Why do men leave and come back? The real reasons!

by | October 3rd 2018 | 29 comments

You’ve probably heard the saying, “They always come back,” but why do men leave and come back and how to keep him forever? Is it important to understand what goes on in someone’s head when they decide to end a relationship. So I wanted to write this article to help clarify the situation a bit. When you have a better understanding of what happened, you’ll have a much easier time designing a plan of action to get him back.

Here, not only will you learn about why men leave and come back, you’ll also get some helpful hints on how to really attract him back!

Whether or not your man has already come back, you’re about to learn how to make your relationship stronger than ever before. It will require patience as well as determination and if you’re willing to take matters into your own hands, you’ll see results sooner than you expected!

What happen in their head and why do men leave and come back?

Breakups don’t only happen in couples that are constantly screaming at each other and never able to enjoy each other’s company. Sometimes it happenswill he come back out of the blue and the person who got broken up with is left dumbfounded. There are so many reasons why a man could choose to break up with someone he’s actually very much in love with. Sometimes it has to do with age, and sometimes it doesn’t.

Sometimes you break up over and over again and you’re left thinking he keeps coming back but you’re not entirely sure of what’s going on.

Understanding what’s going on in his head will allow you to figure out a solution. If you’re left in the dark or if you let all your energy be drained by the sadness you’re feeling, you will have a much harder time moving forward.

Why did he leave me: The first reason is Panic!

One of the most prevalent reasonswhy do mean leave and come back is when he suddenly realized how serious the relationship actually is, and panicked about losing his independence. It’s an interesting thing because on one hand he realizes how deeply he loves his partner, and on the other hand he’s afraid of losing his freedom. It doesn’t necessarily mean that he just wants to be free to sleep around… It is often simply that he just wants to have the freedom to just think about himself – being with his friends whenever he wants and as late as he wants, traveling alone…etc.

It’s highly likely in this situation that if he loves you he will come back, but it’s always better to take the necessary steps to make him come back. Don’t ever hesitate to get in touch with us directly here and we’d be more than happy to guide you from start to finish!

If he’s not sure of his feelings he will leave

Other times it’s more directly related to his girlfriend. Sometimes guys aren’t quite sure of what they feel for their girl and decide that they need some time and distance to really figure it out. In this situation ex boyfriends come back usually when they’ve had the time to gain some perspective. When people get too stressed out with work or various other aspects of life, they can have a harder time seeing things clearly.

When this happens and they have the chance to really understand how much they care for her, when they come back, the relationship can be even stronger than before.
I do have to say however that each person is unique, and so is each relationship. The point of him leaving is to give himself the opportunity to figure out what he’s feeling, so of course there’s a chance that he might not want to return… yet! But don’t worry, there are many things that you can do to increase the odds of him returning and I will share those with you in a moment.

He leave me because of external factors

Exes who come back could have left because of reasons that have nothing to do with the relationship. Sometimes, depression can lead a person to feel that they need to be completely alone in order to overcome it. When someone is not feeling well, they might really want to be alone. It’s important for a person to be able to figure out what’s going on and what they can do to feel better.

Other times, a person separates from the person they love because of external factors. For example, perhaps there was an issue with a family member not accepting the relationship, or perhaps work or religion played a role in his decision. It’s hard to know is he coming back, but everything is possible so it’s up to you to make sure you have no regrets!

How to make him come back in 3 simple steps

So even though each relationship and each person are different, there are many things that you can do to get you closer to having one of the exes who come back. Without further ado, let’s look at how to make him come back.

Make your boyfriend come back with the no contact rule

If you’re familiar with my philosophy, you’ve undoubtedly heard of the No Contact Rule. If you aren’t, or if you’d like to gain some handy knowledge, make sure you read this right away abour the NCR.

To summarize, the no contact rule consists of you cutting communication with your ex for a period of 1 to 3 months. It’s the perfect tool to use if you’re wondering ”If I give him space will he come back. Don’t go on his Facebook or Instagram and definitely don’t “like” what they post, you don’t call, email,Why do men leave and come back text… nothing! It’s up to you whether or not you want to delete him off social media. If you delete him he’ll notice and react, and if you don’t, he still has access to what you’re going to be posting.

During this time, you focus solely on yourself and make your ex really begin to feel your absence. When they reach out to you, you do not respond.

Make him feel your absence and plant a seed of doubt in his mind in terms of his decision to leave.

He will come back if I let him go

Preferably while you’re still in the no contact phase (or pretty much as soon as possible,) you start working on making sure you accept and understand the breakup. It’s really important to not ignore the fact that this happened and live in denial. You’d be surprised at how often I see this…

Understanding the breakup serves a very important purpose, as it helps you to pinpoint what exactly went wrong. It’s a key player in why do men leave and come back. In doing so, you are able to come up with solutions for the future. It’s important to be able to look at oneself and recognize if your behavior had something to do with the breakup or not.

If you do this, your next relationship, whether it’s with your ex or not, will be greatly improved! Making him realize what it’s like to not have you around is one of the best tools for how to get a man to come back to you.

Men coming back when you focus on self-improvement

After you separate from your ex, it’s imperative that you take some time to understand what aspects of your life could be improved. Once you pinpoint what exactly needed improvement, you can start working on making sure that things will be better in the future. Like I said, becoming a better version of yourself is an excellent way to get him to come back!

Now is also the time, and this is super important regardless of whether or not you want your ex back, is to work on making your life better! If you’ve stopped going to the gym, or if you’ve lost sight of your hobbies and projects, get back on it! This is the most surefire way to boost your confidence

Confident, happy, and satisfied people are like magnets. Don’t let depression get the best of you in this trying period. Use all of this as fuel for your self-improvement and happiness!

My man wants me back after he dumped me! What to do?

The ugly truth is that the easiest part is actually getting your ex back, and the hard part is actually keeping them. So many people do not tackle the issues their relationship was having and history ends up repeating itself.

So on top of pinpointing what needs to be fixed and making an effort to do so, you can use some of the following tips about what to do when your man comes back to ensure that you relationship ends up being stronger than it ever was before!

1/ He came back to me but I’m continuing to be independent

Ensure that you have your own life that keeps you satisfied. A certain amount of independence is very important in a relationship, especially after an ex boyfriend came back. It allows both of you to breathe, and to focus on personal growth. When you make sure that you’re making yourself happy, you avoid subconsciously pressuring your partner to do it for you.

2/ How to keep a man coming back for more

Men generally need more space than women. Of course there are exceptions, but if you accept early on that sometimes your guy is going to want to havewhy do a man leave and come back some time to himself and that it’s nothing personal, things will be easier for both of you!

When your ex come back, you should ensure he feels like he can have some “me time” without having to go to extreme measures again.

3/ My boyfriend came back to me: practice communication

When an ex boyfriend comes back, help him feel comfortable with telling you what’s wrong. A lot of times people don’t realize that they don’t make their partner feel comfortable sharing what’s on their mind. Being overly aggressive or impatient can make your partner not even want to try to talk about an issue, and in turn, things get worse. So practice active listening and avoid unnecessary blaming.

4/ Did your man come back? Make sure he sees you’ve got your own life

Be independent and avoid neediness. Being clingy is not flattering on anyone, so show you’re partner you’re comfortable with him doing his own thing sometimes, because you’ve got your own thing going on as well. Two partners should stand side by side; not on each other’s shoulders.

5/ Come back into my life and stay

Do your best to fight off The Routine. The honeymoon stage will inevitably pass, but it’s up to you to continue being innovative. Come up with new things to do and new places to go. Make sure things stay exciting. Hop over here if you want to learn about romantic things to do with your partner!

YES, they always come back! But act approprietely…

How often have you heard this saying? I’m here to tell you that yes, it’s generally true, but it’s going to require a certain amount of effort from you. Remember: in love, anything is possible.

For example, if you and your boyfriend break up, and you lay around heartbroken wondering if he’s going to come back, chances are he won’t. Why? Simply because if you’re not doing anything to remind him of how amazing you are or of what you could have together, it’s easier for him to move on. Why would exes come back if all they see is their ex partner feeling sorry for themselves? Of course you have every right to be upset; you’re heartbroken! But letting it control your life is not going to get you closer to your goal.

On the other hand, if you become proactive and start making him realize that he’s missing out on something very fulfilling, chances are you’ll start realizing, “He wants me back.”

Reminding your ex of the person they fell in love with and becoming a better version of her is the key to getting him back, I’ll expand on that in a moment.

So if you’re wondering will he come back after break up, just know that if you’re active, the chances of it happening will be increased tenfold. Now is exactly the time to grab life by the horns and make things happen!

A man will come back when he realizes that he’s made a mistake in leaving you, and this happens when he sees how amazing you are. So don’t let yourself succumb to depression. If you’ve just broken up, use it as motivation to become a better version of yourself and to grow from it. Regardless of whether or not you get back together, break ups lead to incredible growth, as long as you’re proactive!

Sincerely,

Your relationship expert for knowing why do men leave and come back,

Alex Cormont

29 Comments

  1. Samantha

    Hi Alex,
    My boyfriend left me and I enjoyed reading your article about why do men leave and come back. My situation was really about my boyfriend not being a man yet. He had to figure things out on his own and I need to move forward and not depend on him. I guess we can call it faith. Let’s see what happens. Thank you!

    Reply
    • Alex Cormont

      Samantha, I know it’s not easy because he has to change too. Take your time and apply my tips to make sur he will come back!

    • Erica

      Hey Samantha!
      I’m in the same boat with my ex he broke up with me about a month ago and everything you wrote is the same for us two! Did you and your ex end up getting back together and if you did how long did it take for him to reach out?

    • Mireya

      Hi Alex, I was wondering, my ex left me 2 years ago, and he got a new girlfriend like a month ago. I don’t care much about It but I’m curious does this apply on circumstances like that one too? Thank you

    • Amanda

      Bonjour, mon copain m a quitté après 2,5 mois de relation(assez court donc) on rigolait beaucoup et on s appréciait beaucoup. J ai toujours gardé mes distances pour ne pas aller trop vite et il m a dit que a joué sur sa décision. Le jour après qu il m ait quitté, je lui ai envoyé un message ou J explique pourquoi je paraissais distante, que la relation était pas encore assez sérieuse etc (je dois avouer j ai mis des trucs un peu bizarres j espère qu il ne m’a pas pris pour une désespérée) il m a répondu le même jour en récapitulant que il ne le sentait pas etc.
      Son comportement avait changé depuis qu on a couché ensemble car honnêtement je pense que je n était pas prête et on s est tous les 2 renfermé après alors que c était une très bonne expérience. Bref. Je me suis attachée à ce garçon et je trouvais qu il y avait beaucoup de potentiel pour cette nouvelles relations. Le plus gros problèmes devait être la communication,étant tous 2 timides. Je ne sais pas si j ai bien fait de lui envoyé le message après mais là je n envoye plus rien car j ai envie qu il réfléchisse seul, et pourquoi pas retenter si il est partant. Est ce que mon message à tout gâché ou pas ? Merci

  2. Emily

    Hi Alex,

    Do you have any reasoning behind the ‘abandoning ship’ methodology that my in/out boyfriend seems to be making a habit out of? Nearly every time we have an argument, misunderstanding and/or miscommunication, he packs up and evacuates the situation…
    He says it’s because he has anger issues and is not in the right frame of mind to hang around.
    I understand everyone (including myself) needs time out and am more than happy for him to do this, I have stated this many times. I am just getting a little over the abandonment which he knows I had to deal with while growing up.
    I guess I don’t feel it is a mature way to deal with things and it is happening more and more often. We have only been seeing each other for 4-5 months.
    Appreciate any insight you may have to provide.

    Thanking you 🙂

    Reply
    • Alex Cormont

      Bonjour Emily,

      I think you boyfriend doesn’t know how to communicate. He needs to train himself about expressing his feelings and wishes in your relationship.
      How old is he? It’s difficult to manage your situation by a comment but I guess you have to accept his behavior and give him some books to read about communication and how to control his emotions. Best. Alex

      Alex

    • queen

      My man were okay the past few months but suddenly we talked about serious stuffs and he thinks that I’m always helping him, and he cannot do things with his own. It’s like He always got my back then he asked for space to rediscover himself and to fix himself also but I didn’t agree with that idea because Im his gf and we need to fix this and im going to help him but he really insists on having a space for him to think. He has a lot going through his mind he suddenly don’t want to commit then he suddenly need to fix himself, he became cold to me. Then the next night he called me and asked if we really should end our relationship then I didn’t respond I just said that I will think about him. But the next day when I woke up he deleted his instagram then he changed his password then that’s it I don’t know what to do I just accepted his request for us to break up then now he blocked me on facebook.

    • Zainqa

      Hi alex,
      My man is disappear
      He say I’m not in the mood for everything even you or my family or everything
      We argue alot
      And he talk to my sis and tell her that our relationship is a mess we Argue all the time
      And he don’t want to talk to me he want peace
      And i don’t know what to do i want to i want to fix everything 🙁 .

  3. Jane

    My partner has left me three times to go back to his original partner but now he wants to come back to me again, as he realised it was his guilty conscience got the better of him. I’m worried it will happen again. But I am in love with him.

    Reply
  4. Jane

    He also said because I’m charismatic he’s afraid he’s in love with me for that!

    I am very proactive. I have a busy life, I love running, going to the gym and I run a charity for ex military to learn to play golf.

    We do have lots of things in common. But I don’t know how to get him over his guilty conscience.

    Reply
  5. alexe

    Hi Alex,

    My relationship with my boyfriend was going great but on Saturday and Sunday I felt him a little bit distant but nothing to worry about and on Monday he broke up with me saying he wasn’t good with himself and needed time alone.e He said he love me and was good with me but not with himself. He kept repeating he hope he wasn’t making a mistake and would call me if he changed his mind. He hasn’t ask for his house key back and it’s been almost a month (I’m doing the no contact rule). He’s a great guy that always treated me right, I don’t wanna lose him because he need time.

    Alexe

    Reply
    • Alex Cormont

      Hi Alexe,
      Thank you for reading my blog, Why men leave and come back. I know it’s difficult to wait on someone you love to make some decisions in their life, but it’s where he is now. Take this time to work on yourself, because if he is meant to be, he will come back to you. Be patient and don’t push him into making a decision he is not ready for.
      Best,
      Alex

  6. Selina

    Hi Alex,
    so my ex left me about 8 months ago, because we somehow just couldn‘t manage to make it work. External Factory played a big role. He wanted to keep in touch („i wanna know how u are and what u’re up to blabla) but i decided it would probably be best if we didn‘t. I haven‘t heard from him since but he‘s pretty regularly checking up on me on instagram. It may sound dumb but that constant reminder really stopped me from improving in my healing process which is why i deleted him. The question is now: how can I make him see „my amazing new self“ if there is literally no way of running into him (different cities)

    Thank you so much,

    Lina

    Reply
  7. Lia

    We decided to part ways a week ago but still remained in contact for the following week until Friday. We talked on the phone at night like we normally do and he said to text him tomorrow. When I texted him, he didn’t respond and up until Tuesday I haven’t heard from him. He just stopped answering my calls and texts but watch my social media. He never said anything just complete silence. He watched my social media but then decided to delete him. Its been 4 days and we haven’t talked since then. I love him but I sent him a message saying to delete my number and he’s disrespectful. I’m not sure what’s going to happen next.

    Reply
  8. Sheila

    Hi Alex
    Firstly thanks a lot for the wonderful article. It helps gain insight tremendously.
    Now here is my situation. I was in a 11 months relationship and things were great in the beginning with my boyfriend running behind me a lot. Then eventually we got together and things kept moving at a slow pace. He introduced me to family and friends over a period of time. Even jokingly proposed marriage in front of his friends. We do not live very close to each other and I was trying to find a job to move closer to him. He was very encouraging of it. Then recently I met him to surprise him few days before his birthday. He looked surprised and happy and also a bit nervous. However things followed their usual flow. I stayed over with him and next morning we got up together like a normal couple, made breakfast etc and were having a good time when suddenly I put forth the relationship next level question. That’s where trouble began. First he said he’s not very emotional. Second, his relationships don’t last long enough as he feels caged and runs away from them. Hearing all of that I was angry and decided to walk away. I did and he followed me and tried to stop me. I didn’t and once I reached a certain place I realised that I had left an expensive watch at his place. I called and we decided to meet at a cafeteria close to his office. He had brought my few other belongings that I had left too with him. In that meeting I kept asking him to leave and he wouldn’t. Anyways eventually I left and he called to say that I had left the packet of clothes at the cafe. I told him to not bother about it and cut the call. In the evening however I went to the cafeteria to pick things up and when I turned to go he was standing right there. He had seen me enter the office complex and had followed. I anyways proceeded to leave and that’s when he pulled me towards him and hugged and said- this is not the last time. I pulled myself out and ran away. Next day I messaged him however as to why he didn’t say anything and that’s when he said all of this-
    “You are the only person in my life who understood me. You know my unspoken words. You hear me before o say and anything and I haven’t been able to share my life more than you with anyone. But I can’t give you what you want. I like you and love you but not the way you love me. I can’t love anyone limitlessly. Our emotions are poles apart in this. But I don’t want to lose you either. I know it’s selfish but I cannot.”
    I was angry and after saying stuff stopped talking to him, unfriended and unfollowed him on social media. Two days later was actually his birthday. I got to know from others that he had asked others to put pics with him wishing him happy birthday on their insta stories and then copy pasted the pics for his stories. I didn’t check them however and let it be. Then I saw whichever common friends pics I was liking that day he too was. At night I received a message from him- “Sheila…. thankyou for all the wonderful birthday gifts you gave me.”
    I didn’t say anything. It’s been 2 more days since his birthday and I have not said a word to him and kept to myself. However I do want him to realise and come back. Please tell me what do you understand of this Alex. Your guidance would really really help me. Ofcourse I am unhappy and sad as i still love him a lot.

    Reply
    • Kim

      Hello Alex,

      My ex-boyfriend left me 2weeks ago. On new year night, he suddenly become so weird. He don’t reply my text. But, when i asked something wrong, he said “nothing wrong”..

      For a few months before i noticed a lot of sign that he is changing. We are actually Long distance relationship.

      I noticed that pass few months before on new year, night..
      he rarely video call, ask my pictures, saying “i love u”, send good night gif, story me about his work, telling me where is he going, etc…he didnt do the things usually he always telling me what is he doing everyday
      ..like stop telling me his routines.

      Then, on the new year
      he said “he is not ready for this relationship”..
      He said “i dont think we are compatible”.

      He said he love me, but do not know how much he loves me as much as I do.
      We are doing good this past 1 year..
      I am the one who tell him, I like him..
      Actually, i think he has a depression and trauma.
      He actually was dumped by his ex-fiance .

      Mybe i think he is not ready.
      Or maybe because he is cant move on
      Or maybe because we are LDR?

      Other problem is, we are actually a family matchmaker..
      We met because of his father is my father’s bestfriend.
      So my parents know about he left me.
      And his parent know that what he did to me.

      I am confuse.
      He always watch my instagram story and whatsap story..
      I posted about my sadness..he saw it but never respond..

      Alex is he lost interest with me?
      Is he a complicated person?
      Is he depress?
      What should i do?

    • Alex Cormont

      Hi Kim,
      I know this is a difficult time and it seems as though you both have codependency for eachother. What I would suggest is to take your time and really figure out who you are without him. As scary as that can be you have to be the best woman possible for your life. I would also encourage a coaching session if you need further help.
      Best,
      Alex

  9. Pam

    Hi, I was in a LDR and everything seemed so nice, but as it turned out, I was very much used, I last heard from him in June, he seems to ignore me now, I’ve sent a mail explaining that if he needs time, but all I would like is the contact from him just to tell me what’s wrong.
    He promised me the world… and sometimes its very hard to know what to do, I feel like dating, due to his no contact.
    I sometimes think will he contact in his own time.

    Reply
    • Claudia Ward

      Hi..
      I was dateing a man for 4months…he ended it without a reason then he came back..sometimes you dont know what you have till its gone.

  10. Nani

    Hi Alex, i really enjoyed your Article about why do men leave and come back as i just had this kind of situation recently, my boy friend just leave again for the second time and only god knows why, he has left me earlier, religion issue, he just can’t accept the fact that i believe in what he despises so much, i have told him that it’s not gonna change the love that i have for him but again he says being in different faith is suck,i have convinced him for a thousand times that i respect him and his religion why he couldn’t accept mine.when he first come back i thought we could work it out and fight together but he gave me up again just like that now he left me again without saying a single word, he cut me off in every way. what should i do ? some part of me wanted to let it go but another part of me needs a closure and i don’t deserve to be treated like that.

    Reply
  11. kathy

    I have been in a relationship when i was 19 and he was 31 married man. We dated for 5 years and broke up . I later married with 2 kids

    He perused to find Me , we got back together again after 20 years and the passion is still the same, we travel abroad every year , weekends away , does it mean that he cares about Me or loves me.
    He is now a single person

    Reply
  12. Lee

    Hi Alex
    My now husband keeps vanishing and ghosting me it’s happened all throughout our 2 year relationship I know it’s my fault for allowing his behaviour but just dont know how to put a stop to it and be able to move on to be a happy husband and wife team
    I believe he may have abandonment issues as when he was a child his mum left him and moved to another country but he doesnt see the damage all this is causing

    Reply
  13. Faith

    Hello i met this guy months back we dated for 2 months and he suddenly started telling me not to get too attached but i didn’t take him serious because everything was so fun and passionate. He started behaving cold and i got too needy and clingy he one day just put an end to the relationship. I begged and pleaded to no available but it seem to push him away. I resorted to talking to friends and asking them to talk to him but he rather got angry and said he can’t trust me again for getting his friends involved. He says we can never get back together and says when he gets a new girl he will present her to me. He asked me to move on and he wants me to get married and make a family because he is no future with me. He said the problem is him not me. That his heart has refused to open and he wasn’t happy. He also said he doesn’t want to be a burden to me because i did always take care of his needs during to his financial situation. He is still friendly to me because we are coworkers but sometime he behaves cold. It got worst when i fainted at work due to depression he just became too beater.

    Reply
  14. Faith

    Do i still stand a chance of getting back with him? I love him so much and each time i see him at work i fell terrible.

    Reply
  15. Ella

    So, I made a huge mistake.
    I was broken up with for the second time by the same guy. There was still a lot of hurt and we were definitely not ready, we rushed everything. And he broke up with me again, and I know that a big part of it is because I wasn’t healed from the last break up and so didn’t act too well, being a bit too needy etc. I got so angry and sad that without thinking I put his stuff, and some really important gifts He gave me in a box and sent it to him. I was so silly! I love him so much and actually believe he loves me too, but I’m really scared I might have ruined everything by doing that. Do you think I can still get him back, a second time, after doing something so stupid? Please, I really need your help!!

    Reply
  16. Alyssa

    Hi Alex,

    My boyfriend was the man I thought was going to be my forever. He was my best friend and we just connected in a level we’ve both never felt before. He got a job offer 1700km away from where we currently live and decided he couldn’t do long distance but also said he could never ask me to leave my family and friends. We both have kids from previous relationships so that makes it harder for me to actually pack up and go with him. I’m at a loss as to what to do…

    Reply
    • Alex Cormont

      Hi Alyssa,
      I am sorry that you are experiencing such heartache. Long-distance is always challenging. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to me for coaching so that we can explore the details of your relationship and situation, and help you to make the choice that feels best for you.
      All my best,
      Alex

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