He ghosted me: Why & what to do NOW!

If you’re reading this article right now, it means that the guy you’ve been seeing seems to have dropped off the face of the earth. Few feelings are more frustrating than this, but I am here to tell you that there are solutions to this problem. I know how discouraging it can feel, especially because this is a common problem.

In my experience as a coach on the field, there are a couple of recurring themes in terms of why a guy must ghost a girl, so I’ll be going over that with you. In addition to that, I want to offer you concrete solutions so that you can get out of this frustrating situation once and for all!

I know that you really like this guy and you want to turn the situation around, so you’re in the right place! Together we will change the dynamic between you and this man, so let’s get started now!

He ghosted me: Why?

So this guy has disappeared. Maybe you were dating for a few weeks, maybe you were dating for a few months, and now it seems like he’s gone M.I.A. It’s especially hard to be ghosted because it means that you don’t have answers to your questions and studies have shown that the human being will fixate on a problem if they don’t have a concrete answer. What’s more, studies have also shown that one of the worst things you can do to a human being is to ignore them. The mind and body react much more negatively to being ignored and neglected to being yelled at for example.

I know this makes sense to you because you’re in this situation right now and it feels pretty miserable. You’re thinking that maybe you weren’t enough for this guy so your self confidence takes a hit, and you might even be thinking that you need to change who you are.

But listen to this. I would say that in more than half of the cases I work on, it’s not necessarily YOUR fault. In other words, a guy will ghost you simply because of the overall situation, but now is the time to understand that you can react to this situation and make changes.

Since 2007 I have worked with thousands (yes, thousands) of women who have come to me saying, “He ghosted me.” It’s crazy but I’ve noticed that a lot of men are always looking to make sure that you still love them, that they can keep you on hold and that when they want you, you’ll be there. So it becomes a push and pull situation that becomes problematic because he’s not respecting you.

The good news, however, is that even if you’re thinking, “He is ghosting me,” you can make this guy come back. The even better news is that you can have your revenge! We aren’t going to be playing games with this guy; we are going to get YOU back in control of the situation. We’re going to work on making him see you in a new light and understand that you’re the new and improved version of the woman he fell for in the first place. He’ll see that you’ve changed, that your life is better now, and that he’s the one that’s in the losing position.

So let’s go over the solutions!

He is ghosting me: 4 solutions!

Get ready to feel that sweet sense of satisfaction when the lightbulb goes off in this guy’s head and he realizes that he’s making a big mistake in letting you go.

The first solution is all about mindset. This guy should not be on a pedestal in your mind in any way. There is room for only one person on that pedestal and it is you! So, when a client comes to me saying “the guy ghosted me but I want him back,” the first thing I talk about is the importance of changing your mindset. From now on, I want you to tell yourself, “I will show this stupid man what he has lost!” Repeat this to yourself every day. It’s so important because it will reprogram your mind to see him in a different light and to put yourself on that pedestal. Don’t underestimate the power of positive affirmations.

The next thing to do when you feel that you’ve been ghosted by a guy is to do what I like to call a “cocooning day.” What is a cocooning day, you might ask?

It’s basically a day that you take to pamper yourself! It could be going to a spa, getting your hair done, going shopping, and my personal favorite, getting professional headshots taken. Yes, professional headshots! Not just selfies in your apartment. These are pictures that you can use to update all of your social media profiles like Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn… It only takes one time for this guy to take a look at your pictures because then he’ll see right away that you’ve changed. He’ll see that you’re looking amazing and you’ve got interesting things going on and voilà, the seed of doubt will be planted.

Make sure that you’re using social media to your advantage! It’s the perfect platform to use to showcase the changes you’ve been making to your life and how happy you are!

Next up, stop making the most common mistakes that I see! I’m talking about texting him, calling him, begging, crying, asking him questions… I got a message recently from someone saying “I keep asking him ‘Why is he ghosting me’ and he doesn’t reply!” I can’t stress the importance of this enough. Do NOT do this, ladies! It only makes you look clingy and desperate, which you are not!

You don’t have time for these mistakes anymore. You’re a busy woman with plenty of interesting things going on. Keep in mind that it will take around 4 to 6 weeks for him to start making his way back to you, but if you put in the effort you will see results. So every time you want to reach out to him, challenge yourself to do something productive and/or enjoyable instead!

Last but most certainly not least is one of the most powerful things you can do: Getting busy with new activities! Not only can you show him that your life is wonderful (again, use social media!), but you will be benefitting from it as well. What’s more, he’ll see that you don’t need him in order to be happy, that your life has actually become better without him, and that he was a fool to not want to be a part of such an interesting and fulfilling life.

So grab a calendar and plan out the next ten weeks. Plan a new activity for every single week. Go get a massage, go on a hike, take a class! Do lots of physical activity because it will help you to release negative feelings and put you back in control of your emotions. When you sweat and push yourself, you’re releasing tension and frustration, which is good for us! To push yourself even further, use the situation as fuel. I know you’re frustrated about being ghosted by a guy, so use that anger as energy in the gym! A client of mine was in this situation recently so I suggested that she take a boxing class. Later on, she ended up telling me that not only was it one of the most fun forms of exercise that she has tried, but it also left her feeling ten times better.

Being ghosted by a man or ignored by a man?

I sincerely wish you the best,

Your coach

Alex Cormont