10 Tips on How to Save Your Relationship – The French Relationship Expert
“Alex, could please you tell me how to quickly save my relationship?”
As you can see in the different comments at the end of my articles, this is one of the questions that I am asked on a regular basis. That is the reason why I’ve created this website with the goal of answering all of your queries and providing you with tips and guidelines for knowing how to save your relationship. I know that romantic relationships can have an effect on all aspects of your life.
All of the articles on this site are written with the intention of opening your eyes to the different issues that arise in relationships and the solutions that go along with them. The main goal is to help you rekindle the flame and restore the passion that once existed between you and the person you love. Let’s get started and discover the most powerful tools for overcoming a relationship crisis!
How to save a relationship: The first three tips!
1. You have to change the way you usually do things
2. Communication, exchange, and listening to one another when you’re experiencing a relationship crisis
3. These actions are essential but don’t let your partner walk all over you
After receiving your messages and questions, I wanted to take the time to write this article that will serve as a tool to help you save your relationship and steer clear of a divorce or breakup.
Here you will find my ultimate tips as well as some secrets for making your relationship stronger than ever before. All you have to do is follow the guidelines I’m about to share with you…
For those of you that don’t know me yet, I’ve accompanied thousands of couples since 2007. Some of them were on the brink of separation and some of them were in the thick of a passing issue. Nevertheless, my first piece of advice is always the same:
“If you don’t change things, the situation will only get worse!”
This sentence may seem obvious to you, but it is the foundation of saving a relationship. You’d be surprised at how often even the most basic rules are forgotten or ignored. If you want to help your relationship reach its full potential again, you have to do some introspection and define what actions to set into motion. First and foremost, you’re going to have to step out of your comfort zone and create a place for your desires within your relationship.
When I say “YOUR desires,” I am talking about both yours and those of your partner. You are of course two different people and empathy should be at the heart of your relationship starting today. If you’ve been taking your partner for granted, now is the time to think about what you can do to usher in long-term changes.
There is another aspect to think about in order to save a relationship… I am talking about intimacy and finding mutual satisfaction in the sheets. For many people, this is one of the foundations of relationships. I wouldn’t go that far but I would say that it is a very important element, and if you’d like to know more about how to please your partner, check this out!
Avoid these two things when you want to know how to save your relationship!
When a relationship is starting to fall apart, it is human nature to panic. You fixate on the issues and the slightest thing can turn into a huge fight with serious consequences. The moment you begin to panic, you lose control over the situation. Make sure you avoid letting your fears get the better of you and do your best to stay calm in any situation.
1. How to save my relationship: Stop trying to be perfect!
Under these circumstances, it’s normal that you would want to be the ideal partner and do everything in your power to make sure your partner knows how much you love them. However, in doing so you are only going to affirm your past mistakes, and you might go overboard and end up suffocating him or her. The situation gets out of control and you wrongfully think that you can make things better by acting in this way.
“In order to save a relationship you have to keep things simple!”
Instead of taking your significant other out to dinner at a five-star restaurant or out on an incredible night on the town, put your energy into little things on a daily basis. Before I get into the details, I want to insist on the importance of imagining your relationship as a “small business.” If you don’t have your plan of action (like a business plan), you won’t be able to ensure organized and stable evolution. Don’t make brash decisions because you could end up shooting yourself in the foot.
You need time to overcome relationship problems and if you rush things and don’t figure out what exactly needs to change, you’ll end up hitting a brick wall. It’s like a game of chess – and personalized coaching can help you to guard against surprises and know what to do in real time. With our help, you’ll be able to keep up and put the odds in your favor.
Don’t try to become the perfect partner overnight because this could end up suffocating your partner or rubbing them the wrong way. It’s a surefire way to create tension in the heart of your relationship. Yes, your partner has wants and needs and you do have to work to meet them, but this is done over time, especially when you want them to know that it’s not just a temporary fix. The challenge comes in the form of changing the way your significant other sees you. Rushing things is like flying too close to the sun. When you want to salvage a relationship, you have to take your time, make sure your actions are well-thought-out, and don’t think that time is against you.
2. Trying to save a relationship by focusing on emotions
This is pretty much one of the worst mistakes a person can make in this situation and yet, it is also one of the most common. When the reason is correctly explained, it’s easy to understand why. You think that your partner should be making more of an effort because you love him or her. However, that’s not quite how they see it because feelings have dissipated a bit. You have to focus on what is under your control, so it’s your move, too.
If your relationship is experiencing problems on a daily basis, I recommend paying attention to the words you’re using. Don’t put too much pressure on your partner by constantly expressing your feelings. This is not how you save a relationship. Of course, at times you must let your partner know that the love you feel for them is still there, just don’t do it every single day. It becomes less powerful if they hear it all the time.
Saying, “I love you,” isn’t a magic solution for undoing mistakes or inappropriate behavior. In truth, you need much more than that, and talking about love isn’t really the right tool. If you think that this is going to get you to a compromise, you’re not on the right track.
“Simple communication isn’t going to save your relationship! Actions speak louder than words!”
The majority of the people I coach try to save relationships by constantly repeating, “I love you,” “I am nothing without you,” “You’re the love of my life…” Unfortunately, this is one of the best ways to make a person run in the opposite direction, even if the love is still there! I know it doesn’t make much sense, but as I’m sure you know, love can be quite confusing. The more emotionally dependent you are, the less attractive you will be in your partner’s eyes. There is a reason why the Chase Technique is so important when it comes to seduction… When it comes to relationships it’s a bit more subtle of course, but the principle still applies. If you make it easy for your partner to take you for granted then you no longer represent an exciting challenge.
The person you love wants you to prove that you want things to get better with concrete actions. So starting today, put your words into actions that you carry out on a regular basis. Think of things like smiling, a little caress, a gift, and this extends into your sex life as well. As soon as you finish reading this article, keep this at the forefront of your mind:
“I have to use concrete actions to prove to the person I love that everything is going to change between us because I am going to do everything in my power to ensure that it does. I need to respond to his/her wants and needs.”
To do so, start with an in-depth analysis of the situation. The reason is simple – if you don’t get this right, you risk losing all credibility in your partner’s eyes. When you’re wondering about what can you do to save your relationship,” keep in mind that you have to pinpoint what needs to be improved right away, then think in terms of the long term. To put it simply, you’ve got to be able to prioritize “emergencies” and the desires of the person you love. I can’t give you concrete indications because each person has their own unique set of aspirations and dreams, so you’ve got to elaborate on your own strategy. You’ve got to make sure you know your partner like the back of your hand.
To help you with this delicate task, search your memories for the first criticisms that arose, the first sources of tension, and the way that your partner communicated with you. At this point, communication was still useful. If your partner now puts up walls whenever you try to talk about important matters, it just means that you’ve used up your ammunition. Nevertheless, there are still ways to figure out what your partner expects from you and how to understand him or her.
What does your partner want exactly?
Your relationship has been struggling for a while now and you don’t know how to prove your feelings to the person you love most on this earth. And heads up, what I’m about to ask you might seem absurd. You might fear that your partner will think that you no longer love them if you do this and that it would really be the end… but think about it. Could it be worse than it is today? You’re both suffering. Your relationship is on the brink of separation, so what are you truly afraid of?
Here is why I recommended a powerful action: Learning how to express your feelings only at specific moments and not all the time (like you’ve been doing up until now). Your first goal is to surprise your partner and prove to them that you can make them happy. Once again, I am stressing the importance of actions over words.
This means that you have to start over and create a new foundation for your relationship with your significant other. I’m speaking from experience when I say that it’s the best way to save your relationship. In order to figure out how to proceed, once again you have to search through your memories and remember how you seduced him or her. Even if that was ten, twenty, or thirty years ago, it’s crucial that you remember the beginning. Even after all these years, a person doesn’t change fundamentally.
To give you a hand, I’m going to talk a bit about the needs we all have in romantic relationships (with no distinction between genders, sexual orientation, religion, professional background, etc…)
The importance of validation in Love
We love the idea of being unique in our partner’s eyes and feeling like they need us by their side. To succeed in giving your partner validation, you’ve got to steer clear of going overboard. That way you can concentrate on what they truly want from you.
Everyone adores hearing loving words and getting compliments. It’s completely natural and is even one of the pillars of love. We want our partner to think we’re the cream of the crop and vice versa. The need for validation exists in many different domains, especially when it comes to a person’s career, but it is sometimes the most prevalent in relationships. If you’re wondering how to analyze things, all you have to do is ask yourself one question:
What is the best way to SHOW your partner how much they mean to you?
Saving a relationship: Pinpointing what we both want
Every single human being wants to feel fulfilled and that happens with the help of two things: words and actions. When your relationship is experiencing a crisis, when you need to save your marriage or relationship, you need to respond to deeper needs.
This is why I encourage you to put enough distance between you to ensure that each and every one of your actions will have an impact on your partner. Even the smallest detail is important so make sure you don’t neglect anything. An action plan will take hours and sometimes even days to design. Guidance from a professional is always beneficial and can set you on the right track and help you to avoid making mistakes.
Your partner’s second biggest desire is to feel good and at ease. This essentially consists of focusing on the positives and setting negative moments aside. Don’t bring up past fights because that just twists the knife in the wound. Remember that the psychological effect of this could be devastating because your partner could end up associating you with only fights, tension, and problems… To avoid this phenomenon, there is only one thing to do: let the past remain in the past and from now on, focus on the future. By proposing new things, you’re going to give your relationship a breath of fresh air. Don’t keep bringing up things that make both of you feel awful, especially if things have been tense lately.
The last thing I wanted to talk about is of course the fundamental need to save your relationship, but also something a bit more general, so I decided to write a separate section. We all want to feel ALIVE.
Save your relationship by making sure you both feel ALIVE!
If you want to be happy in your relationship, you need to show your partner that your relationship is alive. Each human being wants to feel like they’re alive and living life to the fullest. If you make this your motto, you’re going to reinforce the love and connection between you and in turn, give your relationship a big boost.
Everybody has wild dreams and you feel alive when you bring them to life. Feeling alive is about doing the craziest things that come to mind and enjoying each moment. If you want your partner to feel fulfilled in the relationship, make sure you don’t neglect this aspect!
This happens by proposing to do new things, going to new places, and not hesitating to set out to discover things that interest you. I bet you understand the goal behind these actions because it doesn’t get any simpler than this! By doing this you’re protecting your relationship from a relationship’s worst enemy…
Are you wondering what that might be? I’m sure you know the answer…
Yes, you guessed it. The Routine. In order to overcome this toxic phenomenon, step off the beaten path and propose setting out to discover new things with your partner. Just be careful to be aware of what your partner likes and dislikes before proposing anything. For example, don’t suggest taking a walk in the forest to someone who hates the outdoors, or a day of shopping to someone who could not care less about the latest styles (unless you’ve got an ulterior motive and would like to give them a confidence boost so that they’ll start taking better care of themselves!)
How to salvage a relationship when your partner wants to separate
Despite your good intentions and the actions that you quickly set into motion, your partner might be fighting you on the subject of staying together. He or she might not even see the effort you’ve been making. In this case, the problems in your relationship might be too complex to fix within the span of a few days or weeks, and you’ll need to be armed with patience.
If you’ve begun to change things, you’re definitely on the right track. Nevertheless, under these circumstances, your efforts will need to be proven over the long term. Your partner needs to be reassured that you will never again make the same mistakes, and if he or she decides to give your relationship another chance, and that there won’t be regrets down the line.
That is exactly why I recommend remaining calm and applying the number 1 rule when you don’t feel like your partner is hearing you out: Taking some distance. It’s essential for ensuring that your partner doesn’t feel oppressed, but also for allowing them to become aware of the changes you’re making.
Sometimes, we have what I like to call the “Diet Effect” in the relationship. Let me explain because this might be surprising. If you’ve already gone on a diet, you’ll know what I’m talking about. When you see someone every single day who is going on a diet, it’s hard to notice that they’re losing weight because the changes are less obvious. That said, if you see this person one month later, you will think, “Wow! You’ve really slimmed down!”
When it comes to love and relationships, the same exact principle comes into play. You make an effort every single day but your significant other doesn’t realize it. The changes aren’t big enough, even you feel like you’ve been doing so much. So if you put a little distance between you, it will be much easier for him or her to notice your actions geared towards saving the relationship.
By changing both internally and externally, and by using the tools and techniques you’ve found in this article, you can quickly rekindle the flame! And then you’re on your way to saving your relationship!
To succeed, practice patience, keep calm, be kind and smile in any situation, and believe in your ability to make your partner happy again!
Best ways to save your relationship
I couldn’t write an article on relationship issues and your need to save yours without taking a moment to remind you that you really do need to work on your personal life as well. Physical and sexual relationships are also important in order to make your partner want to be close with you again, so it’s important that you feel comfortable and confident about your mind and body.
Now is the perfect time to take matters into your own hands and be what you consider to be the ideal partner.
I’ll also ask you to keep smiling because your positive energy will have an effect on your partner and it will make your days more enjoyable. Isn’t it nicer to be around someone who’s in a good mood than someone who’s always crying or brooding?
If today your emotions feel too negative, you’ll see that by following these guidelines you’ll quickly change your state of mind.
The secret to saving your relationship lies in the efforts you will make, their regularity, and making the right choices that will determine your success.