10 signs that you have a bad boyfriend – The French Relationship Expert
Your boyfriend’s behavior lately has got you wondering if you are dating the right guy. In all my years as a coach specialized in love and relationships in Europe and the United States, I’m still surprised at how many people stay in an unhappy relationship with a bad boyfriend. The signs are clear that something needs to change, and get people remain with someone that does not make them happy. Oftentimes the relationship is actually toxic but the person decides to stay because they’re struggling with emotional dependency…
Does your gut tell you that you have a bad boyfriend and that you might not be in the right relationship? Are you unsure?
Don’t worry, because I have written this article for you today so that I could share the top signs of a bad boyfriend. By the end of this piece, you will have a better understanding of what a bad boyfriend really is, the difference between having character flaws and having different ways of expressing love, and what you can do to improve the situation.
What are the signs of a bad boyfriend?
What makes someone a “bad boyfriend?” Is it their actions? Is it their words? To give us a better idea of what we are dealing with here, I’ve put together a summary of the most common things that bad boyfriends do.
1. He never thinks he is wrong or says “I am sorry.”
Sure, we all have varying degrees of pride and sometimes find it hard to apologize, but about a bad boyfriend will never hear you out and will never admit he’s wrong. He won’t even admit he’s wrong when it is the most obvious thing in the world!
Healthy relationships require clear and respectful communication, especially when it comes to problem solving. If your man shuts the conversation down and makes it impossible to resolve the issue, it’s because he’s either too proud or doesn’t care enough to make things right between you.
Be very careful with this because stonewalling can cause serious damage to your mental health and create a toxic relationship.
2. He is not interested in your life.
It feels like you are always the one to reach out and initiate conversation, you are always the one to ask about his day, offer information about yours, tell him about the things that are important to you, you’re always the first one to say “I love you” (or you might be the only one to say
it), you open up about your family… the list could go on and on, but he shows little to no interest. He’s on his phone while you are opening up to him, he never asks you any questions, and he’s never the first to reach out. In fact if you didn’t initiate, days could go by without speaking.
These are pretty bad qualities in a man, but they are not the only ones to look out for!
3. He doesn’t want you to succeed.
He might not explicitly tell you this, but you’ve noticed that he doesn’t react positively when you succeed. In fact, he seems threatened by it or tries to minimize so that it doesn’t seem so important anymore.
What’s worse, he might even make you feel bad about it! For example, you finally got a huge job from one of your most important clients, but all your boyfriend says is, “Cool. I guess I’ll be seeing you even less now.” He should be encouraging you to be the best that you can be, to do, and he should be happy when you are reaching your full potential!
There are a couple different reasons behind this type of behavior. The thought of you being more successful than him might make him feel insecure. Similarly, he might be so possessive that he hates the idea of something other than him making you feel good. Which brings us to #4…
4. He is overly possessive.
Sure, everybody has a bit jealousy in them and it comes out from time to time, but it becomes a big problem when it is excessive. A bad boyfriend will be very possessive and disproportionately jealous. It could be when you’re talking to another guy (in a completely appropriate way), when you’re hanging out with your friends or family, or when you’re succeeding at work…
He doesn’t like you spending time with anyone other than him, and will give you attitude when you do.
This becomes especially problematic when you realize that you are having to change your behavior and cut important elements out of your life just to appease him. Don’t assume that just because you are in a relationship with someone that you should not set good boundaries.
5. He is disrespectful.
“What makes about a bad boyfriend,” you ask? Any disrespectful or degrading behavior. He makes you feel like you don’t have a voice and can’t have an opinion, he calls you names when you argue (or maybe even when you aren’t fighting), he insults you, shares embarrassing information about you other people, and doesn’t make you feel safe and supported in the relationship.
Many people can indeed get carried away and let their emotions get the best of them during an argument, but this behavior can and must be changed. If your man has no intention changing, your relationship is in danger.
6. He often lets you down.
You’ve noticed that he disappoints you on a regular basis. He forgets about things that are important to you, he flakes on plans you’ve made, he goes back on his word and breaks promises, and even when he doesn’t cancel your date, he ends up picking a fight with you that ruins the whole thing.
A couple needs to support one another, so your boyfriend should make you feel that you can turn to him. You should be dependable and there for you.
7. He is unfaithful.
Physical cheating is one of the most obvious warning signs of a bad boyfriend on the planet, but that shouldn’t take away from the emotional cheating. Everybody has their own definition of infidelity, and it is important that you know what that looks like for you. This way you can define appropriate versus inappropriate behavior in the relationship. For example, if he knows that it makes you uncomfortable when he flirts with other women but doesn’t anyway, he is being a bad partner.
Some people’s selfishness outweighs their respect for their significant other….
8. The only affection you get from him comes in the form of sex.
He doesn’t give you any form of physical affection outside of the bedroom. Some people are less tactile than others, but if it seems like he doesn’t even want to be affectionate towards you when you are not in bed, we might have a bad boyfriend on our hands.
On the rare occasions that he is affectionate with you, you were the one who initiated it.
9. You feel like a scapegoat.
He takes out all of his frustrations on you all the time – even for the littlest, most insignificant thing. He’s frustrated at work? He gets mad at you for “Needing to know everything” when you ask him about his day. He makes it your fault when he turns on the wrong street. He blames you when he’s tired in the morning because you “Wouldn’t let him sleep” when in reality you just put your arms around him in an effort to feel close.
He makes you feel terrible over things that he should not, and you find that you have hurt feelings more often than not.
10. You feel anxious all the time.
Sometimes, instead of reading about the definition of a bad boyfriend, all you need to do is listen to your gut. And I mean literally – does your stomach always feel like it’s in knots? Does it seem like your heart is beating too fast (and not in a good way)? Do you feel like you are full of anxiety when you’re together?
When your boyfriend treats you badly, you will sense it in your mind but also physically, in your body.
Is he is a terrible boyfriend or do you speak different Love Languages?”
You may not be familiar with the concept of love languages, so I want to give you a brief summary. Every single person has a different way of communicating their love. Every so often, two people begin a relationship and love each other very much, but are faced with challenges when it turns out that they express this love in very different ways. One person might need to be told that they are loved on a regular basis, whereas the other person might need to be shown that they are loved through thoughtful gestures on a regular basis. When they do not receive these things, they become frustrated and wonder if they chose the right person.
If you read the signs of a bad boyfriend that I outlined above and found that they didn’t really resonate with you and your situation, I’d like you to think about the concept of Love Languages.
You might not be thinking, “I have a shitty boyfriend,” (pardon my French) but you are dissatisfied with your relationship right now and your relationship doesn’t feel good. So might actually have a good boyfriend, but the issue at hand might actually be the way that you two are communicating your love for one another.
The five love languages as explained by author Gary Chapman in his book are as follows:
1. Gift giving
2. Quality time
3. Words of affirmation
4. Acts of service (devotion)
5. Physical touch
Like I said, every single one of us has a different way of perceiving and communicating love. For example, a person whose love language is “gift giving” responds most positively to thoughtful gestures in the form of gifts that reflect that you know and care about them. A person whose love language is “quality time,” will care most about spending some good time alone with the person they love. “Words of affirmation” are things that you say to your partner that reflect how much you love them. “Acts of service” are also gestures that show that you want to help your boyfriend and care about his wellbeing. “Physical touch” is pretty straightforward – someone who responds best to physical touch will want affection and touch. I highly recommend you read this book because it will help you understand how you and your boyfriend love.
It’s up to you to be perceptive of what your partner responds best to and be open to good communication about how to make each other happy. By the way, you don’t have to stick to just one of these means of communicating your feelings! If you want to give him a thoughtful gift and tell him how much he means to you AND tenderly kiss his cheek when you wake up, go for it! Just make sure you don’t neglect what he responds best to, and he should be doing exactly the same things for you based on your love language.
When you experience an issue in your relationship, instead of letting tempers get out of control you’re going to have to work on discussing the problem in a mature and constructive fashion. Instead of pointing fingers, blaming and yelling, work on getting through issues as a team. If both of you are always on attack mode, neither of you will be happy and tensions will inevitably build.
If you feel that your relationship is going through a crisis and you need a helping hand, don’t hesitate to reach out to me or a member of my team by clicking here. There is a solution to every problem!
What do you do if you have a bad boyfriend?
As I said, communication will be your best friend right now. Depending on how tense things are right now, you can start with putting a little bit of space between you. You don’t have to use full-blown radio silence, but allow for tempers to cool and thoughts to be organized. That way, you can present what you want to talk about in a calm and collected fashion. You can even write it down in a letter to your boyfriend and offer solutions to the issue at hand. Try to avoid pointing fingers and focus on constructive criticism coupled with long-term solutions that can make both of you happy.
As each relationship is unique and these problems can be tiresome and confusing, you might have a lot of questions. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to me for coaching! Together we can work on making a boyfriend boyfriend good!
I wish you good luck and all the best,
Your coach for knowing how to deal with a bad boyfriend,