Emotional Dependency: Everything You Need That Will Set You Free!

by | December 10th 2019 | 7 comments

Have you noticed that you tend to exhibit signs of emotional dependency in your romantic relationships? Do you want to feel more confident and feel emotionally independent, and/or forget painful situations that you’ve experienced in the past that have an effect on your behavior today, so that you can enjoy a stable love life? Would you like to learn how to improve your relationship and get rid of this fear of losing the person you love once and for all?

If you are emotionally dependent, you’re going to find resources and information that will help you to overcome your fears and cultivate a truly satisfying love life. Together we will explore where this dependency on the other person comes from, what tools exist for having better control of your emotions, and what you can do to change your mindset and feel more at ease on a daily basis. Before we get started I wanted to give you a precise definition of emotional dependency and how it can manifest itself in a person’s life. It is often something that people are unaware of, but it can cause serious damage both for the relationship and for the person affected.
It’s important to understand that this happens to many people. Practically 6 out of 10 people that contact me after experiencing a problem in their relationship find that they’ve become dependent on their partner. These cases are more or less extreme, and both men and women are affected. There is, in fact, a direct link between emotional and personal development…

It’s never easy to fall so hard in love that you end up living in permanent fear. You feel like you don’t deserve this lack of self-confidence and what’s more, you feel like your partner doesn’t get it. I’ve created this special article to give you the support you deserve and to show you that solutions do exist. Thousands of people have succeeded in overcoming this before you, so why wouldn’t you be able to do the same?
Before diving into the details, I wanted to take a moment to talk about how I see the situation.
I have worked with over 12,000 people since 2007 so I can confidently say that emotional dependency can cause some of the worst damage both in men and in women, regardless of their age or background. No one should think that they’re spared, but with efforts and the right actions, you can quickly get back in control of your emotions and overcome it once and for all. In doing so, you can open the doors to a much more fulfilling love life for both you and your partner.
You have to believe in it!
You have to keep yourself from making excuses and you have to make an effort every day!
You are the master of your own destiny, so don’t neglect your desires!

Emotional dependency: What is it exactly?

Before setting out to overcome emotional dependency, it’s important to note that it is made up of different facets.
Being dependent on someone, especially a partner, is a stressful state that can mix jealousy, possessiveness, and the need for the other person. People that are suffering from this feeling are constantly feeling doubtful about their partner’s feelings for them, and are constantly searching for reassurance. They also have great difficulty being away from the other person, even for just a few minutes. The crises are numerous because the person suffering from emotional dependency becomes controlling and might forbid his or her partner from spending time at home with their family, going out with friends, or hanging out with colleagues after work… In the most extreme cases, this causes tensions in even the banalest things like going out to run errands at the supermarket… I am talking about excessive emotional dependency.
There is a constant feeling of abandonment and it makes the person behave in this manner. The person suffering from emotional dependency is constantly on edge because they’re afraid of losing their soul mate.
This, of course, becomes very detrimental to the couple’s relationship and a negative spiral begins. The person becomes too needy, which leads to tensions that become more and more powerful, and the end result is that the thing the person feared most begins to loom overhead: separation.
The person’s partner is placed on a pedestal and gets locked into the relationship when the exact opposite should be happening if the relationship is to be healthy and long-lasting. In order to learn how to be emotionally independent in a relationship, there are a few different techniques that you can use, but the most important thing to realize is that you have to start visibly changing your ways.

The root of being emotionally dependent

I feel that in order to properly solve a problem or an issue, one has to precisely pinpoint the exact origin. If you’re able to put your finger on an issue that goes deeper than your emotional dependency, you’re going to be able to revolutionize your love life. You will no longer fear to lose the person you love and you will be able to take matters into your own control.
In this section, I wanted to share some of the principal causes of emotional dependency. You have to take a deeper look at your emotions, your lack of self-confidence, your needs, and your desires for the future.

Emotional dependency: the role that the past plays

People often ask me, “What does emotionally dependent mean?” The truth is that it’s difficult to define because each person can feel different types of emotions. More often than not, a person’s past will play a role in the root of the problem, and this involves both their upbringing and their past relationships.
Together we are going to study the causes of emotional dependency as well as the solutions that exist for remedying it. I simply recommend that you do not play a role, that you carry out various exercises, and that you answer the questions I will ask you as honestly as you can. This is going to change everything! It’s going to be your main objective for overcoming your painful past so that you can learn how to feel peace again.
What role do a person’s past and upbringing have in terms of emotional dependency?
As I wrote in the introduction, I feel that there are two aspects of a person’s past that will influence their behavior in current romantic relationships. Let’s begin by taking a look at your childhood and the effect it can have on your life today.
No one can deny the fact that if you did not receive enough love, affection, and tenderness as a child, you are going to constantly feel afraid of not being good enough in your current relationships, and you’re going to constantly be searching for approval from other people like your partner, as well as your friends, boss, or colleagues. This is, unfortunately, one of the main things that lead to mistakes made in your love life as you are perpetually undervaluing yourself.
I’d like you to grab a pen and paper and answer these 5 questions:
– Do you feel like you did not receive enough love when you were growing up?
– If you could change one single element in your relationship with your parents, what would it be?
– What would you like to improve in your current platonic relationships?
– What could you start doing today to let go of your past?
– What is the main flaw that is having a negative effect on your life? Come up with an action geared towards overcoming it!
A person’s past relationships are directly linked to being emotionally dependent.
The other thing that has a direct influence on your love life is your past relationships! If you’ve experienced adultery, betrayal, or a relationship with a manipulative narcissist, you’re going to be more inclined to be doubtful about your current relationship. This is perfectly natural because you’re transferring emotions. We often carry what we experienced in past relationships into the current one, but we need to remain aware of the fact that each partner is different.
But this doesn’t mean that people should be exempt from working on breaking the emotional dependency and love-related paranoia so that they can truly feel at ease and positive about their relationship! You can’t save your relationship or get in control of your emotions if you don’t make the effort to reinforce your self-confidence in the long run. This is where personal development (working on yourself to become the best version of yourself) and Love join paths.
You’ve got to stop looking in the rearview mirror… Let go of painful relationships that happened years ago, and of the disappointments that went along with them so that you can focus solely on the present and on the future that you want to have. It’s time to make some concrete decisions. Stop telling yourself, “I want to change but I’ll never be able to.” Remaining positive is one of the most important elements of curing dependency issues in a relationship, and with the help of a professional, you’ll be able to take control of your life. I suggest getting started right away! If you’d like to know more, all you have to do it click here.

I am not confident enough… What do I do?

A lack of self-confidence is at the heart of emotional dependency. Like the majority of the people that I work with, do you feel doubtful about your qualities and you feel like you’re not as good as your partner?
Don’t forget, if you’re in a relationship today it’s because he or she is fully aware of what you bring to the table and wants to be in a relationship with you! There is nothing worse than feeling that your partner is doubtful about your fidelity, and this type of behavior can lead the relationship towards a separation.
So I know what you’re saying to your partner in an attempt to show that you trust him or her, but in reality, you’re afraid that they’re the ones who will be attracted to someone else. I’ve heard this sentence hundreds of times throughout the sessions I’ve had with people suffering from emotional dependency: “I trust myself but I don’t trust others.” When you really think about it, this phrase doesn’t mean anything at all. If you don’t agree, please don’t hesitate to leave a comment below explaining what you think, along with details about your personal situation. I’ll explain why my theory is right!
I’d like to ask you to take matters into your own hands, get back in control of your love life, and work on becoming emotionally self-reliant. To do so, you’re going to have to smile more, work on being more charming in your social interactions, and be less reserved. This will help you to develop your self-confidence. Don’t hesitate to give yourself a makeover to feel more confident about the image you’re presenting, pick up hobbies and actives (both new and old) that bring you joy like sports, going out with friends, or any other passion! Now is the time to find a positive and optimistic state of mind and realize that nothing is worth the serenity of your relationship!
You must no longer live solely for your significant other and for your relationship. You need to have a rich and satisfying personal life. This is how you will begin to remove jealousy and possessiveness from your life.
The more you are able to reinforce your personal life, make sure that you are bringing yourself joy, and truly feel, “My happiness depends on me,” the easier it will be to augment your self-confidence and make your partner see it too, so that your relationship can improve and thrive!

Relationship problems can lead to emotional dependency

The third element that can provide an answer to, “Why am I emotionally dependent” is an issue that is stagnating at the heart of the relationship. It’s important to understand that a relationship that is suffering will result in the fear of losing the person you love… Under these conditions, it is hard for you to tackle conflict when things are going well, and as a result, you feel completely disarmed. What’s more, the more you try to make things better and ease tensions, the more you feel your partner starts to become distant. The reason is simple: You go against your nature and you stop acting like yourself, and the person you love no longer recognizes you.
In this situation it’s perfectly normal to wonder:
– What can I do to stop being emotionally dependent in love?
– How can I get back in control of how I behave in my relationship?
– What kind of reactions can I have that will progressively improve things?
Rest assured, you will find the answers to these questions in the next sections of this article!
Before you dive in, I just wanted to make sure you understand that all relationships go through challenging phases. If you want to save your relationship and learn how to overcome neediness, you’ve got to learn how to put a bit of distance between you!
Contrary to what most people think, taking distance needs to be considered as a concrete action that will help you to clarify your thoughts and make the right decisions based on different situations.
If your relationship is experiencing tensions, your morale is going to be affected on a daily basis. You begin to fixate on it and unfortunately, this leads to some of the most common mistakes. I highly recommend that you take time to focus primarily on a “personal development phase” during which you focus your energy on living life to the fullest. This is the only way you can improve the situation, cure relationship dependency, and improve your relationship at the same time!

How to be emotionally independent

As a result of my professional experience of thousands of hours spent coaching, writing and producing books and audiobooks, I’ve been able to pinpoint a basic need in all people suffering from emotional dependency. As you can see, I am referring to serious suffering, because I know how hard it is to deal with these emotions, and I know how much you’d like this situation to change.
And yet you feel like there is some kind of supernatural force that keeps you from feeling good when you’re not with the person you love, even if they’re just 500 feet away. Very often, you are conscious of your behavior but you’re lacking the essential: solutions for controlling the emotions that are building up inside of you.
In order to illustrate this phenomenon, I want to share something one of my coachees said to me. “My wife is my drug.” You feel like you’re experiencing terrible, uncontrollable withdrawals, and my job consists of offering a plan that you must quickly apply for a few weeks if you want to see results.
Reading just one article on how to be less needy and dependent on your relationship is not going to be enough. You have to take action.

Using force of character to overcome emotional dependence!

To everyone that says that it isn’t easy to fight against it when you’re emotionally dependent, I want to say that you’re completely right, but it’s also true that many people have already succeeded in overcoming this situation.
The biggest difference lies in your strength of character. Would you be able to make an effort today so that you can feel better tomorrow? Do you really want to be set free from this impasse that is making you unhappy? Are you ready to fight for Love?
It isn’t easy for everyone to control their emotions, but each concrete action will provide longterm results and you have to have a strength of character so that you can once again become the ideal partner!

Have a long term vision of love

I am happy to write this article because I’d really like to help you with your desire to change, by explaining that with a longterm vision of your relationship, you’re going to be able to change things. You will be able to make both of you feel happier in your relationship but also ensure that you remain able to keep these negative emotions in check.
If you want to control your emotions, conquer your fears, avoid suffering, and gain self-confidence, you’ve got to implement a strategy over time with the will to want to find inner peace and bring the most joy to your partner.
All of the people that I coach can testify to one thing – if you carry out the right actions over time, you will see more and more positive results and will be able to convince your partner that you’re on the right path. Then you will find that your significant other will start to make positive changes and will start to get closer and closer to you. I often compare this phase of changes to a diet… It’s up to you to remain focused and show a real desire to change.
Don’t listen to TV shows that try to make you think that you just need a few minutes with a love coach to change everything. We all want instant gratification but it isn’t that easy, and what’s more, they never show how the relationship evolves. If you think that you can fix everything with a miracle solution, you risk being very disappointed.

The power of the brain over emotions

In order to get in control of your emotions, I’d like to invite you to carry out this simple exercise every morning. As soon as you wake up, take a paper and divide it into three columns. In the one on the left, draw a little smiley and force yourself to smile as well.
Throughout the day, I want you to think about this little smiley and make yourself smile. In doing so, you’ll begin communicating to your brain, “I have a new state of mind, and now I am living life to the fullest.”
In the middle section, I want you to write a positive, self-motivation phrase. Let’s take, “I am great” or “I am a good person” for example, and I want you to close your eyes, make a ball of your fists, and repeat this phrase to yourself at least five times a day. You will quickly begin to boost your self-confidence with the help of this exercise. It doesn’t seem like much but after about ten days or so you will begin to see significant results.
In the third section, I’d like you to give yourself a mission that will help you to have a good day. Make an effort to step out of your comfort zone, surpass yourself, and always do something that makes you feel good.
By carrying out this exercise that seems so simple, I can guarantee that you’re going to begin conquering your affective dependence and grant yourself serenity! You are great, but you might not be quite aware of that yet and it’s pointless to try to live solely through your partner.

The solutions for being emotionally independent

I’m sure you’ve already come to understand this while reading this article, but when it comes to emotional dependency, it’s crucial that you work on personal development and on the relationship itself. You are in a delicate situation and you’re placing your partner on a pedestal, and unfortunately, your life is revolving around him or her.
In order to overcome dependency issues in relationships, my main suggestion is that you focus on personal development so that you can become the best version of yourself!
In answering these questions you will get a better understanding of how to reach your goal:
– Do you feel like you get enough exercise?
– Are you satisfied with your physique?
– Do you take care of how you present yourself to others?
– Have you given up one of your passions so that you can spend more time with your partner?
– Do you maintain a good relationship with your loved ones and do you continue to see them regularly?
– Do you have personal and professional goals?
As a general rule, the answers to these questions will reveal a source of unhappiness within you that can lead to problems with emotional independence. It is of utmost importance that you regain your self-confidence, that you go out and enjoy life without needing to have your partner by your side.
If you’re able to find a balance between the different aspects of your life (personal, emotional, platonic, familial, and professional), you can create the perfect life!

How to be emotionally independent: Create the perfect schedule!

To take it a step further, I’d like you to create your own schedule (for the next two to three months) so that you can stop being emotionally dependent and get back in control of how your life is developing.
For a few weeks, I recommend that you meet one challenge per day and carry out an action that will help you focus entirely on yourself instead of being emotionally dependent!
Write down what you’ve been doing and what results you’ve been seeing. Even if you feel that it’s hard, don’t give up. Failure isn’t going too slowly; it’s giving up!

Patience is your best friend when you want to stop being emotionally dependent

Without a doubt, patience is going to be your best friend right now. A person can’t overcome emotional dependency within the span of just a few days. It’s a process that is going to take time, but it’s also going to help you to be happier in your daily life.
Really take the time to give yourself missions over the span of a few weeks so that you can become aware of your evolution and the changes you’ve made.
Don’t try to go too fast because this is about personal development, so you have to lay the groundwork to ensure that you no longer make the same mistakes. It isn’t easy to change your behavior, so please – don’t believe everything you see on TV! Real change is going to require some sacrifices.

Now is the time to open up to others!

When you are struggling with effective dependency, and it’s important to understand that this is often cyclical, and you tend to spend more time at home and you stop seeing your loved ones (both friends and family). From this moment on, you become withdrawn and this situation keeps you trapped. It’s a vicious cycle that you need to break starting right now.
In order to find the solution for stopping emotional dependency, I recommend that you take time to reconnect with all the people that used to bring you joy. Don’t ever neglect your friends and family because you need to have balance in your life if you want to be truly happy.
Now is the time to plan nights out and activities that don’t involve your partner. Act fast before it’s too late.

Why can’t you count on your partner?

During a period of emotional neediness, you tend to count on your partner to help you get in control of your emotions and you expect him or her to declare their love for you. In truth, this isn’t going to change the underlying issues. The more he or she reassures you, the more you’re going to want. The snowball effect sets in and it’s crucial that you fight it. When you get to this stage, your partner can start to get frustrated!
And yet, you have to know that your partner feels just as unhappy about not feeling satisfied in the relationship. This is why you have to learn to act and think for yourself. Your partner’s behavior will only change when you’ve adopted the right behavior.
To summarize, you have to first set out to work on your emotions (in relation to yourself) before you focus on your behavior the relationship. The third stage is when you can start thinking about your partner helping you to reinforce your relationship and rekindle the flame.
Don’t rush things. Take your time and don’t lose hope. You will be able to control your emotions despite the negative thoughts that try to pry their way in!
Emotional dependency is an extremely common phenomenon. You’re not the only person who suffers from it, and that is why I wanted to write this article that explores the subject.
If you wish to take matters into your own hands and apply all the right actions, now is the time to do it!
I am wishing you all the best in your love lives!

Sincerely,
Your coach for fighting jealousy, emotional dependency, and possessiveness.

Alexandre CORMONT

7 Comments

  1. Bendangsangla jamir

    First of all thank you for these articles. Yes it’s a process how to overcome from an emotional dependency to independency. It’s not an overnight theory to put it into action. On the other hand Betrayal relationship has again more to do and it takes a longer period of time than the normal break ups. As mentioned above it becomes more difficult to gain trust from the another relationship and we tend to trust only oneself more and scared what if I get cheated again and will not be able to go through the pain that the cheater has inflicted upon. It becomes difficult to be in another relationship because he or she cannot afford the pain when got cheated in the relationship. And the question pops out when to start a new beginning and should one give more time or let the right person comes in one’s life? Or its when giving urself another chance when u are emotionally ready (emotionally independency)

    Reply
  2. Eva

    Merci beaucoup pour vos conseils, ils sont vraiment pratiques

    Reply
  3. Cindy Hinolan Corral

    Your right alex, in my situation now aam very dependable to my long ditance relationship now. Weve been chatting since sept 23. And even 1 day i never skip texting him up to now. Am very vocal how i feel to him and he is also. Maybe am too much attached to him. And i get hurt. Thanjs for your video it do help me realise that i have my life without him. He should chase me and not me. Hope we work this out, he is good man but he dont knowbhow to show his sweetness to me. Thank you Alex. I always watch your video.and advices.

    Reply
  4. Megha

    The time when I really needed it the most.

    Thanks Alex! 🙂

    Reply
  5. Pamela

    Extremely interesting article. I liked the lessons provided. This is a very hard subject but vey necessary as we all from time to time experience this with a partner. Thank you so much for the information

    Reply
  6. Carolyn Peters

    This is exactly what I needed to know to help me feel better when my LDR partner does not call or text as often as I would like. I do have an active social life and hobbies. He told me early on “when I commit I commit”. He chose to start a relationship with me because he said he was attracted to my energy (we met on a Private fb group and not met in person yet, we are 11 hours drive apart). He is not sure when he can come here to meet in person because of several factors. I have a history of abandonment so this old energy crops up from time to time.
    What you have to say about desire, being peaceful and bringing joy to the relationship I feel is so focused and spot on. Thanks so much Alex. You are the best!

    Reply
  7. Lilian

    Wow this is amazing article.
    Yes its so true you need to develop and love yourself first develop your confidence before focusing on man’s behavior. Everything is right you need to reframe yourself to be positive rather than thinking negative that your relationship is not working we really needs patience and work on resolving the issues.
    Thank you so much for this article.

    Reply

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"What if the true definition of love was not what you thought it was?" It’s time to make your own.

Alex Cormont

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