He’s not ready for a relationship: What do I do?!
So you’ve met this guy, and everything has been going great. You have so much in common, you have been having so much fun together, and you’ve started to develop serious feelings for him. It has the makings of a perfect relationship but you have come to find out that he’s not ready for a relationship. It feels like a slap in the face because this was not what you were expecting to hear at all.
Why doesn’t he want to be in a relationship? Is it you or does it have to do with something that he’s dealing with personally? Is there anything you can do to change the situation? And most importantly, should you fight for him?
I know how frustrating this can be, especially when you thought that things were starting to become more serious between you. I have coached many women who have been in this exact situation, so I think that an article on the subject could be very useful to you. I will be going over what it means when a guy says he’s not ready for a relationship, and what exactly you can do about it. From now on, he’s not going to be the one who’s calling the shots ladies, it’s going to be YOU!
Why he’s not ready for a relationship
At the beginning when you first started dating, this guy was pursuing you. He was texting you, calling you, asking you out on dates and making you feel like he only had eyes for you. But a few months (or maybe even weeks) down the line, you find out that he’s not ready for a relationship. What? Why?!
Perhaps he says it’s because he was hurt by an ex-girlfriend who cheated on him and now he doesn’t feel ready to be in another relationship, perhaps he’s saying he doesn’t know what he wants, or perhaps he hasn’t even given you a concrete reason. He just doesn’t want to be boyfriend-girlfriend.
So what do you do?
I can tell you that most often when a woman reaches out to me for help saying “He said he is not ready for a relationship,” she wants to fight for him. She wants to get the guy, show him that he could be happy with her so she wants to give him everything and do everything for him. She wants him to know that she’s the one for him so she wants to give him her time, her attention, her body, her energy, her time… But here’s the problem. When you do this, the guy will pull away and tell you that he is not ready. He might also add that he doesn’t want to lose you and that he has feelings for you… just not enough for him to want to commit to a serious relationship with you.
Ladies, when a guy says he’s not ready for a relationship and this is happening, you’re doing it wrong.
If a man doesn’t want to commit, it’s not because of his past, it’s not because he isn’t ready… It’s because he’s come to understand that you’re readily available to him and there is no challenge anymore. He knows that you want him, and this puts you in a weaker position and makes him feel that he can take you for granted. Sometimes this happens on an entirely subconscious level in a man but the facts remain the same: you are getting the short end of the stick and you deserve better.
There are also cases in which a man will feel that he’s not ready for a relationship because the relationship developed too fast. This happens when you give him too much, too soon and he winds up thinking that he can do whatever he wants. Think about it this way: if he has all the elements of a relationship without having to put a label on it, why would he want to commit?
Guys are typically afraid of commitment because they’re worried that they’ll lose their freedom and their independence. So, to give you an overview, here are the main reasons behind why a guy will say he’s not ready for a relationship:
1. He knows that you want him and the challenge is gone
2. The relationship developed too fast and now he’s scared to lose his freedom or wind up getting hurt
3. He wants to keep you as an option but still wants to meet other girls
The thing that’s crazy is that men can set the tempo in how relationships develop! In the beginning, they do everything to make you fall for them and then suddenly “they’re not ready for a relationship.” In addition, to be extremely confusing, it can be incredibly frustrating. You want to know what happened. In truth, it’s simple. He was falling for you and he was pursuing you because he had you on the pedestal. Then one day something happened. Maybe you fell in love with him, perhaps you told him how you feel or wanted to spend more time together, and then just like that you were no longer on the pedestal.
But if there is one thing you take from this article, let it be this: Even if a man tells you he is not ready for a relationship, you have absolutely NOTHING to prove to him! The #1 mistake I see women doing is putting themselves in a position where they think they need to prove to the guy that they’re worth it. Unfortunately, the only thing that happens, as a result, is that it makes them look needy and puts them in a position of lesser power. They become less attractive in the eyes of the man and the whole situation becomes worse.
Don’t worry, though. I have solutions…
He says he’s not ready for a relationship right now: Here’s what to do
Here’s the biggest thing: No sex!
When a guy says he’s not ready for a relationship, don’t sleep with him and stop being physically intimate. Yes, that means no kissing either. Again, if you give him all the elements of a relationship without him having to commit to one, he can just use you. Instead, you need to come back as a challenge. As soon as he sees you as The Prize again, he’ll be afraid of losing you and will want to get closer.
The next thing I want you to do is to only accept his invitations to hang out if he’s proposing something new and interesting. Going out for drinks or dinner is not interesting – you can do that with your friends. If he wants to see you, he needs to make an effort. Your time is precious and you’re not waiting around for anyone. You’ve got a busy schedule and you’re not going to make time for things that are boring!
So don’t make the first step. Let him come to you as he did in the beginning. If you can become “hard to get,” you’ll be amazed at how much faster he’ll be ready for a relationship. When you make a man realize that he has to fight for you, organize his time and really think about how to impress you, you’ll put him in a position where he’ll have a relationship on his mind. When he realizes that it would be his loss, he’ll feel more inclined to commit to a relationship with you.
Believe me, I know that this might seem counterintuitive but I’ve been a relationship expert since 2007 and I can tell you what works and what doesn’t.
Ladies, don’t listen to his words about “why” he’s not ready or “why” he doesn’t want to commit. Don’t play the therapist or make excuses for this guy. The fact of the matter is that if he doesn’t want to commit to a relationship with you then you are being taken for granted and it’s time to get back in control of the situation. You have to rebuild yourself and come back as The Challenge because this is the only way to get results. Otherwise, he’ll take you for granted and eventually move on to someone else.
He is not ready for a relationship: Should you wait?
I think you already know what I’m going to say.
The answer to “Should I wait if he’s not ready for a relationship” is NO! You should never allow someone to make you feel like you have to wait for them because that just sticks you in limbo. It keeps you stuck in a situation and you are not showing him what he stands to lose by taking you for granted.
Instead, I encourage you to do these 4 things.
First, understand the situation. Maybe he’s playing the field, maybe he just wants to mess around until he finds something better, maybe he’s genuinely worried about getting in a relationship and getting hurt again OR losing his freedom. But if you wait around for him, this will not set you apart from everyone else, and this is not what we want. We need to reverse the situation so that he has to show you that you’re the one on the pedestal, that he knows how to propose interesting dates and he has to impress you!
Next, make sure you avoid handing everything to him on a silver platter. If you do, he’ll just put you on hold. You need to receive rewards for everything that you give. I know that might sound odd, but if you give him everything and don’t receive the same in return, the balance of power is off and you are at a disadvantage. It’s simple. Don’t be in a relationship without actually being in a relationship!
Respect your body because you have so much to give, and I know you know that.
Then, it’s time to set boundaries. Truth be told, men are like kids. If you don’t set boundaries, they’ll get into all kinds of mischief. Just like kids! If you don’t give them boundaries, they’ll burn the house down lol.
So it’s the same for a man. If you don’t set boundaries, he’ll see how much he can get away with and this can end with you getting very hurt. So you’ve got to have a good sense of self-control. I know that for many of you, you might be thinking that if you set boundaries you’ll lose the guy but I am here to tell you that the opposite will happen!
In fact, if you can show him that his behavior isn’t going to fly, he’ll start to see you in a new light.
And in the cases where he is a good guy and truly isn’t ready to commit because of something personal going on, you still need to challenge yourself to move on. Why waste time and let your self-confidence take a hit? You can keep him as a friend and you’ll see a shift.
If you can go from “Wow he’s the most amazing guy in the world” to “He’s just a friend of mine,” then you start to behave in a different way and subsequently become a challenge again. It’s very interesting because this is one of the easiest ways to take the power back and decide for your own future.
This is always my goal: I want every woman I coach to have the power and to be the one making the decisions. It’s very important to step out of negative patterns and pave the way to true happiness in your future. You’re in control of way more than you might realize.
I am here to help you every step of the way. I encourage you to check out my Youtube Channel where you can find hundreds of videos designed to help you gain access to the love life of your dreams. If you would like one on one guidance, all you have to do is click here to get in touch with me. In just one hour of personalized coaching, we can change your life for good.
I wish you all the very best!
Ciao ciao les amies,