How to reconcile a relationship: The most important Do’s and Don’ts!
You can feel a breakup looming over your head and you want to know how to reconcile a relationship ASAP. You can’t imagine losing the person you love, even though things have become so complicated in the relationship. You’ve come to the right place because I am going to tell you exactly what you have to start doing, starting today!
I won’t lie, it’s going to require effort, patience and perseverance, but your hard work will pay off. The person you love, whether you’re still together or have already broken up, needs to see a change in you. You have to remain in control of your emotions, and show empathy. In this article I will share the biggest Do’s and Don’ts when you want to get the relationship with the person you love back on track.
You’re going to have to make sure that you and your significant other are on the same page, and saving a relationship is a two way road. You’re undoubtedly feeling a surge of emotions right now because you’re terrified of things falling apart beyond repair, but don’t let this fear paralyze you and keep you from taking action!
Your motivation behind learning how to reconcile a relationship
When you feel this urgent need to mend a broken relationship, it’s very important that you take a moment to explore what is at the root of this feeling. Instinctively, you’re going to reply, “I love him/her!” But I often see people fighting to save a relationship that does not bring them joy because they are emotionally dependent on their partner or because they’re afraid of being alone.
In relationships, you have to be able to stand on your own two feet and cultivate a fulfilling personal life as well. If there is no balance in the relationship, it is highly likely that it is going to suffer.
Make sure that you’re enjoying your life, that you’re working on your personal and professional goals, and that you’re spending time with your friends and family, and your relationship will be a wonderful addition to an already amazing life. If you feel like your partner is your only source of happiness, you can develop needy, clingy, or anxious behavior that isn’t going to help you to hold on to a stable relationship. If you realized that you are emotionally dependent on your partner and you would like a helping hand, do not hesitate to reach out to us for guidance!
Now, the other important element to which I would like to draw your attention right off the bat is the fact that when you decide to begin working on saving a relationship, you can’t be the only one making the effort. Like I said above, reconciling a relationship is a two way road, and your partner can’t expect you to do all of the work. No one is perfect, so both of you have done things that have led up to the current situation.
Successfully restoring a relationship isn’t about chasing after your significant other, desperately trying to make him or her love you again and you shouldn’t sit around waiting for things to change on their own either. Once again, the importance of balance and remaining in control of your emotions should not be underestimated.
If you want your significant other to genuinely want to be with you, you have to attract them like a magnet instead of trying to pressure, threaten, or guilt-trip them.
Remaining in control of your emotions and feeling like you have a good handle on your personal life is also going to help you to feel more at ease with the situation. Let me put it this way - if you are frozen with the fear of losing your partner for good, you’re going to stop acting like yourself. You’re going to start panicking at the thought of this relationship falling apart so you’ll start putting pressure on yourself and on the relationship to work. In turn, you start feeling like you’re constantly walking on eggshells and you have trouble expressing yourself, or you start acting out of jealousy or neediness.
If you’re able to remain in control and act confidently, your partner will begin to feel the same way. You’ll be able to act like yourselves, and that’s how you fell in love in the first place!
How to mend a broken relationship starting now!
When your relationship feels like it’s about to fall apart, or if you two have already broken up, the very first thing you need to do is take a step back and put things into perspective. The easiest way to do this is to do some serious introspection and ask yourself some honest questions.
You have to figure out what exactly your significant other could criticize about you, and what kind of solutions you can provide. Keep in mind that sometimes your partner won’t tell you flat out because they don’t want to hurt you. So starting now, ask yourself these three questions:
- What exactly about my behavior could frustrate my significant other? (ex. Jealousy)
- Where is this behavior stemming from? (ex. Having been cheated on in the past)
- What concrete solutions can I find and implement in my daily life? (ex. Practicing trust and busying my mind to avoid fixating on my partner’s every move)
The next step is going to be establishing or reestablishing proper communication. Remaining calm, practicing being open and honest, and paying attention to how you speak to your partner are keys. Many people make the mistake of only pointing fingers and using their words like bullets. “You always do this, you never do that…!”
If you have something that you want to say about your partner’s behavior, present it in a less threatening way so that you can nurture the complicity between you. Remember, you two are a team.
Ex. “You never spend any time with me,” vs. “I miss spending time with you.”
Similarly, be open to what your partner is telling you. Hear them out. Reconciling a relationship is deeply rooted in communication.
Listen to one another and work together to find long-term solutions. So many people remain defensive and don’t allow anything to improve. Now if your partner is the one that has their walls up and isn’t being conducive to any useful conversations, the best thing to do is to give them some space right now and focus on your own life. Sometimes it takes a shock for them to realize what they stand to lose. The worst thing to do is to beg and plead at their feet! Busy yourself and let them see you happy in your own life, and they will want to get closer again.
How to reconcile with the person you love: The game of seduction
At this point, you’re going to have to work on establishing a new relationship with the person you love. When things come back together, you need to make sure you’re not just going down the same path that didn’t work before. If it led you to this point, why would you want to go down the same road? The key for doing this is pinpointing what exactly needs to change and making a valiant effort to change it while keeping what worked, but there is another, very important element that must never be neglected!
And that is SEDUCTION.
Seducing your partner not only allows you to start over, it brings you closer, and the closer you feel, the easier it is to be intimate about your feelings. It solidifies the complicity between you and reestablished that magnetic feeling that existed at the beginning of your relationship.
Reconciling with your ex is a wonderful thing, but don’t make the mistake of thinking that everything is just going to be great now that you’re back together. Getting back together or fixing an issue is much easier than maintaining positive changes in the long run!
It requires maintenance and perseverance, and seduction isn’t only about sexual intimacy. You want to beckon your partner into your world, and make them want to be a part of it. Like I said, focusing on making your own life as great as it can be will attract the person you love like a moth to a flame. Just make sure that you don’t neglect important elements like introspection, communication, and listening to your partner.
Reconciling after separation: You don’t want a blast from the past!
Reconciling after a separation, or even after a period of distance between you and your partner, must always be the start of a NEW relationship that brings joy to both of you. I can’t even tell you how many times I see people jump back into a relationship that is identical to the one that wasn’t working, and commit the same mistakes. Result? They end up separating again because one of them becomes unhappy (usually quite quickly). More often than not, that person will be your ex. This exactly is why I keep harping on the importance of seduction because it allows you to constantly fuel their desire for you!
As this article comes to an end, I wanted to take a moment to give you one more handy hint that can make a huge difference in your situation.
Don’t talk about the past too often.
When you succeed in reconciling a relationship, you definitely need to talk about what went wrong and come up with solutions together, but it’s equally important to not dwell on the things that hurt you and your relationship.
A common phenomenon that I see in my line of work is people sticking to the role of the “victim” after a separation, and subconsciously holding it over their significant other’s head.
This subconscious resentment keeps you from enjoying being together and moving forward with your relationship. Keep in mind that if you keep talking to him or her about how they’ve caused you pain (especially if they’re trying to improve things), they might begin to think their efforts have been pointless!
This is pretty much the same as shooting yourself in the foot.
The best thing to do is to really focus on the positive, focus on the future, make sure you communicate with your partner about how they’ve been making you feel happy, and avoid bringing up the past unnecessarily.
Once again, I am here to guide you from A to Z so don’t hesitate to leave your comment below and I’d be happy to personally reply, or get in touch with me directly for one on one coaching. Together we can design the most effective plan of action that is tailor made to suit your personal situation.
All my best,
Your coach for knowing how to reconcile a relationship