Reasons to break up: The importance of understanding why it ended

When you go through a breakup, 99% of the time you still have feelings for the person you just lost so your first impulse is to do anything in your power to get close to them again. You don’t want this distance between you to be forever, and you want to maintain a connection with this person, so you’re ready to do whatever it takes to earn a second chance… even if you aren’t at fault for everything. Very often the breakup is unexpected and you’re not quite sure what the reasons to break up really were. Now you feel intense frustration, maybe even deep anger, but you also feel profound sadness. Depression in love usually follows close behind an emotional shock like this, especially if you had been planning a future together. Human beings aren’t made to live life alone, so it’s normal to feel devastated when the person you considered to be the love of your life decides to leave.

If you are unfamiliar with my coaching philosophy, I am someone who feels that there is a solution for every problem as long as you are able to make an effort and target your significant other’s expectations. The moment the breakup happens, you have to become aware of what he or she wants so that you can respond accordingly. By conducting a proper analysis and applying the right techniques at the right time (yes, timing is almost as important as the actions themselves!), you’ll be able to rekindle the flame. To reach this goal, you should not waste time, and make sure you’re aware of the fact that there are certain steps to follow. One of these steps is of course understanding the breakup and why it happened. You need to have a perfect understanding of why your now ex-partner made such a radical decision. At first glance you might think that it’s not that important, but you’ll soon see that without this step, you cannot define an effective action plan for getting a second chance. It will be at the foundation of your entire strategy! If at some point you’re thinking that your attempt at getting your ex back isn’t moving forward, it’s going to be because you didn’t analyze the breakup properly or you forgot about something very important to the person you love.

3 reasons why you need to know the reasons for breaking up

Despite all the differences between people, an attempt at getting back together with an ex always begins with the same step. It is therefore crucial that you respect it because it will guide you throughout the entire process! Understanding your ex’s reasons to break up with you will determine all of your actions, so please! Don’t neglect this step.

Understanding so that I know the answer to “Why we broke up”

The first reason why you need to understand why you broke up is so that you can identify the mistakes you had make throughout the relationship. A breakup never happens without reason, even if it feels like it came out of the blue. Your ex didn’t make this decision overnight. It’s something that they had to think about for days, weeks, or even months. I want you to know that you’re not the only person responsible for the breakup. Your ex isn’t perfect either! Going through a separation is a failure for the relationship, and that means that both people are affected. It’s important to know what your ex disliked about your behavior enough to make him or her want to separate from you. By understanding what they were feeling and the mistakes you made, you’ll be able to pinpoint the source of tensions and concrete reasons for breaking up with someone.

Keep in mind that sometimes a person doesn’t tell you everything because they don’t want to hurt you more than they have to, so it’s up to you to do some introspection and analyze the breakup. I know how hard this is and it feels like you’re just twisting the knife in the wound, especially because you’re going to bring up painful memories. You’re probably going to be thinking, “If I had acted differently, we would still be together today,” but don’t let regret paralyze you. You are fully capable of turning things around. All is not lost, as long as you take matters into your own hands now. By making an effort to understand the breakup and do undo the damage of the past, you’ll avoid making the mistakes that cost you your relationship twice.

The 10 most common reasons why people break up

To give you an idea of the reasons why people break up, I wanted to give you the ten most common ones, in no particular order. As I said, breaking up can come as such a shock, especially if you had been together for a very long time. Sometimes people in short-term relationships just realize that they don’t click, but why do people that had been happy together for months or even years meet an untimely end? Let’s take a look. Here are the reasons that I see most often in my coaching sessions with people that had just gone through a breakup.

1. “We fell out of love.”

Relationships require maintenance, no matter what. Sometimes when the excitement factor is neglected and the routine takes over, the stagnant feeling that comes along is enough to snuff out the flame between two people. This is why it’s so important to be proactive in your relationship and always think of new experiences to share together that bring you closer.

2. “We stopped being intimate.”

Again, if you neglect important aspects of the relationship that bring you closer together, the relationship is going to suffer.

3. “Cheating.”

I’m not gonna lie, broken trust is a hard thing to repair, but nothing is impossible in love.

4. “Life threw too many curveballs at us.”

Even the strongest relationships can crumble when a couple has to go through some (or too many) challenging experiences. Issues relating to family life, death, work, school, and moving can become burdensome.

5. “We didn’t know how to communicate.”

This is a huge one and it’s one of the top reasons to break up that affect all relationships. If you are unable to communicate what you’re feeling and what you need, it will be hard to act as a team and have a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

6. “Neediness and clinginess.” I

f you know my philosophy you know how much I harp on not exhibiting any needy or clingy behavior in your relationship! Having a healthy and satisfying personal life is one of the most important things if you want a balanced and happy relationship.

7. “There was too much jealousy and there were control issues.”

Relationships need trust, space, and balance in order to survive. If a person becomes too possessive, the relationship will inevitably suffer.

8. “We weren’t on the same page about our future.”

Sometimes people want different things. For example, one wants a family, and one wants to focus on their career path.

9. “We couldn’t agree on important matters.”

I often see finances or the way people want to raise their children as a huge source of tension that often leads to two people parting ways. It boils down to communication and compromise.

10. “After a big lie I couldn’t trust my ex anymore.”

Again, trust and communication are key.

Reasons to break up with someone: The analysis

As I was saying, the introspection that you’re going to have to do might not be easy and it might not be fun, but you absolutely must do it properly. You need to show your ex that you’ve fully understood what they want and need, and what you need to change. These are your two main goals. Knowing your ex’s reason for breaking up with you isn’t about causing yourself any more pain or making yourself think, “I should have done it differently.” The goal isn’t to make yourself feel guilty; it’s to figure out what exactly cost you this relationship. I’m asking you to understand the breakup so that you can make a spectacular come-back and give a new image of yourself to the person you love. You’ve got to analyze everything: your actions as well as those of your ex, your attitudes, things that brought tension into your relationship, and the way your arguments ended. All of this is essential for knowing why she or she left you and for pinpoint the exact solution. So I want you to ask yourself: – Why did you make these mistakes? Was it on purpose (vengeance) or by accident? – How can you proceed in order to ease tensions? – How can you establish a new way of communicating? – What exactly does my ex want from me?

These questions will allow you to become a better partner to your significant other. Your ex is not going to take back the same person they broke up with, so you’ve got to change your ways. These aren’t the only questions you should ask yourself, and I highly recommend setting up a one on one coaching session so that we could pinpoint the exact things you need to pay attention to in your specific situation. It’s easy to be blinded by love or by other, more negative emotions like jealousy, revenge, or pride, and perhaps you’ve been going about getting your ex back in the wrong way. You are by no means a bad person. You just got caught up in a chain of events that led you to a consequence that you could never have imagined. You’ve got to take the time to think about how to prove to your ex that you truly do deserve another chance and that with you, they could be truly happy.

Put yourself in your ex’s shoes so that you know what to do next!

Understanding your ex’s breakup reasons also allows you to understand what your ex partner felt when you made mistakes in the relationship. You absolutely must put yourself in your ex’s shoes. Very often, we are selfish and only think about our own happiness. Trust me, it’s human nature and it’s perfectly natural. It’s sometimes hard to realize that your attitude is negatively affecting someone else. Your ex has also done things that made you unhappy, so remember that you’re not the only one at fault. Your ex might also have a hard time realizing how their actions could hurt you.

This isn’t a simple exercise because it’s complicated to know exactly how the other person is feeling. Whether their emotions are positive or negative, putting yourself in your ex’s shoes doesn’t mean that you have to know exactly what they feel – but it should give you a general idea. You know them better than anyone, so you can imagine their reactions to the things that they may have criticized about you. It’s important to know your ex’s reasons for breaking up with you so that you can put things into perspective. You might not be objective enough, and you can’t ask your loved ones to tell you what your ex is thinking – it’s up to you to do this work. This is why help from a coach could be the best option. You could have a precise analysis and save valuable time by benefiting from an effective plan of action tailer made to work for your situation.

Best wishes,

Your coach for knowing the reasons for the separation,

Alex Cormont