Want a private consultation? Call us at 754.230.1416

Did I scare him away or does he not want to catch feels?!

by | July 13th 2020 | 2 comments

A client of mine asked a very interesting question this morning, and it inspired me to write this article for you today. This is something that I see on a regular basis in my one on one coaching sessions, and I know that if you’re reading this article, you’re wondering about it as well. So, have you been wondering, “Did I scare him away or is he scared of what he feels for me?”

In today’s article, I am going to help you get to the bottom of it, but I will also tell you what you need to know in terms of how to turn things around. I know that male psychology can be a bit confusing sometimes, but that’s what I’m here to help with.

Ladies, there are solutions to every problem, so let’s jump right in!

Did I scare him away: How to know for sure

This is something that can happen easily, and very often. Ladies, in my line of work I see all kinds of patterns and mistakes being repeated, and all the while people are doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different outcome. It was Einstein who said that insanity was doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results!

So it’s time to make some changes, my friends, and if you really want to get the guy you like, you’ve come to the right place. I know how confusing it can be, especially because, at the beginning, he was the one chasing you! He put you on the pedestal, he was the one giving you compliments, asking you out, giving you lots of attention… And you loved it. I know how this goes because we’ve all been there. In the beginning, you think, “Oh no, no, I don’t want someone new in my life right now, I’ve been hurt too much in the past…”

And then one day you fall in love! But this is the moment that he’s scared away… Why?

It’s because you start being too nice, too available, you start sending too many texts, and it’s very common. In the beginning, a guy will put you on a pedestal but then he’ll start to pull away when he realizes that you’re falling for him. If you’re reading this article right now, chances are that your gut knows and is telling you, “I scared him away.” But the good news is that like I said, you can change the situation! Even if you scared him away, you can make some changes today that will bring him back! Let’s take a look at what you can do to make him come back.

I scared him away, is it too late? No!

Here’s the thing. If you think you scared a guy away, chances that you probably did. But it’s not the end of the world! You can start to turn things around by being distant for a couple of days, or a couple of weeks, depending on your situation. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to me here for a one on one coaching session if you need help in determining how much time you should spend being distant. It’s going to depend on how many mistakes you’ve made! The more texts you’ve sent trying to get his attention since the moment you realized that you may have scared him off, the more time you need to spend being distant now.how to compliment a man

So, this guy wants you to come back as a challenge. If you want to know how to not scare your crush away, or to make the guy you’ve been dating come back, just remember that you can’t make it easy for him to take you for granted. And I should mention, this applies to the BEGINNING of a relationship! This type of distance isn’t something that you’ll need to do throughout your relationship once it’s been established.

He wants you to come back as an exciting challenge, so if you’re still in contact with him, you should not be talking about your emotions, the fact that you want to be with him, or that you have strong feelings for him. Instead, you need to be spending this time living a life that makes you feel proud and fulfilled, and when you speak to him, use the opportunity to show him how great your life is.

Talk about what you did that was so interesting in the last week, and paint an inviting picture of your life. We want him to look at you and think, “Wow, life would be so fun with her.”

Think about it this way. There’s a big difference between, “Yea my friends and I went out to eat last night,” and, “I think I had one of the best caccio e pepe pastas of my life last night! I have to take you there!” Show him that you’re enjoying life and that you’re genuinely happy, and he’ll start to gravitate back towards you.

So even if you’re thinking, “I came on too strong and I scared him away,” don’t worry. It happens all the time, trust me! You just need to make sure that you don’t make the same mistakes again. Don’t talk to him about feelings, the relationship, or how you want him to be your boyfriend. Focus more on showing him that you’re living a deeply fulfilling life. This doesn’t mean you have to be jetting around the world on a private plane. It just means that you have to be positive, optimistic, fun-loving, and know how to appreciate life – even in the little things like going to a restaurant. This is exactly the type of thing that will attract a man, even if you scared him away.HOW TO MAKE A MAN CHASE YOU

So my friends, if he isn’t texting you, it’s fine. Focus on making your day great. If he’s not calling you, also fine. Make some fun plans with your friends tonight. If he’s not asking you out, not a problem! Give yourself two new activities to try out every single week.

If you’re in contact with him, these new activities that you’re trying out are the only things you should bring up! This way, you’ll show him that your life is actually amazing and he’d be a fool to not want to be a part of it. This is the absolute best way to hit the refresh button on a budding relationship.

Now, in some cases, it isn’t you that scared the guy away, the problem is that his feelings scared him away…

How to get a guy back that you scared away: The trick

The other thing that might be going on here is that he’s too scared to commit to this relationship with you. Maybe you two met, and he was telling you how much he feels for you, how much he likes you, how amazing this relationship looks like it’s going to be… But then a few weeks later he starts acting cold and distant, and he doesn’t talk about the relationship at all.

Could he be afraid of his feelings for you?

In most cases, it’s not so much that a guy is afraid of his feelings for you; it’s that he’s afraid of being in a relationship, and there are three main reasons for this.

First, when we think about relationships, we remember our past. We think about the breakup, divorce, heartache, sadness, the loss of freedom… And this is why a man might be afraid of being in a relationship again. The first part is fun! It’s all about excitement and attraction, having butterflies, talking all the time, discovering each other, but then it becomes more serious. At this point, he might be scared because he remembers what happened in the past.In other cases, and this is a less pleasant thought, it can actually be because the guy has lost a bit of interest. That said, even if you’re currently thinking, “He stopped texting me and I’m not sure what to do,” there are plenty of options. There are no magic solutions, but I have three techniques that will help you turn things around and make this guy want to spend way more time with you! What to do when someone doesn’t reply to your texts: The 3 solutions Right about now you might be wondering, “Should I call him” but we are going to need to focus on YOU and your actions. You may also be wondering if you should be playing games to get his attention but the answer is no. Games are never a good idea because they could undermine the foundation of this relationship and you can end up getting very hurt. If you play games, it becomes much easier for him to take you for granted, lose interest and not pay attention to the things that you are doing. Instead, we need to inspire him to want to get closer to you. But how? He doesn’t respond to my texts: Getting busy One of the things that I talk about the most frequently with my clients is the importance of understanding the human mind and how we operate. Remember that we, as human beings, are attracted to the things that we feel that we do not possess, and we take for granted the things that we feel we do possess. When we apply this concept to relationships, it is easy to see why it’s so important to be independent and give people space (and the opportunity to miss you)! It’s easy to get carried away when a relationship begins and dedicate all our time and energy to it. Unfortunately, this is also often when the other person starts to become more distant. They realize that you’re no longer an exciting challenge and it becomes dangerously easy for them to take you for granted. So the first solution when he doesn’t text back is to fill up your schedule and get busy. If he isn’t texting you back, it means he isn’t valuing you, so you have to show him how amazing your life is. It’s not a game, but you can show that your life is fun. If you make it seem inaccessible simply by not reaching out to him all the time, you’ll whet his appetite and grab his attention. Enjoy your time with your friends and family, focus on your passions and your hobbies, and work towards your personal and professional goals. It will be great for you if you can do this. You won’t have the time to think about why he’s not texting you, you won’t be glancing at your phone, and you’ll be changing your habits. This will set you up for longterm success in love, my friends. What to do when he doesn’t text you back: Make your life exciting Remember what I was saying about how people value what they think they don’t have? Well, a lot of the women who come to me asking about what to do when a guy doesn’t text them back aren’t showcasing how exciting their lives actually are. They place all their focus on the guy and trying to get him to talk to them, and in doing so, they wind up inadvertently making the guy feel like he’s the center of the universe. Sadly, after a while this gets boring and he can lose interest. Maybe your life isn’t as amazing and inspiring as you want it to be right now, or maybe it is and you just haven’t been making an effort to communicate that to this guy, but now is the time to make some changes. We want him to look at you and think “Wow, she’s incredible… I want to know more about her and all the interesting things she does.” A man is going to pursue a woman that he thinks he can’t have! So when you talk to this guy the next time, make sure you let him in on the fun and exciting things you’ve been doing. Pay attention to your tone of voice. Show him how happy you are in your life. Tell him that today was the most amazing day because you did something wild like skydiving for the first time. These types of emotions are great because they’re very magnetic. You can share things through pictures as well, and we need to change the communication between you. If you can send him voice notes, pictures or even talk to him on the phone, you’ll have a much easier time conveying your positive energy. I know you don't want to make the first step, but changing the way you two are communicating is a great way to get his attention. How to get a guy to text you: Focus on real life As I was saying above, some people are just terrible texters. I have some friends that are basically impossible to talk to via text but are actually quite fun when you’re with them. If your guy isn’t great at texting, I encourage you to make the moments you spend together in real life extra special. The key to making a guy want to commit to you is to make them associate you with fun, positivity and a great time. The more special the time you spend together feels, the more time he will want to spend with you. You’ll see, it’s like clockwork. Instead of focusing on talking to each other via text message and messenger, think outside of the box and figure out what new places you could check out for dates. Focus on doing things you’ve never done before, and going places you’ve never gone before. Make things feel fresh and he’ll gravitate towards you. Even if you see that he’s online and he’s not talking to you, don’t sweat it. It’s ok if he’s not messaging you constantly. It’s also OK if he takes his time before responding to you. If you feel that he’s genuinely uninterested, then I encourage you to reach out to me so that we can create a tailor-made action plan to make him crave your attention. We can create new reactions, help you to be cool and zen. That way, you can easily show this guy that you are different. To work with me, just click here! Navigating a guy’s perspective on texting I know that we men can be confusing in our actions sometimes. But that’s just it. We’re all about action. So texting isn’t always the easiest way to communicate. We want to have experiences, so I encourage you to really focus on making your life rich with exciting and attractive experiences, and I encourage you to make every moment you spend with this guy special. Take your time and don’t put too much pressure on yourself. The more confident you are in yourself, and the more fulfilled you’re feeling in your own life, the easier it will be to attract this man. Don’t let him play with your emotions or make you doubt yourself. Just work on being the best version of yourself and live the life of your dreams. This is how you’ll attract a man like a moth to a flame and make him crave your attention. Switch up the platform you use to communicate with this guy and allow your personality to shine through! Remember, we want to achieve what we are attracted to and we feel we don’t have. So think of yourself as the main prize. If you can adopt this mindset, you’ll see a huge change in the situation! As always, I am here to help you with whatever you need. Sincerely, Your coach when you want to know why he doesn’t text back

Ladies, in this situation it’s more that he’s afraid of being in a relationship with you; not of his feelings for you.

The second reason has to do with how much men love the pursuit. They are attracted to a challenge, and a man might be afraid of his feelings because he wants to hold on to the excitement that comes with pursuing a challenge (you). He knows how his mind works, and it’s similar to the way yours works. Things are fresh and fun at the beginning but as a relationship develops, things start to settle down and become more routine. No one wants things to feel monotonous and predictable, and if a guy has already experienced that in the past, it could account for the distance he’s putting between you now.

The third reason has to do with your actions. In many cases, I notice that the guy isn’t sure about what you want and it can lead to him pulling away. In the beginning, he was actively pursuing you so maybe you figured that everything was fine. Then suddenly he leaves!

This is often because you were inadvertently taking him for granted and did not realize that you weren’t showing him that you appreciated his actions. A man also needs to be reassured about your intentions.

Don’t talk about love and emotions because this puts too much pressure on both of you. Instead, focus on enjoying the present moment and showing him that he has successfully made you happy. Tell him specifically what he did that brought you joy, and don’t forget to smile and use your body language.

My friends, the solution always has to do with helping a man associate you with excitement, positively, and a deeply gratifying life. If they feel pressured or that the decision to be in a relationship wasn’t their own, they’ll pull away. If you have any questions at all, I am here to help. I know how confusing it can be, but if you’d like to dive deeper, read this article on how to understand male psychology.

I wish you all the best in life and love.


Your number 1 French relationship coach

Alex Cormont


  1. Avatar

    Hey Alex
    i have been dating this guy for 9 months but his married during the start of the relationship he was so nice consistent i month a go we started having issues and he ended up breaking up with me,i feel something for him and am aware of the dynamics but i feel safe there for now i really want to get back and fix things i do not know how to go about it,also i dont want to sound needy and clingy

    • Alex Cormont

      Hi Nimoh, thank you for reaching out. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to us for coaching so that we can ask you targetted questions and properly analyze your situation. To work with me or a member of my team, just click here!

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

About Alex

"What if the true definition of love was not what you thought it was?"
It’s time to make your own.

Alex Cormont

Special offer

Discover the 20 secrets to find happiness in love

About Alex