How to find love in today’s day and age!
I have been a coach in love and relationships since 2007, and I have worked with thousands and thousands of people that have asked me how to find love. Sometimes they struggle with making a relationship last, and sometimes they struggle with finding someone with whom they would like to build a solid and long lasting relationship! Finding the right person is not that easy, especially when we live in a consumer’s society that trains people to go through potential relationships as fast as a person flips through channels on TV.
It’s no surprise that so many people are feeling lonely and broken hearted, wondering what they need to do to find someone that is going to make them feel happy. If you’ve found yourself in this situation and you want to know about all the means for finding love that are available for finding love, you’ve come to the right place! I am going to explore some of the easiest ways to meet people that could end up being the perfect match.
I know that you’re feeling tired of being single, and it’s frustrating that you don’t feel like you’re meeting anyone that interests you. There are a lot of common reactions that I see in people that have been single for a while, so I’m going to take a section of this article and warn you about that as well. Sometimes people create mental blocks, and all it takes is getting rid of them to find the right person!
Why do so many people want to know how to find love?
Not too long ago, Amy came to me for help with her love life. She felt like she wasn’t meeting anyone interesting, and she was beginning to worry that she would never find The One. She had gone on some dates with some guys, but she wasn’t inspired by anyone. She felt like she either didn’t have enough in common with the guys or that they just didn’t inspire her in any way. Then she met a guy at her gym one day. Well, they locked eyes at the gym, but they didn’t start talking until they both happened to be at the Starbucks next door a few days later. They hit it off and he had asked for her number. She thought he was cute and liked how the conversation flowed between them, so she gave him her number and accepted when we asked her if she out for a drink that weekend.
They met up three times - once for drinks, then twice for dinner and drinks. Once she slept over at his, she thought that things were going well… But not long after that, things fizzled out and she stopped hearing from him. She wasn’t so upset about things ending with him as much as she was upset about yet another disappointment.
After a while, she had just given up and didn’t even feel like it was worth going out on dates anymore. Her friends had tried to set her up with a guy or two, but she wasn’t open to it anymore.
When she came to me, she asked me where she should look for love, and why it was so darn hard to find. I remember her saying, “All my friends are in relationships… Why can’t I be in one too? Is there something I’m doing wrong? I’m really starting to lose hope.” I recognized a look that I see all too often in the people that come to me for help: discouragement.
The problem that many people are faced with today is that our society teaches people to never be satisfied. This in turn means that people constantly want what they don’t have, so they go through relationships in the blink of an eye without trying to establish something serious and long-lasting. The other problem is that many times people just enjoy the chase, and then once they’ve gotten what they’ve wanted from someone (i.e. sex), they get bored and move on. For someone who’s thinking, “I want to find true love,” all of these disappointments can really start to wear them down and want to give up.
But I want to remind you of something… If you really want to find true love, it only has to work once!
Another one of my coachees, Sandra, was having a hard time finding a relationship because she was putting too much pressure on herself. I often see that people want to be in a relationship so badly that they tend to rush things and inadvertently pressure the person they’ve begun dating.
Sandra really did not want to be single at all, so when she met Brad, she went all out. She made sure he knew that she really liked him and really wanted to be his girlfriend. She always wanted to be in touch with him and wanted to make sure they could always see each other. Needless to say, he began to feel suffocated, felt that things were moving way too fast, and proceeded to put an end to things between them. She initially came to me for help in getting him back, but in working together, we decided to switch our focus to freeing her from emotional dependency because this was actually what was keeping her from establishing a serious relationship. I will expand on this a bit more later on in the article.
The issue that Sandra encountered was in essence quite simple. Because she placed so much pressure on Brad and on the budding relationship, she stopped acting like herself, and therefore didn’t realize that she was actually slamming the brakes on the relationship. She stopped focusing on her own personal life and made Brad the center of her universe. He stopped recognizing the woman that he had initially begun to fall for, and he started to feel like he really needed some space from her. The more he pulled away, the more omnipresent she became. Simply put, she needed to learn how to find balance in her life so that she would not depend on a relationship for happiness, so that she could build her self confidence, and naturally inspire someone to want to be a part of the amazing life that she was creating for herself.
I know that many of you are wondering how to find love because you’re tired of being alone, or because you feel like everyone is getting married or having kids (or already has a family) and you feel like you’re behind… Let me please just let me say that there is absolutely no point in comparing yourself to others, especially when it comes to love and relationships. Each person and each relationship is entirely unique, and just because your sister or your best friend is happy in love, it does not mean that you should be ashamed of not being in the same situation. Where there is a problem, there is a solution!
So now that we’ve explored why finding the love of your life is so hard for so many people in today’s day and age, let’s take a look at all the methods for finding love that are available to you!
How to find love: There are so many ways!
When it comes to how to find a lover and establishing a satisfying, healthy, long-lasting relationship, what I am about to tell you is THE most important thing: Being happy with yourself.
I know, I know, you’ve probably heard this a million times. “Before you can be happy in a relationship, you have to be happy on your own,” but believe me. Truer words have never been spoken. Think about it…
If your happiness depends on your partner and on your relationship, you’re no longer in control and you can quickly begin to feel insecure, which in turn leads to you exhibiting needy or clingy behavior towards your partner, which suffocates him or her, and makes them want to pull away from you, which makes you … So you see, it’s a negative spiral.
That’s important to bear in mind whether you’re in the beginning stages of a relationship or a long term relationship already. But does this apply to you if you’re still looking for love?
It sure does…
When you have made sure that you are very satisfied with your personal life, you know what you bring to the table. You know what you have to offer a potential partner, and this boosts your self confidence. If you’re familiar with my philosophy, then you know that I always say that confidence is the most important element of seduction. By the way, if you want to know more about the subject, I have an entire section of my site dedicated to seduction.
People that love their lives attract others like moths to a flame. If you feel like there is room for improvement in this department, I encourage you to start hitting the gym, picking up hobbies both old and new that bring you joy, setting professional goals for yourself and begin actively working towards them, go out and discover new places both in your city and in others, spend time with the people that make you happiest, update your look if you want to, and fill your schedule with activities that feel excited about life. Try new things and don’t be afraid to experiment with activities you’ve never tried before like salsa dancing (an amazing way to meet new people by the way) or rock climbing.
When people are wondering, “How can I find love,” I often see them focusing on the wrong thing. They look for what they can find in another person, what they want in another person, and how another person could make them happy. The thing is, they’re forgetting to focus on what they can offer the other person! What about the reasons a person has to fall for you, and choose you, and want to establish a serious relationship with you? If you meet the perfect guy or girl tomorrow, do you feel confident that they would choose you?
This is why I keep harping on the fact that it’s so important to take care of yourself and make sure that you’re confident!
This is also the solution for fighting emotional dependency. As I started to say above, being emotionally dependent on another person can really damage your attempt at forming or maintaining a relationship. You want to make sure that you can be yourself when you meet someone that sparks your interest.
So, let’s take a look at how to find a relationship!
If you’re truly looking for your soul mate, the best way to meet him or her is probably going to be doing something you love. You want to be with someone with whom you have lots in common, someone with whom you are compatible, so go out and do the things you love. Sign up for classes or meet-ups, and always have something fun planned for your weekend. You’re not going to meet anyone sitting at home on the couch watching TV…
Find love: With a little help from your friends!
One of the best ways to find love is with the help of the people that know you best. Be open to going to parties or dinners where you don’t know everyone. Chances are, if the people that are there are friends with your friends, you’re going to have some things in common. The key to meeting new people is being social, and you sometimes have to get out of your comfort zone!
You can also try out new bars and restaurants with your friends, and remain open to meeting other people that are there as well.
You’ll see, you often meet people when you least expect it, so you all you need to do is be proactive and keep a busy schedule full of fun activities that bring you joy. You don’t ever have to force yourself to do something that makes you very uncomfortable. Remember, you always should be having fun!
Be open minded, and be open to the idea of making new friends as well. Each person has their own circle of friends, and you never know when they might introduce you to someone what makes your heart skip a beat!
Another thing to keep in when when you want love, is to be open to suggestions from your friends. I know that “blind dates” sometimes have a negative connotation, but they shouldn’t. Life is full of surprises and you never know who you might meet. Your friends know you better than anyone, and if they’re saying that you should get a drink with a certain somebody, there is a really good chance that you could have a great time!
Where to find love: At the workplace
Keeping in line with the concept of meeting people who share similar interests with you, finding love at work is also very common. You are in the same place every day and you work in the same field, so you have easy access to someone that you are compatible with.
You just need to see what you feel comfortable with, as I know that many people do not like the idea of dating a colleague. If you don’t want to date someone that you work with directly, a good idea would be to attend work parties or events where you’ll be sure to meet people that work in the same line of work as you, but from different companies.
If you’re invited to a colleague’s birthday party, don’t be shy! Go and have fun.
You just have to be open to meeting new people and to opportunities that present themselves to you!
How do I find love: Going out
When I say going out, I don’t mean that you have to go to seedy bars where everyone is trying to hit on someone at the bar. A good way to find love is to go out and have fun with your friends. If someone catches your eye, don’t hesitate to strike up conversation.
Similarly, if someone begins talking to you, be open minded. I see so many people closing themselves off from everybody because they only want one “type” of person. I also see way too many people focusing solely on the superficial aspect. Yes, its normal that you would want to be attracted to the person you’re going to date, but that doesn’t mean that you should only consider them if they look like a Guess model.
Just go out with the spirit of having fun, don’t put pressure on yourself, and you’ll see that you’ll meet more people!
Where can I find love: Sites and apps
With the development of smartphones and of course the internet, many people have begun to use dating apps and dating sites to meet new people.
There are so many that you can find anything you are looking for. Unfortunately, some people think that looking for love on the internet is taboo, and they don’t take advantage of all the opportunities that are available to them. Your happiness and wellbeing is of utmost importance, and there are absolutely nothing wrong with signing up on these sites and being open to meeting the person that will prove to be the perfect match.
You can make a detailed profile, and by the way, I have outlined how exactly to make your profile attract the most amount of views in this article (HOW TO SEDUCE ONLINE ARTICLE), and this will make it easier to find someone compatible.
Remember, the key is to always have fun. Even if you don’t have a big budget to dedicate to this, you can sign up for free dating apps like Tinder.
If you’d like to know more about all the different apps and sites available to you, I invite you to read this right away (DATING APPS ARTICLE)
If you have any questions at all, don’t hesitate to post them in the comments section below, and if you would like one on one guidance, all you have to do is reach out to me here!
Wishing you all the best in life and love,