He’s playing with my emotions: Help!
One of the most frustrating things for me as a coach is seeing a man playing with a woman’s emotions. I can’t tell you how many women I work with who come to me for help saying, “I have serious feelings for him but he’s playing with my emotions and I don’t know what to do.” Though it can be very frustrating and draining to feel this way, I want to tell you that there are solutions available to you. Because this is such a common topic, I wanted to dedicate an article to why exactly guys play with your emotions and what you can do about it.
By making changes today, you can wake him up and make him see that his behavior is inappropriate, and you can set yourself up for longterm success in your love life. These are just patterns that we learn over time, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t break them. My job is to equip you with all the tools you need to start living the love life of your dreams, and make sure that no one ever plays with your heart again!
So if you’re dealing with a guy that is hot and cold with you, I want you to know that you will find solutions in this article. I have dedicated my life to coaching people in tough situations in love, so if you want to know what to do with a guy that’s playing with your emotions, you’ve come to the right place. Ladies, let’s get started.
Playing with emotions: why does this happen?
This is one of the confusing things that people have to deal with in love. Just this morning I was coaching Vanessa who was saying to me, “Alex, I don’t understand. We started dating about two months ago and he was the perfect Prince Charming. He would always call me and make me feel special, he would make plans with me, he would talk about how he feels about me, but now he’s gone totally cold. Sometimes he’s still sweet but then he goes right back to being cold. Is he playing with me? Is there anything I can do to make things go back to the way they were?”
I had to explain to Vanessa the same thing that I want to go over with you as we get started. When a man is playing with your emotions, one of the most common mistakes that I see is a person fixating on the past. They assume that because he used to be really sweet and kind, he must surely become sweet and kind again. This is where human nature comes into play. The thing we need to keep in mind about men is that they’re “hunters.” I am sure you have heard this before. Men enjoy the chase, they want you to feel like a challenge, or like a prize. So when they first meet you and they don’t have you yet, they’ll think, “Wow, she’s so amazing, I really want her… So I need to make her fall for me.” Don’t get me wrong, sometimes this is subconscious, but I am sure you’ve noticed this pattern.
Then, once your feelings for him have been established, he goes cold. He becomes distant and it feels like he doesn’t take you or this relationship seriously. It feels like he’s playing with your feelings. But we need to focus on that fact. Today, in the present moment, this man is not stepping up to the plate and this needs to change. You deserve better than this, especially if you’re someone who has a lot to give. There are a few tools that have proven to be very effective with my clients who have gotten involved with someone who is playing with feelings.
He’s playing with my emotions: The solutions
I want to teach you how to protect yourself when a man is playing with your emotions. There are so many misconceptions about love and we get so much false information from Hollywood and Disney movies. We are always being told that in order to get more love, we need to give more love. That we need to bend over backward and do whatever it takes to make the person we’re involved with know how we feel about them. Unfortunately, this isn’t really how it works and this kind of mindset leads to a lot (and I mean a LOT) of heartache. So here’s the thing. If you’re thinking, “this person is Playing with my emotions,” it means that you’ve been too nice.
Don’t worry, though. I have four tips that I want to go over with you that will make a big difference. First, you need to understand the WHY. You’ll need to analyze the situation and figure out why you allowed this person to feel that they can treat you like this. Maybe you were too nice, maybe you didn’t know how to say no, maybe you put this man on a pedestal, maybe you are struggling with a lack of self-confidence. By understanding the Why, you will be able to protect yourself in the longterm. I will give you tips and tools, but if you don’t want this to happen again, you need to understand the root of the problem. To help you, I encourage you to download my free eBook that will go into detail about how the male mind works and what you need to do specifically to attract the perfect partner and build a meaningful relationship. To access it, just click here.
The next thing to keep in mind is that men are like children. I’ll be the first one to admit it. After all the people I have coached since 2007, I can confidently tell you that if no boundaries are set, then a man will see what he can get away with. This is how human beings work in general, but it is especially important in today’s topic. So when someone plays with your heart, the best thing you can do it ignore him. Whatever he does, don’t let him see that it has an effect on you and don’t make him think that it is only making you want him more. If you’re actively calling and messaging him when he does this, and are proving to him that you’ve got feelings for him, it’s only going to make him see that his behavior has an effect on you and that it’s putting him in the position of power. Because men value the chase, this makes it easy for him to take you for granted and lose interest. It just puts you in a position of weaker power, and we don’t want this.
So from now on, if he’s playing with your feelings, you just need to rise above and ignore him. Put space between you. Do not seek him out, don’t contact him, don’t try to get his attention. We’ve got to set boundaries by letting him know this his negative behavior is not going to get a reaction from you. When you ignore him, he will have no choice but to change his behavior.
What to do when he’s playing with feelings
When a person is playing with your emotions, it’s because they have the control. This means that it’s time to get back in control of your life! The best way to do this is to start going to the gym and getting more psychically active because this creates a shift in your frame of mind. The most you sweat, the more you release negative emotions and tensions. It will also release feel-good chemicals like endorphins and dopamine. Update your look, spend more time with your friends and family, and pay attention to what you talk about. If you’re constantly telling your friends, “This guy is playing with my emotions,” then that is what you will be fixating on and it will bring you down. But you have so much power and so much control, and if you choose to talk about topics that excite you and bring you joy with those around you, you will start to develop a more positive frame of mind.
The more positive your frame of mind, the easier it will be to get back in control of the situation. You will stop accepting this man’s negative behavior because you’ll recognize that it’s not adding happiness to your life, and your life is too valuable for that type of thing. Then it becomes naturally easy for you to put space between you and get his attention by putting yourself on the pedestal. Then you become the exciting challenge again.
Another trick I have for my clients who are struggling with this type of situation is actually an exercise you can do by yourself at home. When someone is playing with your feelings, take a pen and a piece of paper, and write down a list of every single type of action and behavior that you will not accept from a man. For example, a man raising his voice, making you feel small, making you feel stupid, ignoring you, making you feel insecure…
The next time this guy, or any guy, does anything from this list, you go into no contact. This is a tool we use for people who want to get back together with an ex, but it will be effective in your situation as well. The no contact rule consists of cutting communication with a man for a predetermined period of time, and you do not break this period of no contact for any reason. Please don’t hesitate to get in touch with me or a member of my team for one on one coaching and we can analyze your situation to determine what the right amount of time would be.
You deserve better than someone who is going to play with your emotions. I want you to be very careful with what you allow from another person because you are essentially teaching them how to teach you.
When men are playing with emotions, do this
I know how frustrating all of this can be. It’s kind of like an addiction, and you could kind of even compare it to a drug. You want your fix and when you don’t get a call, a message, and he isn’t reaching out to you, you wind up feeling sad or depressed. And then you reach out to him and make the first step. You end up chasing him, and this only pushes him further away. So we just need to work on your self-confidence. The more solid your self-confidence is, the less susceptible you will be to a guy’s actions who isn’t giving you the love that you deserve. As I said above, this will make it exponentially easier to put space between you and show him that his behavior is not acceptable.
In addition to getting physically active, do yoga and meditation. Pay attention to how you take care of yourself and how you talk to yourself because this is the key to happiness. When you are positive and are smiling, you are sending a powerful positive message to your brain. Everything starts with you, so starting now, I want you to come up with one brand new thing to do each week. It doesn’t matter what it is, it just has to be new! You can do it on your own or with your friends. For example, go to salsa dancing class, try rock climbing, go to a new spa, try a new hiking trail… We just need to reprogram your mind and your energy so that you always prioritize joy and your sense of wellbeing. When these things are intact, there won’t be room for a man that plays with your emotions.
Again, if he’s playing with you, if he’s not involved or invested in the relationship, then you need to be distant and focus on YOU! If he wants you, he has to fight for you.
I wish you the best in life and love,
Your #1 French relationship coach