How to understand a man: 3 Pro tips!
I get it. Men act so strange when it comes to relationships and it can be really challenging to figure out how to understand a man. The majority of the time, you meet a guy that pursues you, shows you his interest, makes an effort to see you and spend time with you, and tells you how he feels, only to become distant a few weeks or months down the line. Then he tells you, “Oh, I’m sorry, I’m just not ready for a relationship.”
I coach so many women every single day, and not only do I know how confusing and frustrating this type of thing can be, but I can tell you that this is an extremely common issue. The thing is, there is a recurring mistake that I see my clients making, so I wanted to write this article for you today. It’s such a simple thing, and yet it’s the reason behind so much frustration in your love life!
I will give you three tips that will help you to get a better understanding of the man you’ve been seeing and help you to get back in control of the situation. You got this, ladies!
How to understand a man by changing one thing
What I am about to say might sound a bit counterintuitive, but I can assure you that it’s the truth.
When a person comes to me for help with understanding men, I always explain that there needs to be a shift in their focus. Simply put, when you want to figure out how to make him want you more, you should NOT be fixating on how to understand him! You should not be trying to understand what he needs in order to be happy or bending over backward to please him.
Why? Well, the reason is simple. Instead of making him see you in an attractive light and therefore making him want to get closer to you, you’ll be the one chasing him. This, as you can imagine, paints you in a negative light and makes it easy for him to take you for granted. It will make you act needy, it will make you depend on him for all the answers, and it will throw off the balance of power in the relationship – especially if it’s a budding relationship!
You don’t want to run the risk of being predictable. One of the things I tell my clients all the time when they ask me about how to understand men is that they want to be surprised. They want to be caught off guard, and this is especially important because it’s the perfect way to create a new emotion. Think about it this way. Do you remember the last time you tried something new? I bet you didn’t expect to have such a great experience, but you ended up wanting to tell your friends all about it. Maybe it was that time you tried surfing, or when you had Ethiopian food for the first time. We, as human beings, love to be surprised and to experience things that feel fresh and new. So, why am I telling you all of this?
Well, one of the keys to understanding a man in order to help a relationship develop is to know that men want a woman who will bring something special into his life. And this is where we get into the good stuff…
How to understand men: The importance of self-confidence!
Ladies, it’s all about self-confidence. It’s all about trusting your personality, knowing what you bring to the table, and knowing that you have so much to offer! You’re fun, you’re unique, you’re interesting, you’re funny, and you DO have all the qualities that a man looks for in a serious partner. The thing is, the moment you start fixating on what HE wants, you’re going to start acting like everyone else he’s dated. He doesn’t want a woman who’s going to lose track of her own life when he starts dating her; he wants a woman who will continue to attract him by being the woman he fell for in the beginning.
We want him to understand that YOU are special. You’re in control of way more than you might realize, and now we need to switch your focus from trying to understand him to trying to create new emotions in him. This is where human nature comes into play.
Every single man is looking for someone who can inspire them. Men are competitive by nature, and want to feel like they have the best, the most unique, something that everyone else wants… and this is why it’s so important for you to be confident.
If you feel like your self-confidence is lacking a little bit, I highly encourage you to make some changes in your life that make you start feeling more confident. Give yourself goals to work towards because confidence comes from a sense of accomplishment. Define short-term and long-term goals that you can work towards each week, get physically active, update your look, spend plenty of time with people that bring you joy, and make sure your schedule is full of activities that make you genuinely happy. This is how you’re going to attract him like a moth to a flame. So again, if you want to understand a man and figure out what he wants, you have to remember that it’s all gonna be about you feeling confident and fulfilled by your own life, and then his attraction to you will be sparked. Remember that men want to fight for a prize, so you can’t be available to him 24/7. Otherwise, he will take you for granted.
Sadly, this is how human beings work. I know it’s insane, but when we feel like something belongs to us or that it’s readily available at all times, we take it for granted and lose interest after a while. So if you want to understand what men want, be a challenge, be busy, consciously work on becoming the absolute best version of yourself, and watch your self-confidence grow. The best part is that you’re 100% in control of this!
Now, let’s take a look at three things that you can do that will help you to get a better idea of how this man feels about you.
Understanding men in relationships: The 3 keys
I know that sometimes it’s hard to understand men because our words don’t match our actions, and this is when you end up feeling sad and confused. This is also when it becomes dangerously easy for you to fall into emotional dependency, which is definitely something we want to avoid! So if you really want to understand this guy, there are three things to keep in mind.
1. Look at his ACTIONS
A man’s actions should always take precedence over his words. So many guys will tell you that they miss you, they want you, they love you… But then they don’t make any plans with you. Or they call you up at 2 am for a booty call! Again, this is not something that we want. Instead, pay attention to what he does to show you that he cares for you. Does he go out of his way to talk to you and see you? Does he try to surprise you? Does he show you his love?
2. Factor in a man’s education in love
In our society, men are not taught how to express their emotions. In fact, for the vast majority of men, it’s very difficult to express our feelings. I have coached so many women who have said, “Alex, I am dating the most wonderful guy. He gives me attention, he is always doing things to make me happy, he’s always in contact with me, but he never tells me how he feels!” I always bring their attention back to the guy’s actions because this is so common. Sometimes it’s not the man’s fault – he just doesn’t know how to express his emotions through words! And sometimes, unfortunately, you’re dating a jerk. This is why it’s so important to pay attention to what he does to make you feel important.
3. Every man wants a challenge
I mentioned this above, but every human being, and notably men, are attracted to a challenge. If you give him too much, he’ll become distant. When you pull back, he’ll come to you. Though it might seem like a game, it isn’t. It’s just about understanding male psychology and approaching the relationship in the most productive way.
Don’t worry ladies, you have all the tools at your disposal. You’re going to make this guy fall head over heels in love with you!
I sincerely wish you all the best in love,
Your French relationship coach,