10 Signs You’re in a One Sided Relationship – The French Relationship Expert
When you love someone, you want to give to them and do everything in your power to make them happy. You want to see them smile, you want to make them laugh, and you want to know that they feel good by your side. Being a generous person is a beautiful quality, but what happens when you start to realize that your partner might not be doing the same things for you?
What if you start to feel like your partner isn’t going out of their way to do the same things that you do for them? Does it mean that you are in a one-sided relationship? If you are, is there even anything you can do about it?
Learning how to spot the signs that you’re in a one-sided relationship is going to help you figure out your next steps. That is why I wanted to write this article for you today. Together, we will go over how to recognize a one-sided relationship, and what you can do to bring balance back.
What is a one-sided relationship?
Some of us are natural-born givers. It makes us happy to make other people happy, and know that we can do something that benefits and brings joy to another person. Similarly, some of us are actually takers. This is usually a result of the person’s upbringing or family environment.
Sometimes, we see the development of a relationship between a giver and the taker because the giver has so much to give and the taker wants or needs so much. Keep in mind that all of this is usually subconscious. The problem arises when there is an imbalance in the give-and-take in the relationship.
For example, the giver often ends up giving too much and the result is that they become exhausted and unhappy. The definition of a one-sided relationship is one in which one person gives significantly more than their partner.
As we all know, a relationship is comprised of two people. A healthy relationship is one in which both people actively give to one another. So a one-sided relationship is one in which one partner is giving very much and is not receiving anything in return.
You might be surprised at how often I come across these types of relationships in coaching sessions. Without going into specific statistics, I can tell you that after all these years as a coach specializing in love and relationships I have seen this situation quite a few times!
If you’re on this site reading this article right now, chances are that you are beginning to wonder if you were in a one-sided relationship with the person you love.
So what are the signs of a one sided relationship?
Signs of a one-sided relationship: Here is what to look out for!
You might be feeling it in your gut right now, but is there any way to know for sure that you are in a one-sided relationship? When a relationship is one-sided, there are certain elements to pay attention to that will help you to know for sure.
As relationships develop, there is often a dynamic between you and your partner that solidifies as time as time goes on. This means that if you were giving more to your partner then you were receiving even at the very beginning of your relationship, it is more likely that it developed into a one sided relationship.
Perhaps you’re always the first to reach out, you’re the one who always says “I love you” first, you’re the one who goes out of your way to do something nice for your significant other, and you realize that the person you’re with is not making much of an effort to demonstrate how much you mean to him or her.
Perhaps it wasn’t always like this. At the beginning of the relationship, things felt balanced. You made each other happy, you did thoughtful things for one another on a regular basis, and you went out of your way to improve your partner’s life as well as your relationship.
I’m not going to sugarcoat it – being in a one-sided relationship can result in severe unhappiness.
But don’t panic! You are going to make things right and bring balance back to your relationship. So what exactly are the signs you’re in a one-sided relationship?
1. You are usually the one to initiate.
Like I mentioned above, you’re the one who usually initiates conversation whether it’s in person, on the phone, through text message, on social media, email… etc. It feels like you’re always the one reaching out, asking how he or she is doing, wanting to know about their day, sharing about yours, saying “I love you” first, and going out of your way to talk to him or her.
If you don’t reach out, days could go by without any communication between you.
2. You are the one trying to keep things fresh in the relationship.
You might be in a one-sided relationship if you are always the one who is trying to come up with new things to share. Simply put, you are the one trying to protect your relationships from the dreaded routine. You are suggesting romantic dates to keep the romance alive, you are suggesting new activities to share to keep things feeling exciting, and you are the one coming up with new things to try and bad to keep the passion alive…
3. You are starting to feel like you love your partner more than he or she loves you.
When your partner shows you fewer signs of caring than you were hoping for, you begin to wonder if your love might be unrequited… you notice that here she does things they should know hurt you. For example, interacting with another person and a way that makes you uncomfortable, or telling people something about you that is personal or embarrassing.
If you feel like you make a conscious effort to communicate your love to your partner, but you’re noticing that they are not doing the same for you, you might begin to think, “I feel like my relationship is one sided…”
4. Your significant other doesn’t really seem to care.
When you tell your partner that something they did hurt you, they seem unphased. Similarly, they might express little to no interest in what you’ve been doing all day. Sometimes it feels like he or she doesn’t even notice when you’re gone.
It makes you feel like your partner is unconcerned or indifferent, and it feels like he or she doesn’t care for you as much as you would like.
5. Your partner doesn’t make an effort to bring you around people that are important to them.
People in serious relationships introduce each other to their families and their friends. You feel like your partner doesn’t really bring you around their family, even though they are very close. Your partner doesn’t invite you to hang out with their friends, and they don’t really make any effort to hang out with you and your friends.
6. There is no more physical affection (if there ever was any in the first place).
Physical touch and affection are crucial elements of long-lasting relationships. I’m not talking about sex here – I mean simple, loving caresses, handholding, or a kiss on the cheek before work… you don’t feel like your partner does much to make you feel closer.
7. You feel like you’re constantly being taken for granted.
Your thoughtful gestures, affectionate caresses, and loving words usually go unnoticed. Your partner may give you a flat “Thanks,” but it doesn’t go much further than that. Whenever you do bring it up, your partner makes you feel like you’re being annoying or that you are nitpicking. They might even roll their eyes and scoff at you, which only makes you feel even more under-appreciated.
8. You open up very often but your partner is like a brick wall.
You make an effort to communicate your feelings, share things that happened during your day, things that are going on in your family, challenges you’re facing work, your hopes, your concerns, your dreams…etc. Unfortunately, your partner has a nasty habit of remaining silent as the grave when it comes to opening up.
9. A Relationship is one sided if your partner is unreliable.
He or she promises to take you to that concert you’ve been dying to go to, but at the last minute cancels your plans because “Something came up.” Your partner says that they’ll make dinner for you on Saturday night, but on Saturday night rolls around they say they’re hung over from the night before and tell you that they’ll do it some other time. You often see your partner saying the right words, but rarely see them actually following up.
10. Your partner shows no motivation to change things that make you unhappy.
Couples with healthy relationships inspire one another to be the best versions of themselves that they can be. Your partner knows you wish they would stop smoking but they don’t care. They know that it’s unpleasant for you to have to pick up their dirty shoes from in front of the door, but they keep doing it anyway. They don’t care about getting up off the couch to get some exercise.
It is not your fault that you do not inspire your partner to be the best version of themselves. It is their fault for not being open to it.
One sided relationships: What you need to do if you want things to change
If you realized that you are in a one-sided relationship, you have two options. The first one is simply to end the relationship, work on healing, and turn the page so that you can move on.
The second option is to begin to work on saving your relationship. Just like with any issue in love, you can’t expect it to get solved overnight. Restoring the balance in the relationship is going to take time, motivation, perseverance, and patience.
Many times when people ask me, “Alex, what do you do if you’re in a one-sided relationship?
”I begin by exploring the issue of emotional dependency. If you’d like to know more about how to combat this common phenomenon, all you have to do is click the link. To summarize, many people subconsciously think that they need their significant other in order to be happy. The result? It becomes very easy for their partner to take them for granted.
Because you want to do everything for your partner in order to make them happy, you are constantly giving and they never have to work for it. They don’t have to try to seduce you because you’re already under their thumb, as the Rolling Stones would say. In fact, they don’t have to go out of their way at all in order to get what they want from you.
You two need to clearly communicate about the issue at hand. Your partner may not be good at talking about such things, see you can always write a handwritten letter that clearly presents your points.
Second, you’re going to have to switch your focus. You might be channeling all of your energy into this relationship when right now that energy should be focused on making your life better than ever. This means taking care of yourself, working to reach your goals, working on your self-confidence, and filling your schedule with the activities and people that bring you joy. If you live an inspiring life, your partner is going to want to be a part of that.
It’s basic human nature. People want what is not readily available to them. To read the article on emotional dependency, and this one on how to be a seductress. These articles will help you to restore balance AND excitement in your relationship.
I sincerely wish you all the best in life and love,
Your a coach for knowing how to recognize a one-sided relationship