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Stop Chasing Him: Expert Secrets To Attract A Guy!

by | January 14th 2019 | 44 comments

One lucky guy has captured your attention. You get those butterflies whenever you think about him, and your heart seems to beat faster when you’re around him! You can’t get him out of your head, and you catch yourself daydreaming about kissing him all the time. Needless to say, you’ve got a full blown crush on this guy! So you want to get closer to him. You feel like there is some serious potential between you. Perhaps the guy in question is actually your ex boyfriend, and you’ve been trying to show him that you want to give the relationship another shot!

You’ve been putting yourself out there, showing interest, and you haven’t been afraid to make the first move. Hats off to you! The only problem is that it doesn’t seem to be getting you the results you want… Why is that? In this article, I am going to explain what’s going on here and what you can change to get the results you want. I encourage you to stop chasing him and see what happens, and you will see why in a moment!

It’s scary because you feel like you’re going to miss an opportunity with this person if you stop chasing him, but you are going to see that the more suffocated a person feels, the less they will want to be around you! There is a balance to be found, so let’s dive into what that looks like!

Why chasing a guy gets you further away from your goal

As human beings, we always want to get closer to our goals. We want to feel like we are in control, and we want to be rewarded for our behavior. This is true for both men and women, and it’s a very important element to take into consideration when you want to make someone pursue you, invest in a relationship with you, or show more interest.

I know that right now you’re probably fed up of not getting the results you have been hoping for. Why isn’t he reciprocating? Why isn’t he reaching out to you as much as you would like or as much as he used to? Does it feel like he’s ignoring you…? You might even be so fed up that you’re ready to just stop chasing him and see what happens, and that’s actually great!

You see, we human beings have a very interesting characteristic. In order for us to truly value something, to truly want to hold on to it and cherish it, we have to feel like we were rewarded with it. This means that more often than not, when we value something, we had to work for it.

So think about it this way, are you presenting an interesting challenge to this man? Or are you handing him all of you on a silver platter?

When you chase him, he doesn’t have to do anything. You’re at his beck and call, he knows that he can get something from you whenever he feels like it, and the result is that your value decreases in his eyes. I know that that isn’t pleasant to hear, but I want you to see why it’s so important to stop pursuing him excessively.

Ok, so am I saying that you need to pull out the big guns and start using the no contact rule? Well, all of that is going to depend on your situation. Are you trying to get back with your ex and have you been blowing up his phone day and night? If so, yes, this tool could be useful for you. Are we talking about the guy that you’ve developed serious feelings for? Then no, complete radio silence isn’t the way to go. If you’ve been overdoing it and he has reason to feel suffocated, you just need to take it down a few notches.

In both cases, you need to take your focus off of this guy and put it on yourself…

Stop chasing him and see what happens!

The natural process of human behaviors comes down to logic and the way that human beings operate. I spent years studying the human mind, and you know the term “you always want what you can’t have”? Well, this goes a little like this. Let me breakdown the reasons why as humans we are naturally attracted to something we don’t have. It’s because it burns our curiosity and gets us thinking on another level about the person we once had. Now, when you spend years, months, or days chasing a man, he knows that he has everything he wants and unfortunately he does not see the value in you yet. These actions get a man thinking that she’s not the one. When a man believes that it’s because there may have been some red flags that were presented in the relationship or it was too easy that he is blinded by what is special about you. The best thing you can do moving forward is <strong>stop chasing him</strong>. When you start focusing on you, instead of him, making your life better and concentrate on the things that make you happy. Naturally, if there is a connection, he will come back. The key here is not to drive him away for good. Let this man start to pursue you a bit if he is interested in trying things out again. This is the best way to see someone intentions for you and the healthiest way to understand yourself without putting your self-dignity before anyone else.

How to stop chasing him and spark his interest

As I was saying, it’s time to stop chasing him and see what happens. But how do you do that? Well, it all starts in the mind. I want you to remind yourself that you do not need to be chasing anyone. If you can be the best version of yourself, you will see that the right for you is going to be attracted to you. If you do this, you’ll no longer be feeling tired of chasing him, you’ll be feeling like you’re living your best life and see that you’ll begin to attract people like moths to a flame!

How does that work, you ask? Well, chasing a guy means that you’re pursuing him and he’s moving in the opposite direction. So we need to have youHow to stop chasing him stop moving towards him and have him change directions so that he begins to move towards you.

The way to do this is to take all the energy you’ve been pouring into chasing him – all the time you spend thinking about what to send him to get his attention, what to say to him the next time you see him, how you should dress, how you should act, and how to make him chase you again – and start thinking about the things that bring joy to your life. Which ones of your friends make you the happiest? Hang out with them more often. What are some places you’ve been meaning to check out? Go there with these friends! What activities look fun that you’ve never tried? Now is the time! Are you interested in any night courses, meet ups, or weekend getaways? Start planning!

I want you to make your life look more appealing to someone than it has ever looked. The goal is to boost your self confidence, and to inspire this guy to want to be a part of your life. Simply put, you want to give him more reasons to want to get closer to you!

I also want you to think about your appearance. What image are you communicating to this guy? If you don’t already, spend time at the gym getting your endorphins flowing while you feel better and better about your body.

Post pictures on social media of all the fun and exciting things you are doing and make sure you show how happy you are! Think about what type of clothing looks the most flattering on you, without needing to be scantily clad around him. You don’t want to look desperate!

You need to become a challenge!

Like I was saying before. A man will know when he wants to pursue you and also a man wants to see something special. What will make you unique is if you stop chasing him? If he is looking to play the field, and not settle down then whatever you do may not be as convincing until he is done doing this. Time can be our best friend but also our worse enemy.
That’s why it’s so essential for you to understand that you will need to keep focused on your goals, and the things that make you happy. If you’re laser-focused on this man and he has a reason for backing away then it’s important you stay true to what you want in your life. Take this time to re-evaluate who this man is and why you like him. If you decide to still try things with him, then I suggest that you wait and let him come to you and then you can showcase new change.

To summarize, just stop chasing him and see what happens!

You don’t need to cut him out or ignore him completely. I am saying that you don’t need to go out of your way all the time to initiation conversations, propose seeing each other, and do everything in your power to ensure that he knows you like him.

You don’t need to be readily available at his beck and call, and if he proposes doing something together, you shouldn’t cancel your preexisting plans in order to see him. You can suggest another day! You’ve got your own thing going on and your world does not revolve around him.

If he feels like he’s the only thing you care about, he’s going to lose interest. There is no challenge, there is nothing to work towards. Think of yourself as a prize!

I know that this sounds a lot like power play, but there needs to be give and take in any relationship. You can’t be the only one giving while he’s just getting whatever he wants, WHILE getting bored of it! If you’d like more information on how to get a man to pursue you, I encourage you to click HERE!

Wishing you all the best in life and love,

Your coach for knowing how to stop chasing a guy,

Alex Cormont


  1. Bilkisu bebi Musa

    So awesome , I’m really feeling more mature due to your write ups. Thank you and God bless you.

    • Alex Cormont

      My pleasure to help you. It’s important to stop chasing him!

    • Liz

      Hi,am in a reltionship with a guy,where i always start the conversation.tjis atrical can help me but i still need some more strong bullet to help me to stop chasing him.

    • Alex Cormont

      Hello Liz,
      Focus on your goals and happiness. Do not depend on anyone else for your own internal happiness. Do things that make you happy and use this time to focus on you. A man that wants to be with you will initiate with you.

    • Love

      Hello I’m with a guy that I mostly the one initiate everythig but he act arrogant sometimes and when I ignore him he ignore me back but he craves the attention again and when I give it back he is amazing all loving but by time I get bored I want him to show me love he set back like king

    • Tina

      Seriously, the boys my age are so trashy, they drink, smoke, do things behind your back. Ridiculous! I’ve been super fed up from little to no return even from nice boys. Later on they too take on poor habits. Not fair, to be treated like that. young boys are so reckless, they don’t even know you they are. Plus, why do these horrible boys even exist if they don’t learn to become mature?

      The older a man gets, the more mature and respectful he becomes.

      I’m going to focus on my own self, at all times. Enough is enough.

    • Nan

      I have a disability and it’s really hard to keep a guy for very long. Usually they say all the right things, use me, and then tell me that I’m just not really “long term” material. Like I will never be good enough to be more than a one or two night stand. Do you have any advice for me to help myself be seen as more “long term” material, even despite my disability? I know I am a smart, and pretty girl and very successful in academics and just about every other area of my life except this. My disability is not even visible, but for some reason it’s always brought up by then as the reason. And I know I should never lie about not having it, because eventually it will be known. I just feel super lonely and often put way more effort than any girl should for lazy, mean guys that don’t value me. Please help! I’ll try anything, because I’m ready to improve myself and my love life. I’m 22 and a professional childcare worker if this info helps.

  2. Ruby

    I have tried it once..but after one n half month when I asked my bf to restart our love he said im not interested to marry you..I was desperate,I chased him every day and got tired.Now again I started to keep a no contact rule.but I’m afraid wether it will work out.

  3. Ruby

    I do believe that he loves me so much and i look forward for a positive result 😊😍

    • Alex Cormont

      Amazing! Sending you positivity!

    • Marianne Bartholomew

      Hi alex.. I really like to read all the advice here in frenchrelationshipexpert.. Right now i just know a foreigner guy from Australia 3 months ago.. The question is.. He sometimes call and text me if he is not busy.. He never say i love you.. Care about me or etc.. Unless i ask him then he will say a sweet romantic words……i also don’t know if he is really like me or not.. Even he had said it to me.. I’m not simply trust man…when he calls me.. He always ask what I’m wearing.. And also ask a dirty words.. Hope alex understand my question..

  4. Janet

    This is EXACTLY what I needed to hear!! Thank you!

    • Alex Cormont

      You’re welcome and thank you for reading my blog about stop chasing him. 🙂 Wishing you the best!

    • Angel


  5. Kim MILLER

    Hi i have a unique situation i fell in ,love with someone i was just supposed to be friends with benefits with years ago. He has never forgiven me deep down nor myself . So yes i appologized already before i left becausecsomething happened in my life to make me realize how i deeply screwed him up years ago and yes i have been chasing him to talk . So do i still not texted
    r call him . I am away for a week and texted said i would texted when i gt back to talk should ? Also have to see him next Tuesday nt no matter what

    • Alex Cormont

      Hi Kim,
      I would need more information to better understand your situation. I would recommend booking a session so we can discuss your next steps.

    • Mimi

      Am in this terrible situation right now. I was introduced to this guy by a friend and since then we have been communicating. But because we are from different countries and the Covid 19 pandemic we were unable to see ourselves.
      So invited me to his country and paid my flights, although I also paid some expenses. So right now am there with him but things are not getting well between the two of us. Am just praying for my date of returning back home cos I don’t think he loves me, he complains over little things, he has mood swings. He never take me out and even the first time we went out he was complaining that I was coming closer to him. As a matter of fact I don’t feel loved. And I don’t think I love him too as am regretting coming to meet him. Please what should I do now as I wait for my flight date to return back home?
      Thank you I found your articles and advise very interested

  6. Krista

    Thanks for this Alex. When we are together we feel the chemistry and interest. However he seems like the kind of man who is shy and not as assertive. Even though he asked me out and set up two nice dates. And now he’s being distant and He says I should call him or make plans because he’s been so busy and doesn’t want to think about what to do (we’ve been dating for a month). I just feel uncomfortable doing that when he barely calls me and checks in every 3/4 days.

    • Alex Cormont

      Hi Krista,
      Have you tried to set something up before? I think there is nothing wrong with trying to set a date up and see how he likes it. I just wouldn’t recommend for you to do this all the time. He needs to put in the effort to. There is nothing wrong with you putting in some effort as well to meet halfway. Let me know how it goes and thanks for reading my blog about “stop chasing him”.

  7. JJ

    How do u book a session with you?

  8. Baby girl.

    Thank you very much for this article, I’ve been attracted to this man, we went on few dates before he left the country for his masters degrees overseas, he seems so perfect, he helped me scale through my previous break up, He cares for me,ny dreams, well being and all, But I sense that he’s trying not to get attached to me, he doesn’t want to fall completely in love with me. I’m trying not to chase him so I’d just leave him and focus on my dreams, I want to get a degree too.

    • Alex Cormont

      Thank you for reading my blog, Stop Chasing Him. It sounds like you had a few amazing dates with this gentleman that is now overseas working on his Master Degree. I’m glad he was someone that cared for you and helped you through a previous breakup. He appears to be focused on his goal at this moment. I applaud you, for also wanting to focus on your dream of obtaining your degree. Take this time to work on yourself.

    • Sonya

      I have been seeing a guy for a few weeks, initially he was very interested and initiated dates etc, then when I showed the same level of interest back he became more distant. He is always lovely when I see him, we have a lot in common and get on really well, better than any guy I’ve ever met. I have decided to try no contact but have heard nothing for a few days now. Should I continue or should I reach out?

    • Alex Cormont

      Hi Miken,
      Thank you for reading this article. Hello to Delta Airlines.

  9. Amy

    What is the best way to chase off a Frenchman? We’ve been in an on/off long distance relationship for 7 years and I’m tired of the back and forth. He’s very good looking and has been desperately trying to win me over so he usually succeeds for awhile, but we are wrong for each other and become very unhappy when we’re together for too long. He says he can never get over me. I’m sure that’s not true and looking for some advice.

    • Alex Cormont

      Hi Amy,
      Thank you for reading my blog, Stop Chasing Him. I recommend you be honest with him and let him know you are tired of the back and forth in the relationship. I think you have to set some boundaries and be clear of what you want from him. Like you said, it has been 7 years and you know you are wrong for each other.

    • Traci

      Thank you Alex for all the articles and videos. You are amazing. I wish I could afford a coaching session. My best guy friend of three years asked me to be his girlfriend twice and I love him very much but I wasn’t ready due to personal problems. I’ve been better since September of last year but still wanted to wait some more time. He met someone else in December and they have been together since. He has never been the same, started to neglect me, and our friendship and I am really hurt. I am happy for him because I love him unconditionally, I want him to be happy even if it is not with me, but I’ve lost my best friend and the love of my life. What do I do?

  10. Reese

    Bonjour Alex,

    Amazing post. Thank you. Would this also work with a guy I started seeing hoping we would date.
    In 5 weeks we went on 6 dates. But He calls or messages everyday. I am always available to talk and message.I feel I screwed up 2 weeks ago and again last Thursday I told him that I needed to see him more often.
    I haven’t (and he hasn’t) called me since. Is it too late? Can I use your tactic and get him interested again?

    • Alex Cormont

      Hi Reese,
      Thank you for reading my blog, Stop Chasing him. Yes you can use these tactics to try to get him interested again Just be careful you don’t want him to think you are being needy and clingy.

  11. Flora

    Hi, I like this guy who is in his late 30s and I’m in late 20s. We went on date 3 times since Apr. He came to this party at the end of last month, which I organised and he met many of my friends. After this party, I said I’d like to see him again and he said he does too. I dont know whether he was just saying that to make me feel better. I also told him that I like him but I dont think he took this seriously.
    The thing is he is currenly working in a very busy environemt so if I tell him that I want to see him then I’m afraid that he might get annoyed. He doesnt like texting nor do I but I’m the one who alsways initiate the conversation. Is it because he is shy? I dont know..
    I’m afraid that he might not text me, ever if I wait doing nothing, Our last texting was 2 weeks ago. Should I tell him that I want to see him? or I just wait and pray?

  12. Sarah

    Hi Alex!
    If I came on too strong with a decent guy I really liked, told him I was into him, and he said he needed to take a step back ….. how can I salvage it?

    • Alex Cormont

      Hi Sarah,
      Thank you for reading this blog and for reaching out. It can be difficult when you express your feelings and they are not being reciprocated. In order to give you advice on how to salvage this, I need to know more about you and the relationship. If you are interested in a private coaching session tailored to your needs here is my link; https://www.frenchrelationshipexpert.com/coaching/

  13. Cassie

    Hi Alex, does this tend to work when the women broke up with the guy, rather than the other way around? It was a short-term relationship but we were friends for a year first and I never saw this ending coming. It was a very hot-and-cold relationship from his side from almost the beginning. As a result, I’d already stepped back twice but we talked and ‘resolved’ it each time. I finally broke up with him when he said he loved me, because I got scared by how he could say this when his commitment level had been so low, especially after ignoring me for a week before that. I was afraid of being hurt. He’s ignored me for 3 weeks now.

    • Alex Cormont

      Hi Cassie,
      Thank you for reading my blog, so glad you found it helpful. Stay strong and focused. You deserve to be in a happy and healthy relationship.

    • Shar

      My husband and I lived together for 23 years. Since we moved to our hometown 10 years now, he walk out for months and goes amongst his relatives: father, siblings, and be unfaithful with many different people. How do I get my husband to return home and stop this behavior?
      And advice for myself and well-being also.
      Urgently need guidance and help!!

  14. Shar

    My husband and I lived together for 23 years. Since we moved to our hometown 10 years now, he walk out for months and goes amongst his relatives: father, siblings, and be unfaithful with many different people. How do I get my husband to return home and stop this behavior?
    And advice for myself and well-being also.
    Urgently need guidance and help!!

  15. Candice

    Hi Alex,

    I’m 36 divorced and the guy I’m seeing is 44 never married and with no kids.

    We are seeing each other 2-3 times week for 10 months and it feels like a relationship (we cook together, he stays at my place, etc) but when I ask if we have a relationship, he always answer that he needs time.

    We had broke up several times but he is still coming back asking for a chance. He always said I’m his dream woman and loosing me would be his biggest mistake… At the other side he is not giving the stability I want. I stop chasing him this week to see if he is really serious or not.

    How long should I wait to see if he is interested before ending this definitely?

  16. Leah Chatky

    Last year I met someone really great. We went on about 6 dates throughout and I knew he wanted something serious. To me he was perfect but something was stopping me from going further with him. We didn’t even kiss. I was out of the country for 2 months and he waited. I wanted more but I couldn’t at that time. Now I am in therapy and understanding things about myself better. I do and say things impulsively and regret them later. I have realised he actually had an impact on me and I want a second chance. I texted him on impulse and asked for a second chance. At first he seemed keen. He said he would want to put sex on the table and progress further. I was fine with it and let him know that just sex is not what I want. I’d want more than that. I think it got lost in communication. I told him I would wait and hope that if an opportunity opened, maybe he would consider giving us a chance again. He never replied back. I fucked up and I know I was bad at communicating it with him from start. Now he has probably moved on and I am stuck

  17. Susanne

    So, i am quite confused when it comes to my relationship with my guy. We text everyday, with no specific order of whom contacts whom first, like he sees something that reminds him of me and he will text or just asks how my day goes etc.. he is quite busy with his job, so he is not the person who would suggest to get together, but always tell me you’re always more than welcome to come over anytime, so i kind of have to initiate plans that he always accepts… and when we are together, the focus is all on me, no phone nothing at all.. he says i always want to see u, i always want to spend time with you, and makes me feel special when i am with him, but he doesnt open up emotionally or initiate plans (rarely)

  18. Mandy

    I’ve moved my life to be with a guy who I’ve known for many years, he now says he’s not ready because of his kids. I’m in complete shock. He’s now stopped all contact but has my key and has told me he loves me. So I’m devastated. Do I do no contact, stay active on social media even though he’s blocked me and add single to my status? I’m currently stopped texting or phoning him. Please advice.

  19. Emily

    I’m a little confused because if I ignore him then that means that I don’t respond to his message? And If I don’t talk to him for a day or two, I don’t want him to think that I ghosted him. we usually talk everyday but I’m the one who initiates the conversations it seems like and he always reply’s right away but he sucks at carrying on the conversation. I want him to take more of an initiative in getting to know me and I’m confused because he also tells my friends that he’s interested in me but isn’t as direct with me about it, which I don’t know if he acts like that because maybe he’s shy and doesn’t know what he wants. I’m just really annoyed and I don’t know what I’m doing.

  20. Adelene

    ok très bien. Je vois déjà le problème … C’est un homme bon et il vous aime beaucoup. Il veut passer le reste de sa vie avec vous. Mais son cœur avait été changé pour travailler contre vous. Une force spirituelle forte le contrôle contre vous. Cette force est provoquée par une femme mais peut être annulée et votre homme vous contactera et vous passerez le reste de votre vie ensemble. Je vois aussi un avenir heureux et lumineux entre vous deux.

    Nous devons travailler ensemble pour archiver cela. Êtes-vous prêt?

  21. marwa

    hi i am pharmacist 34 in relation ship with man at first he was so good very good texting every day hang out every day then his father died and i was with him he didn’t changed at the first week of death but after that became very strange not talking or texting i saw him 2 months ago his word became weird like you have not to make me your priority hang out with your friends how to stop contacting him i need steps.
    should i block him


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"What if the true definition of love was not what you thought it was?" It’s time to make your own.

Alex Cormont

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