He Cheated on Me: The 4 Surprising Solutions from the French Relationship Expert
It comes as no news to you that being cheated on is exceedingly painful. Your pride takes a hit and your trust is broken, and it’s not easy to move past this type of betrayal, especially if your boyfriend or husband didn’t have the courage to admit it to you. When you discover your partner’s little game and you realize “He cheated on me,” you’ve got to make an important decision: Should you stay with a man that has made a terrible mistake or should you leave him and find someone with whom you can build something new?
Today’s article will explore a delicate theme, because I think that there is nothing more destabilizing than being betrayed by the person you love most.
Finding out that your husband or boyfriend has cheated on you is overwhelming and can really break your spirit. Dozens of questions flood your mind and you’re tortured with feelings of fury, sadness, deceit, hesitation, the desire to forget everything or to forgive, and the desire to run. I am going to guide you through these tumultuous emotions so that you may overcome this betrayal and possible separation, but also so that you may restore your relationship and survive infidelity.
Analyzing the situation after he cheated on me!
Even if you feel like throwing everything away when a man cheats, take the time to think it through before you do anything because you could end up regretting your decision.
He cheated on me: Why?
Generally speaking, this is the first thing that a person asks after their partner cheats. You want to know why the person you love, the person with whom you thought everything was going well, decided to stray. Contrary to what you might think, a cheating husband can still be in love with his wife. Cheating on someone doesn’t automatically mean that you don’t care for them anymore… There are actually many reasons behind cheating.
The sexual aspect should be taken into consideration and if he’s not satisfied at home, he might look elsewhere. Perhaps you don’t make love frequently enough because a form of routine has settled in, or because you aren’t into some things that truly turn him on. He might be sexually frustrated. He can find all of these things in another person and have a purely sexual relationship with someone else.
He might not feel loved by you and may be suffering from a lack of affection and attention. Throughout history, it has been said that the mistresses of kings knew everything because they were their confidantes. If you don’t listen to what your partner is saying, if you only talk about yourself and you don’t take care of him, he might gravitate towards another person who shows what she feels and listens to him. The sexual aspect of the relationship is the first thing that brings them together, but it can end up being part of a more serious relationship between them.
In some cases, the affair was a one-off. But in others, an unfaithful boyfriend may just have fallen in love with another woman. After years of being with you, a routine has settled in and he has begun to nurture his feeling for this other woman despite your love story. With time, he ended up creating a real bond with her and made an irreparable mistake. He’s now tortured by the idea of being in love with two women or having to tell you that he’s no longer in love with you.
What do I truly want after he cheated?
You have the choice between separating and starting over from scratch, rebuilding yourself on your own and starting over with someone else, or trying to save your relationship and forgive your husband’s affair. The choice is solely up to you, even if your loved ones are probably trying to influence you. Most of the time, if someone is on the outside looking in, they’d tell you to bow out as soon as any form of cheating takes place.
It is a very understandable point of view, and it is quite rational. The only thing is that there is nothing rational about love, and though you’re thinking “he cheated on me,” you still love him deeply, which is why you are reading this article right now. It is completely possible to rebuild your relationship after he cheated, but it’s a long process that requires strength and patience. You should listen to your gut.
What consequences should I consider when making my decision?
I do not want to influence your decision to stay or leave. You’ve been cheated on and hurt, and right now it’s very hard to have clear ideas. I am going to outline certain consequences and implications to take into consideration when you’re thinking about what you should do.
If you decide to end the relationship and you aren’t married and have no children, the following months will be painful as you’ll have to overcome the pain of experiencing what feels like a failure in love and you’ll have to rebuild yourself…but believe me when I say that nothing is insurmountable. If you were married, the situation is even more painful and your personal reconstruction will be even more laborious, but that doesn’t mean it will be impossible! The process of divorce will be long and both emotionally and financially taxing. If on top of that you have children, you’ll have to consider the big changes in everyone’s life, custody, and there will be other financial factors. Your children will of course be affected but rest assured, many children have overcome their parent’s divorce.
If you decide to forgive your partner’s cheating and rebuild your relationship, you should know that it will also be a long process. You will never forget the fact that he made this choice, and this painful truth will remain at the back of your mind for a long time. Forgiveness and restoring the broken trust will take time but the truth is that your relationship could end up being stronger than ever and this experience could be enough to set you on the right track.
I have often seen in coaching sessions that sometimes the most painful electroshock can serve as a catalyst for very positive change in a relationship.
How to get over cheating: The most important factors
Whether you decide to restore your relationship with a cheating partner or leave him, your first goal should be to rebuild yourself. Learning that someone cheated on you can be devastating and even if you choose to stay with him, the damage is serious enough to where we have to talk about personal reconstruction.
It may surprise you, but there are varying types of cheating because there can be physical infidelity, but there can also be virtual infidelity… Whatever the case may be, you have to prepare yourself psychologically for the process of rebuilding.
How to deal with a cheating husband: You must take some time for yourself
You’ve discovered that he’s been unfaithful and you’ve fallen from cloud 9. The first thing to do is to put a bit of distance between you and ask him for time. This time will allow you to think and ask yourself the right questions. When emotions are running so high, it’s is very hard to think clearly and be confident in the choices you make.
After doing something like this, your husband will of course apologize and work to earn your forgiveness, so if you ask him for time he should give it to you. If he refuses, it means that he really doesn’t understand what you’re feeling, nor does he grasp the consequences of his actions, which will not work in his favor.
Don’t lose faith in all men if he cheats
The person that you would have given everything, the person whom you trusted blindly, has betrayed you. He was your rock and now you’ve learned that he wasn’t at all the person that you thought he was. More often than not, you are angry with yourself for trusting someone like this and you decide to never trust anyone ever again.
This reaction is understandable, but if you decide to leave this relationship, you shouldn’t isolate yourself and lose faith in all men. You were cheated on by one person; not by all men on this planet. Your friends, your family, and all the people you meet have nothing to do with it, so don’t doubt their goodwill.
If you decide to put an end to your relationship, you’ll need your loved ones to help you bounce back. If you lose faith in them you’ll end up completely alone. If you want to restore your relationship with your husband or boyfriend, you have to be able to trust in him once again, so you’ll have to make a sizable effort after he’s broken your trust.
Follow the classic steps after he cheats
After a breakup, the best thing to do is to seek solace in your friends and family, go out and have fun with them, and keep your mind occupied with something else. Confide in them and allow them to help you move forward. It is also important to analyze yourself and assess what improvements you can make for your next relationship, which is also the case if you decide to stay with your current partner. There will be a before and after, so you’ll have to consider this chapter as a new relationship.
Exercise is one of the best ways to regain self-confidence when you’re working on getting over heartbreak. The hormones that your body releases during a good workout can calm your mind and ease the physical effect that trauma has on the body. Being in better shape and feeling sexy will help you to love your body, and this in turn gives you a boost of self-confidence that will catch the eyes of other men and will help you to feel great.
If your husband cheated on you and doesn’t want to stay with you, after a while you’ll feel ready to move forward, go out, and flirt with new guys. This will give you confidence in your seductive abilities. Just be careful to not go out with other men simply out of revenge because this doesn’t change anything and it can just make you end up regretting it.
My husband had an affair: Why should I forgive him?
The principal argument against forgiving him for cheating is the idea that you can never again trust him. That said, forgiveness has its pros as well, and it can have a very convincing argument. This article explores this idea and I highly encourage you to check it out: how to forgive your partner when they cheat.
1. Consider the reasons behind cheating
Regardless of the temptations that are present, if your man was satisfied with your relationship he wouldn’t have cheated. If he slept with someone else, it means that he was missing something that he did not feel he was getting in the relationship.
Whether it was sexual, emotional, or something else, you may not have been paying attention to what he needed. Or perhaps he wasn’t communicating his needs with you. You must also be honest with yourself and ask yourself what you could have done differently in order to improve the relationship. This does not justify his actions, but it can help to explain why he did what he did, and help you gauge whether or not you want to forgive him.
2. Human beings make mistakes
Yes, you’re thinking “He cheated on me” and it is extremely painful. Yes, you have the right to be furious with him. Just don’t forget that we all make mistakes and he may sincerely regret it. This carries even more weight if he “only” cheated on you once. If he had a mistress, his mistake was not letting you know that he was unhappy in the relationship, not telling you what was missing, and of course, giving in to temptation.
That said, don’t forget the second part of this saying: “To err is human, but to persist in error is diabolical!” This means that we can make mistakes, but when it happens more than once it means that there are certain conclusions to draw.
So, if you think that your man could change but he was unfaithful yet again, you’ll have to think long and hard about what path you want to take.
3. He cheated on me but I’m still in love
The fact that you’re seeing signs he’s cheating or that you know for certain that he did doesn’t mean that you don’t love him anymore. Love is the most logical reason for forgiveness but that’s easy to forget when you’re on the outside looking in. If your feelings for him are strong enough, you can find the strength to give him another chance.
Even if he betrayed you, you can still rebuild your relationship after cheating and bounce back stronger than ever. Some couples become closer and more in love once their relationship is threatened, and I’ve even seen women thank their husbands for straying because it created an electroshock without which they never would have gotten back on the right path.
How to get over cheating in your relationship?
If you’ve chosen to go down the path of forgiveness and rebuilding your relationship, I want to say bravo, because you’re strong and courageous. To help you, I have a few pieces of advice that will guide you.
What to do when you get cheated on: Lay everything out on the table
Though it hurts that you found out about your husband cheating, you’re willing to give him a second chance. This doesn’t mean that you’ve forgiven him, but you are trying to trust him again. Begin with a good conversation in which both of you can speak from the heart. He needs to explain why he did it and what he wasn’t satisfied with in your relationship. I know I’m repeating myself, but he cheated on you because he wasn’t getting something that he wanted and needed, and it’s imperative that you know what that was.
For you, now is the time to lay it all out on the table and let him know how deeply he’s hurt you, what you’re feeling, and what you’ve had to go through. make sure he understands how lucky he is to be getting a second chance from you because most people don’t. Thanks to this discussion, you can have a new start, the relationship will be different, and now is the time to analyze what you had so that you can plan what you want in the future. Without this step, you won’t be able to come out stronger than before…
Give yourself time after infidelity
Even if this discussion is important, it does not finalize your reconstruction phase. It’s only the beginning… Following infidelity, you both are going to have to work at rebuilding trust and complicity. As the saying goes, “Trust arrives on foot but leaves on horseback,” so it’s going to take a while. You’ve got to accept the fact that for a while there will be tension between you and you’ll need some space. There is no sense in rushing things after your partner cheats because that’s how you end up making mistakes that make matters worse.
You have the opportunity to start things over from the beginning – and by that, I mean that you can reintroduce the game of seduction and reestablish complicity between you. You don’t have to play the role of a woman that’s been cheated on, but you can tell your man that he’s getting another chance but that he must be able to seduce like he did the very first time.
Getting over cheating together
You’ll have to learn how to live together again. It’s possible that after discovering that your husband cheated you’ve decided to live separately for a while. You are going to have to readapt to the life of a couple knowing that things aren’t going to be the same again. If his return home frightens you or you want to take your time, organize a schedule and decide that he should come back three days out of the week at first, and more frequently as time goes on. If you have a place to live during this period, you can take as much time as you want.
If you still live together, you’ll have to ease tensions after you have your serious discussion. You will still be together and things will go back to normal little by little, while you focus on re-establishing the complicity and trust between you, and while you work on forgiving him. This can take time as well and should not be rushed.
The key for getting over cheating: Become sexually active again
So you are furious with him for what he did, and it’s obvious why you wouldn’t want to sleep with him for quite some time. However, if you decide to rebuild your relationship you will have to be intimate with each other. The desire will return with time, forgiveness, and complicity. Little by little, you’ll desire him and you can begin making love again. This will accelerate the re-establishment of complicity between you because sex can create a bond between you on a profound level.
Take advantage of this time to be innovative! Don’t just make love how you are used to; start out on a new base and break the sexual routine by sharing new experiences!
You suffer a great deal when you learn “He cheated on me.” You feel doubts, you cry, you’re angry, you feel guilty, you hate, and despite all that, you still love him. No one outside of the situation can truly understand what you’re experiencing emotionally speaking, and that’s why most people would tell you to leave your partner after they cheat.
And yet, restoring your relationship after cheating is far from impossible and contrary to what many people think, the relationship can end up being stronger than ever. If you are wondering how to proceed, don’t hesitate to reach out to us for one on one coaching!