Did I scare him away or does he not want to catch feels?!
A client of mine asked a very interesting question this morning, and it inspired me to write this article for you today. This is something that I see on a regular basis in my one on one coaching sessions, and I know that if you’re reading this article, you’re wondering about it as well. So, have you been wondering, “Did I scare him away or is he scared of what he feels for me?”
In today’s article, I am going to help you get to the bottom of it, but I will also tell you what you need to know in terms of how to turn things around. I know that male psychology can be a bit confusing sometimes, but that’s what I’m here to help with.
Ladies, there are solutions to every problem, so let’s jump right in!
Did I scare him away: How to know for sure
This is something that can happen easily, and very often. Ladies, in my line of work I see all kinds of patterns and mistakes being repeated, and all the while people are doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different outcome. It was Einstein who said that insanity was doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results!
So it’s time to make some changes, my friends, and if you really want to get the guy you like, you’ve come to the right place. I know how confusing it can be, especially because, at the beginning, he was the one chasing you! He put you on the pedestal, he was the one giving you compliments, asking you out, giving you lots of attention… And you loved it. I know how this goes because we’ve all been there. In the beginning, you think, “Oh no, no, I don’t want someone new in my life right now, I’ve been hurt too much in the past…”
And then one day you fall in love! But this is the moment that he’s scared away… Why?
It’s because you start being too nice, too available, you start sending too many texts, and it’s very common. In the beginning, a guy will put you on a pedestal but then he’ll start to pull away when he realizes that you’re falling for him. If you’re reading this article right now, chances are that your gut knows and is telling you, “I scared him away.” But the good news is that like I said, you can change the situation! Even if you scared him away, you can make some changes today that will bring him back! Let’s take a look at what you can do to make him come back.
I scared him away, is it too late? No!
Here’s the thing. If you think you scared a guy away, chances that you probably did. But it’s not the end of the world! You can start to turn things around by being distant for a couple of days, or a couple of weeks, depending on your situation. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to me here for a one on one coaching session if you need help in determining how much time you should spend being distant. It’s going to depend on how many mistakes you’ve made! The more texts you’ve sent trying to get his attention since the moment you realized that you may have scared him off, the more time you need to spend being distant now.
So, this guy wants you to come back as a challenge. If you want to know how to not scare your crush away, or to make the guy you’ve been dating come back, just remember that you can’t make it easy for him to take you for granted. And I should mention, this applies to the BEGINNING of a relationship! This type of distance isn’t something that you’ll need to do throughout your relationship once it’s been established.
He wants you to come back as an exciting challenge, so if you’re still in contact with him, you should not be talking about your emotions, the fact that you want to be with him, or that you have strong feelings for him. Instead, you need to be spending this time living a life that makes you feel proud and fulfilled, and when you speak to him, use the opportunity to show him how great your life is.
Talk about what you did that was so interesting in the last week, and paint an inviting picture of your life. We want him to look at you and think, “Wow, life would be so fun with her.”
Think about it this way. There’s a big difference between, “Yea my friends and I went out to eat last night,” and, “I think I had one of the best caccio e pepe pastas of my life last night! I have to take you there!” Show him that you’re enjoying life and that you’re genuinely happy, and he’ll start to gravitate back towards you.
So even if you’re thinking, “I came on too strong and I scared him away,” don’t worry. It happens all the time, trust me! You just need to make sure that you don’t make the same mistakes again. Don’t talk to him about feelings, the relationship, or how you want him to be your boyfriend. Focus more on showing him that you’re living a deeply fulfilling life. This doesn’t mean you have to be jetting around the world on a private plane. It just means that you have to be positive, optimistic, fun-loving, and know how to appreciate life – even in the little things like going to a restaurant. This is exactly the type of thing that will attract a man, even if you scared him away.
So my friends, if he isn’t texting you, it’s fine. Focus on making your day great. If he’s not calling you, also fine. Make some fun plans with your friends tonight. If he’s not asking you out, not a problem! Give yourself two new activities to try out every single week.
If you’re in contact with him, these new activities that you’re trying out are the only things you should bring up! This way, you’ll show him that your life is actually amazing and he’d be a fool to not want to be a part of it. This is the absolute best way to hit the refresh button on a budding relationship.
Now, in some cases, it isn’t you that scared the guy away, the problem is that his feelings scared him away…
How to get a guy back that you scared away: The trick
The other thing that might be going on here is that he’s too scared to commit to this relationship with you. Maybe you two met, and he was telling you how much he feels for you, how much he likes you, how amazing this relationship looks like it’s going to be… But then a few weeks later he starts acting cold and distant, and he doesn’t talk about the relationship at all.
Could he be afraid of his feelings for you?
In most cases, it’s not so much that a guy is afraid of his feelings for you; it’s that he’s afraid of being in a relationship, and there are three main reasons for this.
First, when we think about relationships, we remember our past. We think about the breakup, divorce, heartache, sadness, the loss of freedom… And this is why a man might be afraid of being in a relationship again. The first part is fun! It’s all about excitement and attraction, having butterflies, talking all the time, discovering each other, but then it becomes more serious. At this point, he might be scared because he remembers what happened in the past.
Ladies, in this situation it’s more that he’s afraid of being in a relationship with you; not of his feelings for you.
The second reason has to do with how much men love the pursuit. They are attracted to a challenge, and a man might be afraid of his feelings because he wants to hold on to the excitement that comes with pursuing a challenge (you). He knows how his mind works, and it’s similar to the way yours works. Things are fresh and fun at the beginning but as a relationship develops, things start to settle down and become more routine. No one wants things to feel monotonous and predictable, and if a guy has already experienced that in the past, it could account for the distance he’s putting between you now.
The third reason has to do with your actions. In many cases, I notice that the guy isn’t sure about what you want and it can lead to him pulling away. In the beginning, he was actively pursuing you so maybe you figured that everything was fine. Then suddenly he leaves!
This is often because you were inadvertently taking him for granted and did not realize that you weren’t showing him that you appreciated his actions. A man also needs to be reassured about your intentions.
Don’t talk about love and emotions because this puts too much pressure on both of you. Instead, focus on enjoying the present moment and showing him that he has successfully made you happy. Tell him specifically what he did that brought you joy, and don’t forget to smile and use your body language.
My friends, the solution always has to do with helping a man associate you with excitement, positively, and a deeply gratifying life. If they feel pressured or that the decision to be in a relationship wasn’t their own, they’ll pull away. If you have any questions at all, I am here to help. I know how confusing it can be, but if you’d like to dive deeper, read this article on how to understand male psychology.
I wish you all the best in life and love.
Your number 1 French relationship coach