Overcoming Toxic Relationships – The French Relationship Expert
I work with men and women on a daily basis who have undergone painful breakups. I guide my clients so that they may learn how to bounce back and rebuild, while ensuring that these people don’t fall into a relationship crisis that has an effect on their lives and on their loved ones. The goal is therefore to find a solution for recurring relationship problems. Some of these issues are particularly complex and require evolving actions over a span of weeks or months. There are so many situations in which this relationship becomes too burdensome, the fights become too frequent and intense, and the two partners no longer provide anything good for each other. This is when they end up in toxic relationships!
For a variety of reasons, which we will explore throughout this article, your relationship doesn’t feel right for you at all right now. Is your mind full of questions? Are you unable to move forward? Are you unsure about what to do – move on or persevere because you feel like happiness is within your reach? If you feel like this applies to you or if you feel like the emotional dependency is becoming too intense, then you’ve found the right article for you. You will find the answers to your questions and I will help you to get back on track and do what is best for you!
Getting out of a toxic relationship is perfectly possible. You can bounce back and make the right decisions, but in order to do so, it’s important that you employ the right actions. Relationships aren’t always sunshine and rainbows, but that doesn’t mean that it’s the end of the world. You can begin to change things starting today! That said, if you are faced with a manipulator or a narcissist, it’s time to hit the road as soon as possible because it’s incredibly complex to try to change someone who has a toxic personality.
What is a toxic relationship?
Each couple’s love story is different and that’s why the definition of a toxic relationship varies. Some people with different backgrounds aren’t experiencing the same exact things, but they are all feeling the same emotional distress. There are of course different and more dramatic elements in certain situations, like men and women who are victims of physical or psychological violence.
Even if your partner is not violent, you can still suffer in your relationship. For example, when there is infidelity, lying, or even a routine that is sucking the life out of your relationship… All of these elements can make you question everything about your relationship and about its future.
Toxic relationships can be defined by something that no longer provides you with any joy and in turn, makes you deeply unhappy. Each morning you wake up with what feels like a rock in your stomach, anxiety, or stress, either for reasons that I’ve just outlined or for other, more personal ones. Despite your efforts, you don’t feel like anything is improving. In fact, you feel that with time things are getting worse. Your partner isn’t doing much to help your relationship surmount these issues. You feel like you’re running out of breath and the most painful part is that you feel like you’re fighting for it by yourself. There is nothing more frustrating… Your partner doesn’t pick up on how you’re feeling or they don’t find it to be important enough.
When it comes to getting out of a toxic relationship, you have to know what that means. The occasional argument with the person you love shouldn’t make you question everything. It’s normal to not agree on everything. Don’t automatically assume the worst and think, “Am I in a toxic relationship?” It could just be a simple disagreement.
A toxic relationship is a real issue because it starts to break you down, and more often than not it is something that’s been present for a while. It’s not that easy to overcome but that doesn’t mean that it’s impossible!
How to know if your relationship is toxic: Look for these signs
Not all breakups happen because the relationship was toxic. A simple dispute or a big misunderstanding doesn’t mean that your partner is toxic and that he or she is trying to manipulate you.In order to overcome it, you have to define a toxic relationship and know if you’re really being faced with this situation or not. “Manipulator” and “narcissist” are terms that are sometimes overused or misused.
I am warning you about that because men and women often leave comments below my articles explaining that they are with someone who they think has a narcissistic personality disorder. After further analysis, I release that this isn’t quite the case. Just because your partner is not on the same page as you, it doesn’t mean that they’re a manipulator.
In order to be in a toxic relationship, you need to be with a partner that is out to put you down and out to hurt you deeply. I am not necessarily talking about physical violence, because again, you don’t always have to be physically abused for your relationship to make you unhappy; I am talking about psychological abuse. This is why it’s so hard to bounce back after a truly toxic relationship. It’s something that you feel deep down inside and it is not visible, so people aren’t always aware of it.
At the beginning, everything was going well… and then it all changed. Maybe it changed quickly, or maybe it changed after years of being together, but the person you love isn’t acting the same way anymore at all. There are insults, lies, manipulation, and you begin to feel belittled, guilty for things you didn’t do, and this eventually leads to frustration, unease, and insecurity.
This phenomenon makes you question everything.
These are not simple, fleeting disputes simply because it lasts a long time, weeks or months even, and you’re faced with a man or a woman who doesn’t match you at all, so of course you’re unhappy. You turn your back on your friends and family, all for your partner, and you have regrets. You don’t understand his or her behavior, especially after you’ve made such a valiant effort for so long. It’s never enough when only one of the two people is trying…
When you realize you have a toxic boyfriend or girlfriend, you have to make a radical decision.
Toxic relationships: Should you turn the page or save your relationship?
People often ask me during coaching sessions or in comments, “Alex, should I put an end to my toxic relationship or persevere and try to save it?” I understand why you’re thinking this but in truth, you already have the response! Whether it’s breaking up or giving it a second chance, deep down you know what you truly want.
Simply put, you may be afraid to make the decision, whichever option you may choose. In order to make the right choice, you have to take a step back and ask yourself the right questions. For example, you could take a piece of paper and separate it into two sections. On one side list your reasons to stay, and on the other, list your reasons to leave. This will help you to get a better picture of what you’re feeling. Don’t hastily write this out in just a few minutes – you could even take a few days! Don’t rush it because you want to make sure that everything is very clear.
The title of this article doesn’t automatically mean that you should leave your partner. Getting rid of a toxic relationship can also signify healing it, so if you’re wondering “Can a toxic relationship become healthy,” the answer is yes! No one says you have no choice but to divorce or break up. However, know that mutual effort is critical.
In order for me to give you my opinion, I need to hear your story and have an exchange with you. Coaching via the phone with me or a member of my team is the ideal solution. This way we can guide your actions and help you make the right decisions.
We can guide you from A to Z whether you want to fix your toxic relationship or put an end to it! Just click here to reach out.
Signs of a toxic relationship: How to free yourself from a narcissist
It isn’t always easy to open your eyes and see the true nature of the person you love, especially if he or she has a manipulative personality, but the fact that you’re reading this article means that you’re aware of what’s happening.
You have come to realize that this relationship isn’t working for you. The first step for rebuilding yourself after a toxic relationship comes in the form of setting aside emotional dependency and beginning to let go. Everything you do, everything you say, and everything you want is about your partner. It’s time to put an end to that! You have to think of yourself as the priority now because your partner isn’t concerned with you or your true desires.
The first thing to do is to accept that this person is adopting behavior that has nothing to do with love, and to stop seeing them as your soul mate. I know this sounds confusing, but the moment you turn a blind eye to the destructive aspects and fixate on the good, you damage your chances of rebuilding yourself.
I know that it isn’t easy to find flaws in the person you love, but you have to put things into perspective. It will truly help you to move forward. You have to stop idealizing him or her. Take your partner off that pedestal and don’t think of yourself as being inferior. Don’t allow yourself to think that without your partner you’re nothing. Guard against this type of thinking! It’s important for you to rebuild your self-confidence, and in order to do so, your action plan needs to be based on yourself – not your partner.
Distance is an important element when you want to give yourself the chance to move forward and stop suffering. You’ll have to change your habits and stop constantly putting yourself beneath him or her. The goal is to rebuild. Focus more on getting out of the routine of always offering him or her another chance. The idea is to cut contact and guard against this person’s attempts to re-seduce you and once again fall into a toxic relationship.
When I say that you need to put distance between you, I’m talking about both the psychological and physical sides of that. This will help you to communicate that you are not at their disposal, but in addition to that, you’ll give yourself time and space to heal and rebuild your self-confidence. The beginning is going to be challenging, but you will gradually emerge from the clutches of this manipulator. From this moment on, your personal reconstruction will be underway!
This is crucial for putting the odds in your favor and keeping you safe from falling into any traps.
The key to getting out of a toxic relationship is tangible CHANGE
In your situation, you’ve got to be careful to avoid actions that stem from the past, and don’t make the same mistakes that you made before. Similarly, don’t let your partner make the same mistakes either. One of the keys to saving a relationship or getting back together and having a solid relationship is to change your habits!
Once again let me take the example of infidelity. If you keep forgiving your partner and nothing changes (in your actions and theirs), you aren’t setting up the right mechanisms to impose your desires and make him or her find you irresistible again. As a result, you will never be able to get out of this situation and your unhappiness will only get worse. Not only will your partner continue to betray you, but you will also become exhausted by continually using methods that prove to be ineffective.
Regardless of your decision, whether you choose to end this relationship or give it another chance, it is crucial that you introduce radical change. It is imperative that you understand your partner’s expectations if you want to turn a toxic relationship into a balanced one. You have suffered enough from this relationship, and you’ve taken an important step in reading this article and deciding to set actions into motion, but now we must go further.
Nevertheless, these changes should not be made for your partner; they should be for you. They must be sincere if you truly want to find happiness again both personally and in your love life.
Bouncing back after a toxic relationship by focusing on happiness and love
For many people, happiness in love is just about finding someone convenient and living together. But this reasoning is false, or at least not what I advise. It imposes limitations.
Choosing someone just so that you don’t have to be alone is not at all the right thing to do. This makes a person wind up in a situation that does not allow them to find complete happiness, and we can sometimes end up in a harmful relationship simply because the foundation isn’t right.
Happiness in love consists of finding someone who truly corresponds to you; someone with whom you share strong affinities. That is to say, a person who listens to you, and knows how to bring you happiness despite their flaws. I know that for many people that is a somewhat optimistic image of love but I know that it exists. I know that because I have seen thousands of people discover it after becoming aware of my philosophy. The testimonials that I receive on a daily basis are enough to let me know that I’m on the right track 😉
Everyone has a different idea of love and relationships. For some, there is going to be a lot of communication, and for others, it is going to take intense passion to stay with the same person, to others it’s going to be about a powerful psychological connection… The common factor is that the reason for choosing this person should be about true happiness and experiencing something powerful together.
You have to share special moments together, have projects, and accept that time is a factor to take into consideration. Your life isn’t going to look like Hollywood romantic comedies in which two people fall in love within two days and live happily ever after. You’ve got to understand that your relationship might require a bit more time before it becomes completely solid and stable. Don’t break up after a week with someone you have feelings for simply because it wasn’t love at first sight and they upset you.
How to find love after leaving a toxic relationship
Solitude is not the solution for rebuilding yourself after a toxic relationship. Though getting back together three days after the breakup might not be the right decision either, you can’t just sit back, wait, and do nothing with your love life.
However, if you have chosen to exit this relationship, it is true that finding love after a painful breakup is not always simple because we often remain focused on the past. Distance will also play an important role in this step. Seeing your ex on Facebook or texting/seeing each other is not going to help you. When a person has suffered in love, it is better to turn the page and move forward.
We must also remember our own mistakes that need to be rectified, for example not diving headfirst into a relationship right off the bat, not rushing, not becoming involved with toxic people, and making sure that we can let go of the past.
To know the exact plan of action for rebuilding yourself after a difficult relationship or healing one that is not on the right path, get in touch with us and we can guide you every step of the way!
Your coach for overcoming toxic relationships,