He ghosted me: Why & what to do NOW!
If you’re reading this article right now, it means that the guy you’ve been seeing seems to have dropped off the face of the earth. Few feelings are more frustrating than this, but I am here to tell you that there are solutions to this problem. I know how discouraging it can feel, especially because this is a common problem.
In my experience as a coach on the field, there are a couple of recurring themes in terms of why a guy must ghost a girl, so I’ll be going over that with you. In addition to that, I want to offer you concrete solutions so that you can get out of this frustrating situation once and for all!
I know that you really like this guy and you want to turn the situation around, so you’re in the right place! Together we will change the dynamic between you and this man, so let’s get started now!
He ghosted me: Why?
So this guy has disappeared. Maybe you were dating for a few weeks, maybe you were dating for a few months, and now it seems like he’s gone M.I.A. It’s especially hard to be ghosted because it means that you don’t have answers to your questions and studies have shown that the human being will fixate on a problem if they don’t have a concrete answer. What’s more, studies have also shown that one of the worst things you can do to a human being is to ignore them. The mind and body react much more negatively to being ignored and neglected to being yelled at for example.
I know this makes sense to you because you’re in this situation right now and it feels pretty miserable. You’re thinking that maybe you weren’t enough for this guy so your self confidence takes a hit, and you might even be thinking that you need to change who you are.
But listen to this. I would say that in more than half of the cases I work on, it’s not necessarily YOUR fault. In other words, a guy will ghost you simply because of the overall situation, but now is the time to understand that you can react to this situation and make changes.
Since 2007 I have worked with thousands (yes, thousands) of women who have come to me saying, “He ghosted me.” It’s crazy but I’ve noticed that a lot of men are always looking to make sure that you still love them, that they can keep you on hold and that when they want you, you’ll be there. So it becomes a push and pull situation that becomes problematic because he’s not respecting you.
The good news, however, is that even if you’re thinking, “He is ghosting me,” you can make this guy come back. The even better news is that you can have your revenge! We aren’t going to be playing games with this guy; we are going to get YOU back in control of the situation. We’re going to work on making him see you in a new light and understand that you’re the new and improved version of the woman he fell for in the first place. He’ll see that you’ve changed, that your life is better now, and that he’s the one that’s in the losing position.
So let’s go over the solutions!
He is ghosting me: 4 solutions!
Get ready to feel that sweet sense of satisfaction when the lightbulb goes off in this guy’s head and he realizes that he’s making a big mistake in letting you go.
The first solution is all about mindset. This guy should not be on a pedestal in your mind in any way. There is room for only one person on that pedestal and it is you! So, when a client comes to me saying “the guy ghosted me but I want him back,” the first thing I talk about is the importance of changing your mindset. From now on, I want you to tell yourself, “I will show this stupid man what he has lost!” Repeat this to yourself every day. It’s so important because it will reprogram your mind to see him in a different light and to put yourself on that pedestal. Don’t underestimate the power of positive affirmations.
The next thing to do when you feel that you’ve been ghosted by a guy is to do what I like to call a “cocooning day.” What is a cocooning day, you might ask?
It’s basically a day that you take to pamper yourself! It could be going to a spa, getting your hair done, going shopping, and my personal favorite, getting professional headshots taken. Yes, professional headshots! Not just selfies in your apartment. These are pictures that you can use to update all of your social media profiles like Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn… It only takes one time for this guy to take a look at your pictures because then he’ll see right away that you’ve changed. He’ll see that you’re looking amazing and you’ve got interesting things going on and voilà, the seed of doubt will be planted.
Make sure that you’re using social media to your advantage! It’s the perfect platform to use to showcase the changes you’ve been making to your life and how happy you are!
Next up, stop making the most common mistakes that I see! I’m talking about texting him, calling him, begging, crying, asking him questions… I got a message recently from someone saying “I keep asking him ‘Why is he ghosting me’ and he doesn’t reply!” I can’t stress the importance of this enough. Do NOT do this, ladies! It only makes you look clingy and desperate, which you are not!
You don’t have time for these mistakes anymore. You’re a busy woman with plenty of interesting things going on. Keep in mind that it will take around 4 to 6 weeks for him to start making his way back to you, but if you put in the effort you will see results. So every time you want to reach out to him, challenge yourself to do something productive and/or enjoyable instead!
Last but most certainly not least is one of the most powerful things you can do: Getting busy with new activities! Not only can you show him that your life is wonderful (again, use social media!), but you will be benefitting from it as well. What’s more, he’ll see that you don’t need him in order to be happy, that your life has actually become better without him, and that he was a fool to not want to be a part of such an interesting and fulfilling life.
So grab a calendar and plan out the next ten weeks. Plan a new activity for every single week. Go get a massage, go on a hike, take a class! Do lots of physical activity because it will help you to release negative feelings and put you back in control of your emotions. When you sweat and push yourself, you’re releasing tension and frustration, which is good for us! To push yourself even further, use the situation as fuel. I know you’re frustrated about being ghosted by a guy, so use that anger as energy in the gym! A client of mine was in this situation recently so I suggested that she take a boxing class. Later on, she ended up telling me that not only was it one of the most fun forms of exercise that she has tried, but it also left her feeling ten times better.
Being ghosted by a man or ignored by a man?
In some cases, a person will be unsure of whether they are being ghosted or ignored by a man. Ghosting is usually the case when he has not replied to you in a long time and it doesn’t seem like you’re going to get a response any time soon. A man who is ignoring you will do it when something specific happened that he didn’t like. So if you’ve made a mistake and now he’s ignoring you, I want to offer you a few more tips that can help you reverse the situation and bring him back.
First, and this is only for those of who you have made a big mistake, there is the handwritten letter. Please make sure that you’re only using this technique if you big something wrong that was a very big deal. The approach you take to the situation is very important. If you are unsure, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me for one on one coaching or leave your question in the comments section below!
Now, the handwritten letter is a wonderful way to present a sincere apology, and also the solutions you’ve come up with for the problem at hand. A text or a phone call is easy to forget about, but a letter is more powerful. We aren’t in the habit of writing or receiving letters anymore so when we do, they leave more of an impression. It’s a profound way of communicating and what’s more, it proves that you’re making an effort and that you have changed. To read more about the letter technique, check out this article!
The next thing I want to mention is the importance of stopping the questions! You’re not going to get answers and if you stop asking questions, then you can put some distance between you that will help you recalibrate. Most of the time it’s all about emotions. If a guy is ignoring you, it means that something bothered him. Maybe you were messaging him too much and he started to feel suffocated, so now he wants more freedom. By taking some distance, you can let him feel less suffocated and when he comes back to you, you can rebuild communication and rebuild the relationship.
It’s also important to remember that there is a balance of power and if this guy is M.I.A right now, it means that he’s put you in the weaker position. In half of the cases I work on, the guy is taking you for granted and he thinks he can do whatever he wants. So what’s the solution?
You need to make a comeback as The Challenge. You’ve got to tell yourself that you’ll never allow a man to treat you like this. It’s going to depend on your situation of course, so please don’t hesitate to book a private coaching session.
In any case, you have to tell yourself that you’re going to remind this guy of what he lost. Like I said above, if you’ve been ghosted by a guy, update your pictures on social media, start living a life that you’re more proud of than ever before, take care of yourself, go out with your friends, try new things, and make it clear that you’re very happy in your life.
At this moment you can really make him realize that you are not chasing him, you are not needy, and you have been able to change the overall situation.
Before I go there is one last, very important, point I want to go over with you. Sometimes, when a guy is ignoring you or is ghosting you, it means that he’s not into this relationship. I know how hard that is to hear (well, read), but if he’s not into you or if he’s started dating someone else, it means you’ve got to move on. There is no other solution if you’ve been doing your best and giving him your all, and he’s not willing to reciprocate.
So, to summarize, if you’ve realized “He ghosted me” or “He’s ignoring me right now,” you can turn the situation around if this guy has good intentions. Otherwise, it’s time to let go and move on to something better for you.
I want your love life to be filled with happiness, and I want to give you all the tools to help you achieve this. You can also check out the hundreds of videos I’ve posted on these topics on my YouTube Channel.
I sincerely wish you the best,