Do All Men Cheat: Reasons why it happens and what to do if he’s strayed
I’m sure it comes as no surprise to read that experiencing betrayal by the man you love is one of the most heartbreaking things a person can experience. If this has happened to you, you might be wondering… do all men cheat and is there any way to fix your relationship?
Unfortunately, it is becoming a very common phenomenon. The good news is that if you want to, you can save your relationship!
This article is going to explore the reasons why men cheat, signs of cheating, and what to do if you find out that your partner has been unfaithful to you. This is a very trying period, but as long as you don’t give in to the pain of broken trust, you can bounce back.
Do all men cheat? Here’s the truth…
Many people who have found themselves in this horrible situation come to me for help and ask, “Do all men cheat? How often does this happen?” It’s perfectly normal to wonder about this, especially because it helps to know that you’re not alone. Perhaps this is the first time something like this has happened to you, and you feel like you don’t know what to do.
The truth is that no, not all men cheat, not all men who have done it once will do it again, and women are unfaithful to their partners as well.
The important thing to understand is that there is a reason behind cheating, and if you want your relationship to heal, you’re going to have to find the root of the problem. A common reaction after the initial rage and hurt subside a bit, is a feeling of guilt or self-doubt. “I should have done this better…” “I wasn’t good enough…”
It’s a huge blow to the ego, but I don’t want you to feel that this is your fault. Your partner’s behavior should not just be excused simply because your relationship has been facing issues or has fallen into a monotonous routine. You are two people that are team, and you should be working together to improve your relationship.
It’s possible that you could have been doing more, but you’re not the only member of this team.
An interesting phenomenon that I see happening in relationships after something goes wrong is misplaced guilt. For example, I remember talking to one of my coachees who had been with her husband for seventeen years and has just found out that he was cheating on her.
“Alex, I truly don’t understand. How could he lie to my face like that, and throw my trust out the window… and how can I ever trust him again after this? Does he even deserve it?”
The more she spoke about what happened, the more she started to misplace the blame.
“The worst part is that she’s everything that I used to be. I gave up my music to take care of my family, but she’s a musician. She’s younger, she’s more social…”
I had to stop her because I saw where this was going. Many times, my coachees that have been faced with cheating men will try to take the blame because, on a subconscious level, it makes it easier. They feel that if the fault is their own, it is in their power to change things very fast. Simply put, it’s a defense mechanism to help numb the pain.
That said, it is also extremely unfair. As I said, yes, it is possible that you could have been doing more to keep the flame alive in the relationship, but that doesn’t mean that your partner should not have been doing the same instead of veering off course like this.
Sometimes, when a man or a woman gets caught, I see them trying to convince their partner that is in fact not their own fault. This is classic manipulation and an attempt to justify their actions. “We never have sex,” “You don’t love me,” “You don’t spend any time with me,” “I feel alone in this relationship…” While these are valid emotions that should be discussed and remedied within the relationship, they are not excuses for breaking a person’s heart and trust.
I know that when you hear “reasons” like this, you’d undoubtedly wonder about whether or not all men cheat.
Another question that I am often asked is this: “Why do husbands cheat and will happen again?”
As you know, each person is entirely unique, so I can’t tell you what your partner will and will not do, but I can tell you how to help prevent any more infidelity in the future.
As a general rule, whether a person is going to cheat again or not depends on how they feel in their original relationship and their self-control. I will outline the reasons for cheating in a moment, but if your relationship is obviously better than anything else out there, it’s going to be considerably easier for your boyfriend or husband to resist any possible temptation.
Men, that cheat: Why does this happen?
Though it’s hard to hear, as a general rule, men cheat because they want something that they aren’t getting at home. It is often physical, but it can also be emotional.
When two people have been together for a long time, it’s not uncommon for the routine to settle in. Things begin to feel monotonous and predictable…
If you’re familiar with my philosophy than you know that I often talk about the importance of overcoming the routine in your relationships. Just because it’s a natural thing doesn’t mean that you can’t fight it! There are so many things that you can do to maintain a feeling of freshness in your relationship. If you want to know more about that, I invite you to read this!
While the need for something fresh and exciting is a common reason behind cheating husbands and boyfriends, it is not the only one.
One reason for cheating that often goes overlooked is a person’s past. If they witnessed infidelity in their family while growing up, it could be that he is just reproducing the example he had growing up. Similarly, some people who experienced a serious lack of affection or validation while growing up may turn to infidelity as a way to fulfill their need for feeling wanted.
Other times, the reason behind why a man cheats is simply that he is selfish. He wanted something so he went for it without taking his partner’s feelings or the consequences for the relationship into consideration. Perhaps he feels that he’s different from most guys so the rules don’t apply to him. He may also be someone who lacks the maturity to understand what a serious relationship entails, and views monogamy as something to adhere to depending on the situation at hand.
Sometimes, men cheat because of insecurity. He may think that he isn’t handsome, fit, or young enough, and when the opportunity presents itself for him to get that ego boost, he takes it.
I have also coached someone whose partners cheated on her because they had gotten in a fight and he assumed that the relationship was over. I’ve coached another woman whose husband was cheating on her because he wanted to end the relationship but not before he knew he had something else lined up. I have also coached a person whose boyfriend was unfaithful to her because he felt like she didn’t love him.
There are so many reasons to why a person would make this decision, and sometimes it’s just something that happens in the heat of the moment as a result of an underlying issue. My point is that it doesn’t happen for no reason at all. It’s up to you both to work together to pinpoint what was missing in your relationship so that you can work together to find a long term solution.
Truth be told, the answer to “Why does a man cheat” is usually a combination of varying factors that may evolve over time.
Men who cheat: Learn how to recognize the signs
Maybe you’re feeling suspicious that your husband or boyfriend is being unfaithful to you, and the search for telltale signs has brought you to this article. In addition to providing an answer to “Why do men cheat on their wives and girlfriends,” I wanted to include some of the signs to be on the lookout for if you want to get a better idea of what’s going on.
Of course, everyone is different, but there are some things that serve as dead giveaways. For example, there are the blatantly obvious signs like lipstick on his collar, or calling you the wrong name in bed…
But there are other indicators to keep in mind that you’re more likely to pick up on if something is going on behind your back. For example:
– He suddenly starts behaving differently. He could be more defensive, more secretive, more distant…
– He starts hiding his phone, changing the passcode, or making sure you don’t see what’s in it.
– He starts voicing his doubts about being in a serious relationship.
– He goes all reverse psychology and starts talking about how terrible cheaters are and how he would never do it.
Criticizing cheating is actually a defense mechanism, as he’s feeling so guilty about his own actions. He might be fixating on his own actions, and by trying talking so negatively about infidelity, he’s trying to convince you as well as himself that he is not actually a cheater.
– He suddenly starts becoming obsessed with his privacy and needing some “me time.”
– He’s been picking fights with you for no reason and comes home late afterward (if at all).
– You notice that he’s lying – even about small, seemingly insignificant things.
– He begins taking better care of himself and spends more time getting ready before he goes out.
– He hangs out with friends of his that have been known to cheat.
– He accuses you of being unfaithful to him.
This usually occurs when his conscience is getting the best of him and is causing him to try and defect the guilt.
– He’s less invested in the relationship.
– He stops being intimate with you.
– He becomes excessively complimentary so that you wouldn’t suspect that he’s sneaking around behind your back.
When you’re wondering “Is he cheating on me,” the most important thing is to listen to your gut. Do you feel like something really is wrong, or do you feel like you’re feeling insecure about another element in the relationship?
Bring it up to your partner, but try a counterintuitive approach. Your first impulse is going to be to go into attack mode, but try this:
Say, “I know that you’re being unfaithful to me, and I want to work through this together.” Based on his reaction, you’ll know if he really is or if he isn’t. A man who isn’t cheating on his partner will do everything in his power to reassure her and prove to her that she’s the one he wants.
Men cheating: Saving the relationship and the aftermath
When a man is confronted with cheating, more often than not he will initially deny it and try to cover it up. When he does admit it, it might be accompanied by various “excuses.”
Some of the most common ones I’ve seen are:
“It’s natural for a man to want to sleep with different women. It’s just our instincts, so I can’t change the way I feel.”
“If we were having more sex then I wouldn’t need to look elsewhere.”
“I’m not doing anything that my friends aren’t doing.”
“What’s the harm of chatting with these women online? I’m not actually pursuing them. It’s just fun.”
As I wrote earlier, these excuses just serve as a way to try to justify their actions or switch the blame. Your partner is going to have to realize that if this is going to work, you’re both going to have to work together.
Once he’s able, to tell the truth, you’re going to have to start off fresh. The relationship is going to change, but rest assured. It’s not the end of the world.
Sometimes, when a relationship is threatened, the couple realizes how much they want to fight for it. You might now realize everything you’re both willing to do in order to not lose each other. When this happens, something beautiful occurs. Your bond is renewed and strengthened.
You’re going to have to start working on re-seducing one another and rekindling the flame in the relationship.
The best way to do this is to begin making new memories together. Bringing freshness into the relationship will help you both to move on from this painful period. I want you to understand that this wound isn’t going to heal over night, but with patience and perseverance, it will subside with time.
Focus on trying out new things in the bedroom, discovering new places together, having new experiences, and trying out things like salsa class or rock climbing together.
If you need my help, don’t hesitate to reach out. You can even leave a comment below with your question and I would be more than happy to get back to you!
I am wishing you all the best.
Your coach for knowing what to do when your man cheats,