotions: The solutions

I want to teach you how to protect yourself when a man is playing with your emotions. There are so many misconceptions about love and we get so much false information from Hollywood and Disney movies. We are always being told that in order to get more love, we need to give more love. That we need to bend over backward and do whatever it takes to make the person we’re involved with know how we feel about them. Unfortunately, this isn’t really how it works and this kind of mindset leads to a lot (and I mean a LOT) of heartache. So here’s the thing. If you’re thinking, “this person is Playing with my emotions,” it means that you’ve been too nice.In other cases, and this is a less pleasant thought, it can actually be because the guy has lost a bit of interest. That said, even if you’re currently thinking, “He stopped texting me and I’m not sure what to do,” there are plenty of options. There are no magic solutions, but I have three techniques that will help you turn things around and make this guy want to spend way more time with you! What to do when someone doesn’t reply to your texts: The 3 solutions Right about now you might be wondering, “Should I call him” but we are going to need to focus on YOU and your actions. You may also be wondering if you should be playing games to get his attention but the answer is no. Games are never a good idea because they could undermine the foundation of this relationship and you can end up getting very hurt. If you play games, it becomes much easier for him to take you for granted, lose interest and not pay attention to the things that you are doing. Instead, we need to inspire him to want to get closer to you. But how? He doesn’t respond to my texts: Getting busy One of the things that I talk about the most frequently with my clients is the importance of understanding the human mind and how we operate. Remember that we, as human beings, are attracted to the things that we feel that we do not possess, and we take for granted the things that we feel we do possess. When we apply this concept to relationships, it is easy to see why it’s so important to be independent and give people space (and the opportunity to miss you)! It’s easy to get carried away when a relationship begins and dedicate all our time and energy to it. Unfortunately, this is also often when the other person starts to become more distant. They realize that you’re no longer an exciting challenge and it becomes dangerously easy for them to take you for granted. So the first solution when he doesn’t text back is to fill up your schedule and get busy. If he isn’t texting you back, it means he isn’t valuing you, so you have to show him how amazing your life is. It’s not a game, but you can show that your life is fun. If you make it seem inaccessible simply by not reaching out to him all the time, you’ll whet his appetite and grab his attention. Enjoy your time with your friends and family, focus on your passions and your hobbies, and work towards your personal and professional goals. It will be great for you if you can do this. You won’t have the time to think about why he’s not texting you, you won’t be glancing at your phone, and you’ll be changing your habits. This will set you up for longterm success in love, my friends. What to do when he doesn’t text you back: Make your life exciting Remember what I was saying about how people value what they think they don’t have? Well, a lot of the women who come to me asking about what to do when a guy doesn’t text them back aren’t showcasing how exciting their lives actually are. They place all their focus on the guy and trying to get him to talk to them, and in doing so, they wind up inadvertently making the guy feel like he’s the center of the universe. Sadly, after a while this gets boring and he can lose interest. Maybe your life isn’t as amazing and inspiring as you want it to be right now, or maybe it is and you just haven’t been making an effort to communicate that to this guy, but now is the time to make some changes. We want him to look at you and think “Wow, she’s incredible… I want to know more about her and all the interesting things she does.” A man is going to pursue a woman that he thinks he can’t have! So when you talk to this guy the next time, make sure you let him in on the fun and exciting things you’ve been doing. Pay attention to your tone of voice. Show him how happy you are in your life. Tell him that today was the most amazing day because you did something wild like skydiving for the first time. These types of emotions are great because they’re very magnetic. You can share things through pictures as well, and we need to change the communication between you. If you can send him voice notes, pictures or even talk to him on the phone, you’ll have a much easier time conveying your positive energy. I know you don't want to make the first step, but changing the way you two are communicating is a great way to get his attention. How to get a guy to text you: Focus on real life As I was saying above, some people are just terrible texters. I have some friends that are basically impossible to talk to via text but are actually quite fun when you’re with them. If your guy isn’t great at texting, I encourage you to make the moments you spend together in real life extra special. The key to making a guy want to commit to you is to make them associate you with fun, positivity and a great time. The more special the time you spend together feels, the more time he will want to spend with you. You’ll see, it’s like clockwork. Instead of focusing on talking to each other via text message and messenger, think outside of the box and figure out what new places you could check out for dates. Focus on doing things you’ve never done before, and going places you’ve never gone before. Make things feel fresh and he’ll gravitate towards you. Even if you see that he’s online and he’s not talking to you, don’t sweat it. It’s ok if he’s not messaging you constantly. It’s also OK if he takes his time before responding to you. If you feel that he’s genuinely uninterested, then I encourage you to reach out to me so that we can create a tailor-made action plan to make him crave your attention. We can create new reactions, help you to be cool and zen. That way, you can easily show this guy that you are different. To work with me, just click here! Navigating a guy’s perspective on texting I know that we men can be confusing in our actions sometimes. But that’s just it. We’re all about action. So texting isn’t always the easiest way to communicate. We want to have experiences, so I encourage you to really focus on making your life rich with exciting and attractive experiences, and I encourage you to make every moment you spend with this guy special. Take your time and don’t put too much pressure on yourself. The more confident you are in yourself, and the more fulfilled you’re feeling in your own life, the easier it will be to attract this man. Don’t let him play with your emotions or make you doubt yourself. Just work on being the best version of yourself and live the life of your dreams. This is how you’ll attract a man like a moth to a flame and make him crave your attention. Switch up the platform you use to communicate with this guy and allow your personality to shine through! Remember, we want to achieve what we are attracted to and we feel we don’t have. So think of yourself as the main prize. If you can adopt this mindset, you’ll see a huge change in the situation! As always, I am here to help you with whatever you need. Sincerely, Your coach when you want to know why he doesn’t text back

Don’t worry, though. I have four tips that I want to go over with you that will make a big difference. First, you need to understand the WHY. You’ll need to analyze the situation and figure out why you allowed this person to feel that they can treat you like this. Maybe you were too nice, maybe you didn’t know how to say no, maybe you put this man on a pedestal, maybe you are struggling with a lack of self-confidence. By understanding the Why, you will be able to protect yourself in the longterm. I will give you tips and tools, but if you don’t want this to happen again, you need to understand the root of the problem. To help you, I encourage you to download my free eBook that will go into detail about how the male mind works and what you need to do specifically to attract the perfect partner and build a meaningful relationship. To access it, just click here.

The next thing to keep in mind is that men are like children. I’ll be the first one to admit it. After all the people I have coached since 2007, I can confidently tell you that if no boundaries are set, then a man will see what he can get away with. This is how human beings work in general, but it is especially important in today’s topic. So when someone plays with your heart, the best thing you can do it ignore him. Whatever he does, don’t let him see that it has an effect on you and don’t make him think that it is only making you want him more. If you’re actively calling and messaging him when he does this, and are proving to him that you’ve got feelings for him, it’s only going to make him see that his behavior has an effect on you and that it’s putting him in the position of power. Because men value the chase, this makes it easy for him to take you for granted and lose interest. It just puts you in a position of weaker power, and we don’t want this.

So from now on, if he’s playing with your feelings, you just need to rise above and ignore him. Put space between you. Do not seek him out, don’t contact him, don’t try to get his attention. We’ve got to set boundaries by letting him know this his negative behavior is not going to get a reaction from you. When you ignore him, he will have no choice but to change his behavior.

What to do when he’s playing with feelings

When a person is playing with your emotions, it’s because they have the control. This means that it’s time to get back in control of your life! The best way to do this is to start going to the gym and getting more psychically active because this creates a shift in your frame of mind. The most you sweat, the more you release negative emotions and tensions. It will also release feel-good chemicals like endorphins and dopamine. Update your look, spend more time with your friends and family, and pay attention to what you talk about. If you’re constantly telling your friends, “This guy is playing with my emotions,” then that is what you will be fixating on and it will bring you down. But you have so much power and so much control, and if you choose to talk about topics that excite you and bring you joy with those around you, you will start to develop a more positive frame of mind.

The more positive your frame of mind, the easier it will be to get back in control of the situation. You will stop accepting this man’s negative behavior because you’ll recognize that it’s not adding happiness to your life, and your life is too valuable for that type of thing. Then it becomes naturally easy for you to put space between you and get his attention by putting yourself on the pedestal. Then you become the exciting challenge again.is he in love

Another trick I have for my clients who are struggling with this type of situation is actually an exercise you can do by yourself at home. When someone is playing with your feelings, take a pen and a piece of paper, and write down a list of every single type of action and behavior that you will not accept from a man. For example, a man raising his voice, making you feel small, making you feel stupid, ignoring you, making you feel insecure…

The next time this guy, or any guy, does anything from this list, you go into no contact. This is a tool we use for people who want to get back together with an ex, but it will be effective in your situation as well. The no contact rule consists of cutting communication with a man for a predetermined period of time, and you do not break this period of no contact for any reason. Please don’t hesitate to get in touch with me or a member of my team for one on one coaching and we can analyze your situation to determine what the right amount of time would be.

You deserve better than someone who is going to play with your emotions. I want you to be very careful with what you allow from another person because you are essentially teaching them how to teach you.

When men are playing with emotions, do this

I know how frustrating all of this can be. It’s kind of like an addiction, and you could kind of even compare it to a drug. You want your fix and when you don’t get a call, a message, and he isn’t reaching out to you, you wind up feeling sad or depressed. And then you reach out to him and make the first step. You end up chasing him, and this only pushes him further away. So we just need to work on your self-confidence. The more solid your self-confidence is, the less susceptible you will be to a guy’s actions who isn’t giving you the love that you deserve. As I said above, this will make it exponentially easier to put space between you and show him that his behavior is not acceptable.

In addition to getting physically active, do yoga and meditation. Pay attention to how you take care of yourself and how you talk to yourself because this is the key to happiness. When you are positive and are smiling, you are sending a powerful positive message to your brain. Everything starts with you, so starting now, I want you to come up with one brand new thing to do each week. It doesn’t matter what it is, it just has to be new! You can do it on your own or with your friends. For example, go to salsa dancing class, try rock climbing, go to a new spa, try a new hiking trail… We just need to reprogram your mind and your energy so that you always prioritize joy and your sense of wellbeing. When these things are intact, there won’t be room for a man that plays with your emotions.

Again, if he’s playing with you, if he’s not involved or invested in the relationship, then you need to be distant and focus on YOU! If he wants you, he has to fight for you.

I wish you the best in life and love,


Your #1 French relationship coach

Alex Cormont


  1. Avatar

    I have been with my guy for five years. He told me after 5 years while going to therapy that he needed a year to figure out what he wants. Now it is a year and I am being told the same story. He has also NEVER spent the night with me in my bed or his. Just around midnight his body language changes slightly and I can tell what time it is. This happens every time I am with him no matter where we are. He always leaves with the excuse he has to take his sleep medicine. I have finally realized that I was lowering my value by putting up with this. I had to look at myself and not him. Please Alex will you do a video on men who won’t stay the night. Thank you.

    • Alex Cormont

      Hi Karen,

      Thank you for your suggestion. I will do my best to create content on this soon!

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"What if the true definition of love was not what you thought it was?"
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